Debate: Is Satanism's Popularity on the Rise?

By Jake & Glenn 

Satanism is one of the most oft-maligned major world religions. Less popular than Islam but more genuine than Scientology, it seeks to connect people with their true savior Satan (also known as "Frank Satan" in the renegade Nu Satanism cult based in the Netherlands). The backlash that erupted when Anton LaVey founded Satanism in 1966 was as expected as it was strong. Satanists were forced underground, only gaining mainstream acceptance after the Stonewall Riots three years later. They then lost most of that acceptance by supporting Israel's invasion of Lebanon in 1978, but the Book of Satan compels Church followers to support any movement to subjugate others. Over thirty years later - and with most of the anti-sodomy and anti-Satanism laws now illegal in the United States - Satanism is coming back as a strong force in the proselytizing business. Or is it? The debate, like Anton LaVey's beard, rages on.


Jake: It is becoming nearly impossible to walk a city block without seeing a pentagram "tagged" on any and every available space. While graffiti might be on a steady decline along with breakdancing, you surely cannot say the same about Satanism. It is nearly impossible to stroll through a public park without tripping over a beheaded goat, soaked in more blood than common sense should allow. This is our current reality and we can do nothing but strap ourselves into the rollercoaster and let Satanism take us through our ups and downs. Jesus is co-pilot to some, while Satan is a rollercoaster technician to others. Me...I'm not very religious, but I see Satanism all around me in an increasing frequency. How else could you explain Mercyful Fate's latest album shooting straight to number one on Billboard's Religious Albums chart?

Glenn: How do you explain the biggest Christian our nation has ever seen - Barack Obama - being elected President of the United States over a year ago? I appreciate your roller coaster analogy because I'm one of the few people from the Midwest who never lost a family member in a Six Flags accident or shooting. However I do not appreciate you coming to what is ostensibly a blog about Christian indie rock and Aerosmith to tell America's youth that Satanism is on the rise. This is exactly how these things perpetuate themselves. No one liked Vampire Weekend at first but once people started promoting it and saying it was "on the rise," it gained mainstream acceptance at Six Flags all over this great nation. The next time I go to Six Flags - whether to kill tourists or to enjoy myself - I don't want to have to get on an Anton LaVey-themed roller coaster or a log ride that goes into "the abyss."

Jake: Comparing Satanism to a log ride is flat out ludicrous. Worshipping Satan and getting saturated by water while sitting in a fake tree are mutually exclusive. If you do not believe in and praise God then you tacitly accept Satan as your saviour, and I can see why. Satanism is glitzier and more glamorous than any other mainstream religion. Whether you are merely drawing pentagrams in chalk on your basement floor or listening to a Marilyn Manson album and plotting a school shooting, there is just a definite appeal to devoting your soul to the fallen angel. If Satanism was not on the rise, then these Harry Potter novels wouldn't be outselling the Left Behind series.

Glenn: Satanism has about as much in common with Harry Potter as this website does with Texas. And Marilyn Manson? I haven't even bought a Marilyn Manson album since 1998's Mechanical Animals, which is saying something because I was one of the first people to commit a school shooting while listening to that glam, Bowie-influenced album. Marilyn Manson looks like Billy Crystal compared to Anton LaVey, though, who is the least cool person I have seen since myself in a mirror ten years ago. If Satanism is so popular, why is Islam the world's fastest growing religion? Evangelical Christianity, never known for being hip, is also recruiting more and more members in former slave-holding states of the American South. Even the Catholic Church, the largest religious hierarchy to ever support and condone the rape and molestation of children, is gaining members some places. Meanwhile Satanism stands in fourth place - yes ahead of Judaism and the Mormons but well behind every mainstream religion. Statistics don't lie and neither does Satan.

Jake: Satanists are becoming viable role models because they think for themselves. Christians, as you said, are rapists. I'd sacrifice a goat's head in order to save a woman's vaginal flower. That is the most precious gift you can give, and you should not have to put it on a silver platter and serve it to God as an appetizer. It is not artichoke dip. Why people tend to gravitate toward Satanism after trying out the other "it" religions is the sense of self it encourages and lack of rules. I gave my little sister the Satanic Bible for Christmas in 2001, and it helped her get over the September 11th tragedy. All the flags in America were not going to mend her broken heart, but Satan sewed it up with great aplomb.

Glenn: I'll be honest: I once tried Satanism. It was at a rough time in my life and I thought following the fallen angel could help me improve my life. Also, Satanism SEEMED cool in 2003 before Bush won his second term and before Garden State came out. After those things happened though I realized that I was never going to find what I needed as a Satanist and that Anton LaVey had no more answers than Zach Braff did for Natalie Portman at the end of the movie *SPOILER ALERT* after he decides not to leave. Moreover, Satanism is about as cool now as Garden State. No one quotes Garden State anymore and Zach Braff has done a string of movies so terrible that even Satan wouldn't show them on whatever movie theatre they have in hell (probably the IFC Film Center). So if you're the kind of person who still quotes Garden State and thinks its soundtrack was the pinnacle of music, maybe Satanism is for you. But for the rest of us who have moved on and instead quote Juno and KNOW its soundtrack was the pinnacle of music, let's leave Satanism behind like it's a baby for adoption. I was also that. Thank you.

