Good morning from OYIT [April 6th Edition]

By Maddie

Happy Monday! For all of our readers who do not know how to read a calendar or who have a faulty memory—which is the majority of you—today is April 6th, 2008. As T.S. Eliot said, “April is the cruellest month, breeding/ Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing/ Memory and desire, stirring/ Dull roots with spring rain.” Doesn’t it feel great to be alive?

Today’s Weather:

Today’s Song:
Today’s song is “Where You’ll Find Me Now,” by Neutral Milk Hotel. This song is from On Avery Island—not In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, the short-lived band’s more popular album. Many of you may not know this, but On Avery Island has a lot of good songs too. Like “Where You’ll Find Me Now!” It contains the lyric, “Your teeth believe that teeth are for tearing/ Tear into me, the scent of you sweating smells good to me/ As long as we keep in our clothes,” which is erotic AND cannibalistic—the best of both worlds!

Today’s Words of Wisdom:

This may be a little controversial to some of our readers, but I’m with Paul. I have read the Constitution many times, and I don't recall reading ANYTHING about airplanes. I cannot even picture a scenario when allowing bayonets on airplanes would be a problem. If more people in this world were like Paul, we may have fewer smart people, but we’d also have fewer terrorists. I’ll let you decide which is more important.

Today’s Holiday:

As all of you know, today is the date Joseph Smith formed the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church. Not only does this count as a holiday in my book, but it counts as the best holiday ever! Without the Mormon Church, who knows where this country might be (hint: a much better place). A fun way to celebrate: buy some of their fancy underwear and blow-off some of your Black friends for dinner.

Today’s Birthday:
While on the topic of religion—according to many scholars, today is the actual day that the Lord Jesus Christ, a prominent religious figure, was born. Happy birthday, Lord! Some other fun people celebrating birthdays today are Paul Rudd, actor; Candace Cameron, heart breaker; and Zach Braff, douche bag. A fun way to celebrate: sing your favorite worship lyrics over the Garden State soundtrack while masturbating to pictures of Candace and watching the 40 Year-Old Virgin. That’s how I celebrate, anyway. Enjoy!


  1. regarding the first sentence: it's actually 2009, 2008. sorry for that dirty trick! consider it my l8 april fool's prank!

  2. Happy BDay Paul. I had chosen to ignore a world beyond In An Aeroplane... I was a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the bottom of the sea. But thanks to your mp3 link, I am now jazzed up and above surface. W2B. I earnestly tried to use that ragged claws line as a pick-up once, unsuccessfully. But at least it taught me not to be such a nerd in romantic endeavors.

  3. that mormon underwear IS pretty hot, but in the summer, phew!
    and a happy birthday to jesus!

  4. To celebrate Jesus' bday, I'm going to give myself stigmata.

  5. Missouri kicked the Mormons out in the 1800s then Governor John Ashcroft apologized for it in the 1980s. FUN FACT.

  6. Why did you call Candace Cameron a heartbreaker? And I heard a rumor this week's good morning posts were going to be 100% female.

  7. because she is so beautiful she breaks hearts everywhere she goes. and because she broke my heart when i heard about her column at Christian Women Online.