Good Morning, Sweethearts!

By Maddie 

Good morning, sweethearts. I'm back from vacation and I missed you all so much.

Things Overheard on Vacation
"In the USA, a child can call the 119 and say their parents are telling them what to do and the parents can go to jail." - middle-aged Mayan who drove me to the airport
"I want my watermelon juice made with aqua pura." - Canadian Tourist
"At least Charlie Sheen was caught with hot hookers." - drunk American Tourist
"Have you guys heard about the bacon craze on the Internet?" -my friend Drea

Today's Workout
Good-morning is a weight training exercise in which a barbell or two dumbbells are held on the shoulders, behind the head. The person bends forward, bowing at the hips while keeping the back straight, and recovers to upright. It involves the hamstrings but is primarily used to strengthen the lower back; the degree of knee bend used will change the focus -- nearly straight-legged involving the hamstrings most.

Apart from running on a treadmill a couple of times, doing yoga a handful, and "taking care" of this girl who used to give me shit, I have never worked out. I only picked this because of the name. None of the words it uses make any sense to me. I might as well be reading Amharic.


I'm going to join a gym next week when I go back to New York. I'll be able to mention working out in my GM posts like my idol (Glenn) does. The first thing I'm going to do (after telling Glenn) is try this workout and write a detailed article listing its pros and cons on strengthening the "lower back," whatever that is.

Just a Card, or Just a Letter
I love "Please Mister Postman." Songs like this don't exist anymore because no one waits by their fucking mailbox anymore, except for Mikey. I wonder how it would sound if written today.
Oh yes, wait a minute Blackberry
Waaaaaaaait Blackberry

Please Blackberry, look and see
(Oh yeah)
If there's an email in my inbox for me
(Please, Please Blackberry)
It's been five minutes since I heard
(Oh yeah)
Since I heard from that boyfriend of mine
(And I need to hear from him because I am addicted to technology and must be talking to someone in some medium at all times)

Something like that, probably.

Have a Great Day
Don't kill yourself! At least tomorrow is Friday.


  1. Maddie this was wonderful. I never tire of mocking (Glenn's) our addiction to technology. I'm also very excited that I was the first one to read this GM, and then puzzled because I should ALWAYS be the first to read GM. I never sleep.

    Thank you for starting my day with lesbians. It's been too long.

  2. Lol @ those quotes. No wonder USA gets a bad name, drunk American tourist.

  3. Starting my day with lesbians...I wish this was a new thing for me. I also wish that the last statement, which could sound awesome and braggadocios wasn't in actuality so depressing! Damn Lesbians!

  4. Maddie, you're like Weird Al, not because you wrote that song parody but because I could never imagine you with a man.

  5. You will never join a gym. I am a false idol.

  6. The people in that video look like they are being held at gun point and forced to clap.