GOOD MORNING! HE IS RISEN!

By Nate 

Who's still basking in the glory of our Lourd's resurrection? I know I am! Also, all the trees and flowers are blooming in celebration of Easter. Every time I go outside and see them I start tearing up and sneezing and coughing - I SURE AM OVERCOME WITH SALVATION! THERE SURE IS WONDER WORKING POWER IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB!



Here are some videos I found on the internet of Jesus Christ. If he were alive today I bet he would be a Super Cop! (Too bad he can't work a miracle and make these embed into the blog!)

Jesus Christ: Super Cop episode #1

Jesus Christ: Super Cop episode #2

There are five episodes total, but I'll let you decide if you want to continue.

Today's Hiatus Warning:

The rumours that you've read on mashable are true. I am temporarily leaving OYIT as I have recently taken two jobs on top of my schooling. I'm sure the OYIT will be able to fill my Wednesday morning posts, but there is another solution: YOU COULD WRITE FOR THIS SITE!

Do you think you can be funnier than me? I bet you can be, too. You should email mailbag@oneyearintexas.com with a sample GM post and maybe we'll accept it!

Predictions:

The US Census Bureau will hire me for eight weeks during which you will not hear from me via this site. When the job is over, though, I will be able to regale you with many humorous anecdotes about faking my own death for the insurance money in southeast Kentucky, being shot by bloggers who refuse to take the census, and even tell you the secrets of ACORN's prostitution money laundering schemes! GET EXCITED!

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Select Tweets from the Life of Moses

By Nate

YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham, I just killed an Egyptian. Swy. Plz don't tell.
Pharaoh: @YoungMoses, U killed an Egyptian? Y WOULD U TWEET THAT? Get the fuck out!
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham, thanks for the exile. I won't pray via tweets again.
GodofAbraham: @Moses, I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!

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YoungMoses: I've come across a burning bush in the desert while herding sheep. It can talk. Weird.
GodofAbraham: @YoungMoses: That burning bush is me!
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham: Y r U n the form of a burning bush? Just tweet me.
GodofAbraham: @YoungMoses: ur right. That was a stupid ploy. I'm just trying to spice up the Bible. Now go free the slaves!

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Moses: @Pharaoh: Let my people go!
Pharaoh: @Moses: no.
Moses: @Pharaoh: plz?
Pharaoh: @Moses: no.
Moses: @Pharaoh: I'm going to blot out the sun, kill ur kid, send locusts and frogs, give you lesions, and turn the water into blood 2 name a few.
Pharaoh: @Moses: U Crzy. I'm blocking you from my twitter.

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Moses: @God, ok, so I've got the Chosen Ones out of Egypt, but now the army is after me and I've run into the Red Sea. What now?
God: @Moses, Jesus Christ! Ten plagues and U still can't escape!
Moses: @God, Jesus who?
God: @Moses, nvmd. Ok, I'm going to part the sea, but you have to hold your staff over your head the whole time.
Moses: @God: Why?
God: @Moses: I'm into theatrics.
Moses: @God: wow, you just drowned the entire Egyptian army.
God: @Moses: I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!

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Moses: @God, so why do I have to climb this mountain to receive the Ten Commandments. JUST TWEET ME!
God: @Moses, stop whining! Ur always whining! I'm going to drop more manna on U if U don't stop now.
Moses: @God, the Israelites are getting restless. They have an obsession with a calf.
God: @Moses, you have no idea. Now get up here so I can do some cool lightning shit.
Moses: @God, Y did U have to make these tablets in stone? Papyrus would be so much easier to carry down!
God: @Moses, again with the whining! Ur not gonna like what you see when you get down the mountain.
Moses: @God, A GOLDEN CALF? They broke #2 before they even knew about it!
God: @Moses, Yeah, this might be the first loophole, but you should still go ape-shit on them. I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!

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God: @Moses, well here you are: The Promised Land!
Moses: @God, wow. After 40 years in the desert I'd never thought I'd get here. And to think I doubted you so many times.
God: @Moses, SURPRISE! You're not actually going.
Moses: @God, what?
God: @Moses, yep, take a good look at it cuz ur never gonna set foot in it. I'm taking U 2 heaven now. I'm also deactivating ur twitter.
Moses: @God, ur kidding. Wait – I'm floating! The Heavens are opening! Celestial Choirs!
God: @Moses, trust me, you don't want to be around for the whole Jericho thing anyway. The Israelites are gonna look so stupid. Marching and then blowing horns! The joke will be on Jericho in the end tho. I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
Moses: @God, that tweet was more than 140 characters. What gives?
God: @Moses, I AM TWITTER!

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