By Maddie 

1. Stop wearing suspenders.
2. "Let me say something about suicide before I forget" is not the best icebreaker.
3. If you have a crush on Tom Cruise, you're doing something wrong.
4. Error on the side of fewer "Malcolm in the Middle" references.
5. You are never in a good situation when a man is doing the splits.
6. If it really "goes without saying," maybe don't say it?
7. A great way to get laid is to be smart, funny, or successful. A great way to not get laid is to refer to having sex as getting laid.
8. If you have a friend who calls you "sport," get rid of that friend.
9. Always be cautious around people who still talk about Sum 41.
10. Sideburns? Really?


  1. Haha, I had big sideburns before I grew a beard.

    When you said you were doing an advice article I pictured something so different. I was pleasantly surprised to find I was wrong.

  2. sassy!

    Ambrose E. Burnsides is not going to like this affront to the facial hairstyle of his namesake.

  3. Two of my most serious relationships began with #2.

  4. How could it not be serious when you hit it off talking about suicide?

  5. Please. Nate. Let's not blow suicide up into some big, touchy subject.

  6. So many good points I never knew I should've known about life and socializing. Thank you Maddie!!

  7. I just burned my last pair of suspenders.