By Maddie

1. The best thing to tell a pregnant woman is, "Congratulations!" "You're not that fat yet," is the second best. Never ask, "Are you keeping this one?"
2. Saying "My babysitter is obsessed with poking me on Facebook" will always make you sound creepy.
3. Never trust someone who laughs at Two and a Half Men. Never trust someone who doesn't laugh at Roseanne.
4. Stay away from telling stories that end with "I guess you had to be there."
5. Don't dress slutty, unless you want to have sex with a lot people. Then it's probably your best strategy.
6. "I always call it rape because I don't know what else to call it" is never a good way to begin to a sentence.
7. If you're unhappy, make a change. If you're still unhappy, start taking anti-depressants. If you're still unhappy, kill yourself.
8. Do not punctuate sentences with :), :(, ;), or :-P. Especially on your resume.
9. Oakleys are never okay.


  1. Great advice Maddie. I am going to stop dressing slutty now.

  2. Best advice I've gotten in days! #3 is particularly poignant.

  3. I feel this list is incomplete. Why no #10?

  4. 10. Don't ask unnecessary questions in the comment section on blogs.

  5. oops. guilty of #5 and 6. Thinking more about #7.