Monday, Monday

By Maddie

Every other day, (every other day) every other day, every other day of the week is fineeee, yeahhh. But whenever Monday comes, (whenever Monday comes) but whenever Monday comes, you can find me cryinggg all of the timeeeeeee. Wow, excuse me. I was just singing the Mamas & the Papas. That's embarrassing. Moving on. It's Monday, May 11th. I Googled it, and nothing cool has happened on this day in all of history. (Unless you count Matteo Ricci's death. What an asshole!) In related news, this is going to be a terrible week. Sorry for being so blunt, but it's the truth. I mean, just statistically speaking, most weeks are terrible. But that's okay. At least we can find solace in knowing we are not alone ( our unhappiness. We are very much alone in life) and experience some small (very small) joy in this post. If that doesn't work, we have this picture of Barack and Bo Obama to fall back on.

You've Got a Minute Left to Fall in Love
"Memories" by Leonard Cohen is awesome because it has the best pick up line ever: "Won't you let me see your naked body?" Honestly, what man or woman could ever deny Leonard that? When he starts wailing at the very end of the song, I feel like I am basically being forced to strip down. I don't mind though. He gave us some of the greatest music of the 20th century, I think the least we can do is show him our "parts." In fact, I think nudity should be mandatory at all Leonard Cohen concerts. Take off your pants or go home and listen to the Spin Doctors. It's an either/or type of thing in my mind.

She Bes Sarcastic

Let me introduce you to my new hero, Curtis Holland. I have viewed this video at least five times a day since discovering it last week while watching "Wife Swap" on YouTube instead of writing my paper on Friedrich von Schiller. The most charming thing about Curtis is how he appears to be a 45 year-old Southern misogynist trapped in a seven year-old's body. His daddy must be an impeccable teacher! All things considered, I think Curtis stayed relatively calm. I know first hand that there is nothing more frustrating than losing at a deal. I'm not sure what happened after he stormed out of the house with his mini-suitcase, but his bravery most be noted. (Did you see the snow on that roof at the end of driveway? He isn't even wearing a coat!) As Curtis knows all too well, a house without bacon is no house at all. Schiller once said, "To save all we must risk all," which is more or less what Curtis did by defying Joy (what an ironic name!) and her "little high heels" in the name of America's favorite pork product. He did it for us. So, as you are eating your breakfast of sausage, bacon, ham, and steak this morning, take a moment—after you give grace to the Lord, but before you salt your bacon—to thank Curtis.

Long Live the Libs

I am one of 137 or so people who still listen to the Libertines on a regular basis, one of 26 or so people who were sad when the Dirty Pretty Things parted ways, and one of 12 or so people who still think Pete Doherty is a heartthrob. I just don't know how to let go of anything, ever. To the uninformed ear, "Can't Stand Me Now" sounds like a classic break-up song. However, if you know the tragic saga that was the Libs short-lived career, it's clear that the song is about Pete and Carl's relationship, the band splitting up—two best best friends driven apart by crack and heroin addiction. It's more common than you think. I once had this friend who...wait, this is getting too real. Sorry! I don't want to reminisce about failed relationships and ruined friendships anymore than you do. Anyway, it's a great song and a good performance.

Dick Cheney is a douche bag.

Well, since I won't talk to you again today, I'm gonna go ahead and say goodnight. Talk to you later if neither of us die before then!


  1. Great post! You remind me more and more of Curtis every day. Out of all those videos, the Curtis one is definitely the most worth watching.

  2. I saw that video of that kid on Talk Soup. Great post, Maddie, as usual. Even if you still love the Libertines like it's 3 years ago.

  3. I watched some more clips of the Holland family. "She went after the food! The poor, helpless, defenseless food!!!"

  4. Someone needs to do an article about Curtis.

  5. Nobody is stopping you, Glenn.

  6. i searched for at least 3 hours yesterday for the full episode. it's not online anywhere i can find. this is the closest i got:

    "rules change" is good. curtis is on top form and pretends to slit his throat.

  7. And people say you have autism!

  8. if nothing else, it is impressive that pete doherty is still standing after all these years.

    curtis! ha! scary! he is the future of america. :-/

  9. Wife Swap is THEE greatest show ever next to Trading Spouses that is.