Dissecting LFO's Summer Girls

By Maddie 
The year was 1999. The month was July -- the month that three of our nation's greatest tragedies took place: John F. Kenndy Jr. died in a plane crash, Mark O. Barton went on a killing spree in Atlanta, and Woodstook 99 happened, ruining music for most of the next decade. The only glimmer of hope came from boy band LFO, in the form of their single "Summer Girls." Grab your white jeans and Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt, hold on to your FUBU hat, and join me as I dissect this timeless pop gem.




Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?
...when we met..That summer??
New Kids On The block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer
Since that summer
Like Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice, LFO starts their similarly themed work of art with a truth universally acknowledged: New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits. The natural line of progression leads to Chinese food making them sick. We can all attest to that. I just ate sesame tofu and killing myself seems like a better option than riding out this full stomach. There's nothing more "fly" (synonyms: "cool," "tight," "sick;" For all you over 45-year-olds: "dandy," "keen," "swell") than when a girl stops by for the summer. LFO knows what we all want: brief romantic affairs when it's warm outside. Also, mentioning Abercrombie & Fitch -- the choice store for preteens and aging bros -- earns them major street cred.

Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
The first line, "Hip Hop Marmalade spic and span," is complete gibberish to me. Maybe Jake, our go-to hip hop expert, can help me out with that one. The next lines are perhaps the most shocking of the song. It is here where we learn Summer Girl's identity: Boston Celtics star Larry Bird. This verse is my personal favorite because it contains the most honest line ever sung: "Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets." These boys are clearly close with Mr. Shakespeare, as evident by their use of his nickname Billy. I don't know who Willy Whistle is, but this is where we get the second bombshell: The leading man Rich is in fact deaf, or at least mute. The rest of the verse is pretty standard for a love story -- Larry leaves after summer ends, yet continues to linger in LFO's mind. They also rewrite the screenplay to Home Alone and, naturally, list some of Michael J. Fox's acting roles.
[CHORUS]
This is where they sing the chorus again.
Cherry Pez, cold crush, rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
Cherry Pez, cold crush, rock star boogie? What is this, heaven? LFO hits it home on the hating-school-having-to-play-hookie front. When I was in high school, we were allotted ten days to miss a semester without failing -- and every year, every semester, I missed ten days. It's like LFO knows me! That's what great songs do: make you feel like they were written especially for you. B-boy style, again, Jake? Any help? I do understand that the song "Candy Girl" by New Edition reminds LFO of their Summer Girl AKA Larry Bird. Completely understandable. This is also where we get another bombshell: The Summer Girl AKA Larry Bird is from the South, so obviously she speaks slowly and drinks lemonade. Another common trait of living in the South is having your father leave you as a young child. The next line references Paul Revere, so I'm assuming the deadbeat dad in question is him. Then they list two things as American as apple pie and autism: Fun Dip and cherry Coke. Finally, we learn that LFO loves the way Larry laughs when they tell a joke.
Look at that smile. Can you blame them?
In the summertime girls got it going on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
In the summertime girls have it "going on," meaning they look hot or something. They probably look hot because it's fucking 90 degrees outside. Not to say that all summertime girls are like Larry Bird, but Jesus, have you seen how much he sweats? I'll give you a hint: a lot. Jake can probably identify with this part of the song because, once again, it mentions hip hop. The bridge ends with the line, "I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike." This is either an admission to petty theft or a flirty come-on. LFO knows there is no better way to turn a lady on than to steal her mode of transportation.

Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug cause I miss it
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
Came in the door I said it before
I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
I remember many a summer day jumping down the boardwalk eating shrimp -- because honestly, what goes better with seafood than a pogo stick? Like any human with a pulse, LFO misses summer, just as they miss the devastating novel The Color Purple, shoes they wear around the house, and a bunch of trees. LFO would call Summer Girl AKA Larry Bird, but really, what's the point? They're in different places -- literally -- and it's never good to talk to people you care about on the phone. Save those conversations for Pony Express, texts, or drunk Facebook messages. My only problem with this verse is that they love Kevin Bacon but hate Footloose. What kind of sick person hates Footloose? Let me guess, you just LOVED him in those trashy feel-good movies Apollo 13 and Mystic River, didn't you?

The song ends with a bold declaration: He thinks he's over Larry, but then again, he's not sure. Is anyone ever really sure? Can you ever be completely over someone? Those LFO boys -- quite the deep thinkers.

7 comments:

  1. Mystic River is not a feel good movie.

    But I am glad to finally understand this song was about Larry Bird. White ass motherfucka.

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  2. lol@ this article and Glenn's comment.

    A b-boy is a breakdancer. I don't know about the other stuff, but I'm glad that all the times I mentioned Maddie in articles is starting to pay off.

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  3. I loved this. It was extremely funny. Thank you Maddie, and thank you LFO.

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  4. Maddie! This was on my list of creepy boy band songs to dissect. You did it much better than I ever could. But save Five for me.

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  5. I remember having an intense discussion with a friend of mine at the time on whether or not rhyming "hornet" with "sonnet" was the worst attempted rhyme in history. I'm sorry to say I don't remember the verdict. But I'll always remember the song...

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  6. This was a really bad song. But I don't agree that he should have got cancer for writing it.

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  7. LOL! Great comment from Vanilla Spice of the Spice Girls.

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