Hi Katy [Hi Maddie Edition]

By Maddie 



Hi all! Katy is off being successful and dreamy, so you’re stuck with me this week. Full disclosure: unlike Katy, I have no psychiatric training. This is like the blind leading the blind, or, more accurately, the emotionally scarred leading the emotionally scarred. I’m going to try my best to live up to her advice-giving techniques, but I think we all know that this issue is at best like Santana covering Fleetwood Mac; at worst, Britney Spears covering Joan Jett covering the Arrows.

Hi Katy,
What's your favorite TV show? I need some recommendations as I mostly just watch "Webster" reruns.
-(Channel) Surfing Sarah

Sarah,
Sorry to hear about your “Webster” situation, but who am I to judge? I go on “Criminal Minds” binges that could make a Meth addict blush. If you have Netflix, I recommend checking out “Friday Night Lights” on Instant Watch. If you’re interested in laughter, “Community” is great and will be starting its second season on September 23rd. If you like attractive people and interesting plots, “Mad Men” airs Sundays at 10/9c. If huge douchebags are more your thing, check out “the Real World: New Orleans” on MTV.


Hi Katy,
I want to have a “summer fling.” Do you have any advice on how to go about this?
Lonesome Laura

Laura,
I feel your pain. With the exception of hating Elisabeth Hasselbeck, there is nothing more universal than the desire to have sex with people when the temperature is warm. When it comes to meeting this certain someone, I’ve learned some things from experience -- for example, DON’T stay in and watch Dear John on pay-per-view; DO go out to bars and flirt with strangers. While meeting new people is fairly easy, meeting new people you like is exceptionally hard, so don't get frustrated if you can't find anyone to go home with or talk to about the "Lost" finale. Remember: After a few drinks, everyone is more interesting and attractive (except for the date rapist sitting at the end of the bar. He’s still pretty creepy.).

Hi Katy,
I injured my eyes during the last eclipse. Now I have a hard time dealing with sunlight. What are some primo sunglasses? No Oakleys please, they are just too expensive. I am very thrifty.
-Sarah Sunglasses

Hi Sarah,
I guess I’ll respond to your question even though you said “primo,” but I’m not happy about it.

If you are...

UNDER THE AGE OF 45:

Wayfarers. These are sometimes labeled as “hipster” sunglasses, but let me assure you that they're not. In this day and age, pretty much everyone under 45 has a pair, and pretty much all of them are annoying -- myself included.


A SOUTHERN FRAT BRO and/or HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL COACH:

If you want a sunglass accessory that screams, “I listen to Dave Matthews Band and use ‘gay’ as a derogatory term,” then look no further. When it comes to eyewear retainers, the best brand is Croakies®. They’ll go perfectly with your knock-off Wayfarers.

EVERYONE ELSE:

Just buy the ones at CVS for $6.99.

Hi Katy,
Can you tell me what the best place to vacation is? My boyfriend wants to go to Graceland but I want to go on a tour of all the Six Flags east of the Mississippi.
-Traveling Terri

Terri,
When I think “summer vacation,” the first place that comes to mind is Cleveland, Ohio. Sure, they may not have LeBron anymore, but they DO have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and a bunch of run-down malls. If you're looking for something a little more exotic, why don't you try Dasht-e Lut, Iran? Nothing will help you put your life into perspective like a sunny vacay to this lavish desert. Since it's too hot for any form of life to exist, you and your significant other will have plenty of alone time. Don’t forget your sunscreen!

Hi Katy,
What are some good songs to play at a summer BBQ?
BBQin Babe

Babe,
Contrary to popular belief, it's not necessary to play summer-themed songs just because it's summer. At the last barbecue I had, I played "Auld Lang Syne" on repeat and everyone seemed to love it. (By “seemed to love it,” I mean, “got annoyed and stormed out after the 16th play,” but let's not get caught up in the details.)



Now, if you’re absolutely stuck on summer tunes, let me recommend “Summer Babe” by Pavement and Do it Again by the Beach Boys. Put these on and no one will care that the hot dogs are undercooked and the chips are stale. Good luck!

6 comments:

  1. oh my goodness, i just realized the first question i answer was answered by k8y last week. SORRY READERS!

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  2. Haha, I like the repeat question -- it's like dueling advice.

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  3. we both mentioned the real world. that is...interesting.

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  4. kitten can't handle advice of this magnitude, but Maddie and I are so clearly synched with our respective obsessions of the Real World downfall that she came through like a champ!

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  5. This was good Maddie. From now on I will send all of my advice directly to you unless I need it to be answered with hostility.

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