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Career Corner: Dressing for Success with Elle and Glenn

By Glenn and Elle 

You may remember us from the last edition of Career Corner where we gave you tips on how to write a cover letter. That letter, along with the temporary jobs created by the US Census, have brought our country's unemployment rate back from the abyss. But before we gaze long into that abyss and George Bush looks back at us, let's take another visit to the Career Corner and discuss dressing for success.

[Note: many of our dress tips will apply only to people who identify as men or women.]

Like it or not, people judge you by your appearance, especially your outfits. They're like a tip sheet for your coworkers, who must decide within mere seconds whether to hate you, pity you, or try to sleep with you. Each of these reactions has its pros and cons. People fear and respect those they hate, but they never invite the hated to lunch. People love to hang out with people they pity, because it's a self-esteem boost, but pitied people never get promoted. And if people want to sleep with you, you will benefit from quick promotion, mentorship, inside jokes, but you'll also eventually screw it up and get fired.

From the moment you walk into the office, construction site or nuclear power plant for the first interview, you need to radiate the right image for the job. I have experience on the hiring side and on the applying side. Once I was horribly embarrassed after walking into an interview wearing a black shirt, brown pants and gray shoes. This was a fashion faux pas of the color sort and my interviewer, a woman, let me know it. Later in life I was on the hiring side of things and had people display different religious imagery. One applicant wore a cross necklace, another wore a Church of Satan t-shirt and another was of Arab descent. I ended up hiring the Muslim applicant for obvious reasons - it was a campaign to clean up Times Square in New York City - but in general you do not want to display your religious cards before you find out the religion of your interviewer.

At the same time, don't be too cautious. A lot of professional advice-givers will tell you to dress "conservatively" without saying what it means. Should I wear a cowboy hat with tea bags coming off of it? Klan robes? Or a boring suit with an American flag lapel pin? With any of these you're going to alienate the liberal half of the voting population immediately. In the same vein, we recommended doing some outrageous things in a cover letter, and you should feel comfortable to include a few elements in your dress that reveal your true character without offending Democrats or Republicans. You might try a bow-tie if you're a man or a bright-colored scarf if you're a woman. These let you stand out without forcing anyone to question his/her sexuality.

Once you get past the interview to the working world, it's clear the most successful people share a secret: no shame. People are always telling young women not to dress too sexy for the office. The people who say this are always old women who've already slept their way to the top and fear the competition. Hillary Clinton did it. So did Princess Diana. What's there to lose? Chances are, in this job market, you've already lost your dignity. The only thing holding you back is your prudery. That sting? It's shame, fucking with you. Fuck shame! Shame only hurts, it never helps.

This may not work for those of you who don't have, and thus cannot flaunt, "it." We don't all work with the same natural (and unnatural) gifts, so often times you will need to dress in a way that makes people think twice about your character. As a woman, there is nothing more powerful you can wear than a power suit. That's because you don't have a penis or broad shoulders; padding can camouflage that. Men can afford to be more subtle. The key can often be your tie or, as the case may be, tie-dye bandanna. I personally personally prefer skinny solid color ties because they are the most phallic. They exude confidence. Be sure that ties are the only thing sending that message though - taking special care to conceal the most phallic item of all: your penis. Besides the stench of death, nothing will make your co-workers more uncomfortable than seeing the outline of your genitals through too tight / too thin dress slacks.

Note from Elle: Speaking of genitals. When I was about 8 years old, I remember watching Dateline or 20/20 or something, and there was a story about sexual harassment at a big corporation. A female executive was suing the company because the top bosses allowed other executives to blatantly harass her. The only anecdote I remember is that one of the men walked around the office with some kind of fake penis on his shoulder. I don't know how much of this is true, because I was too young to have much of a concept of what offices and sex toys were. And I don't have the time, energy or skill to look this up now. But the lessons I learned then still hold true: Adults are insane. Offices are no place for penises.

Pants are a real sleeper when it comes to work-wardrobe crises. Most people think about their shirts, jackets, etc., because those things are closer to your face. But your future employers can't possibly be expected to look at your face all day. It's time to inject some hand-wringing into your trouser-related decisions. Most crucial: leggings as pants. Most of the people who rail against leggings-as-pants have larger-sized girls in mind. This is because these critics worry they themselves will gain weight someday, rendering them completely worthless to society, and that fear causes them to lash out at symbols of their future. Personally, the leggings-as-pants wearers I find most objectionable are the older ladies who diet themselves down to sizes that would fit right in at Dachau. (This is because I am afraid more of death than jelly rolls.) The other day an older lady came into the office wearing a green blouse and black leggings. I could see both her panty line and her tween-Benjamin Button-esque ass. It was hard not to stare, and impossible to concentrate. Your best bet is to wear looser slacks with a low-cut top. Cleavage is universal. You want people to think of Victoria's Secret, not the Holocaust - even though sometimes it's hard to remember which one Kathleen Parker finds more offensive.

These tips will help you whether you're picking an outfit for a first interview or want be noticed for a promotion. Fashion - not to mention its pesky class signifiers - makes everyone uncomfortable, but we have to use every tool available, including clothes, to advance our careers. If you actually work in the fashion industry, this article is completely irrelevant and probably borderline offensive to you. For that, we apologize and would like free samples of new clothes if at all possible.

Thanks for reading this edition of Career Corner. As always, we welcome your feedback and suggestions for future topics.

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