Advice

By Maddie

1. Speak in an Irish accent as often as possible. It gives the impression that you're an exotic foreigner, so women will want to sleep with you, without being exotic enough to be the victim of hate crimes or racial profiling.
2. Don't refer to Google as "google dot com." People will think you're either older than 45 or a fucking idiot.
3. If you're dating someone who has an anime fetish, break up with them right away.
4. Don't bring your infant child out clubbing with you. Trust me, she's a pussy and will throw up after a single beer.
5. Try to stay away from drunk frat boys. That way you're less likely to wake up hating yourself.
6. Do not, under any circumstance, say "Jesus, Take the Wheel" while having sex.
7. If you ever find yourself in the same room as Rachel Ray, run for your fucking life.

3 comments:

  1. What's the matter with Rachel Ray? She can cook a meal in half of an hour.

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  2. My red beard has become massive during this No Shave November and my last name is Irish - I can totally pull off the Irish accent and no one would know I'm really an American. I'm going to get so much pussay!

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  3. Just found my new favorite re-occuring article.

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