By Ali
Showing posts with label Ali. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ali. Show all posts
AJ Why Did You Have to Kill That Guy
By Ali and Bub
A guy Ali works with killed a guy on a motorcycle and Ali ad-libbed a song about it. Bub on guitar.
A guy Ali works with killed a guy on a motorcycle and Ali ad-libbed a song about it. Bub on guitar.
"We're going to make some pizzas without you"
Ali's Feminist Skit [Video]
By Ali
Ali gives a very drunk monologue.
Ali gives a very drunk monologue.
Prehistoric Age [Video]
By Ali and Bub
Debate: Katie Couric's new Talk Show "Katie"
By Jake and Ali
On
June 6, 2011, ABC announced that Katie Couric would be developing a new
talk show called “Katie.” Will Katie be able to handle the cut-throat
world of daytime talk shows or will she wither up and die like a salted
slug? In this debate we will pontificate on this subject.
Jake: I have never seen anything featuring Katie Couric, with the exception of some real choice appearances on Jay Leno’s “The Tonight Show.” I found her extremely charming during those appearances and cannot wait for her to take the reigns of her own talk show on September 10, 2012. If she was a great guest on a talk show, you would have to assume that she would be an amazing host. We all remember when she blindsided Sarah Palin with devastating questions such as “what newspapers do you read.” We need a talk show host who will ask these types of hard-hitting questions to our favorite celebrities (in my case those would be: Kevin Sorbo, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kamala, Tilda Swinton and Papa Shango). Wouldn’t you love to know what newspapers Kevin Sorbo reads? He probably reads Variety, but what else is he reading? What is his favorite novel? America needs to know and only Katie C. will ask these types of questions that can ruin a career.
Ali: Woah, Katie Couric should not be allowed on television anymore. Overall, it’s terrible for America’s morale. Who cares what newspapers people read, when most articles about this woman are found in magazines, bought by women who already have made her a household name, and have given up on spontaneity and substance within the neighborhood and their sex lives. Some mid to late 40 somethin 50 somethin’s watch their celebrity peers age on television, and I wonder why not be up for a little change, folks. You know what I mean? How about retiring like a normal person, and let the following generation of journalism majors get a chance at being a talking head, covering stories such as, “Where is Katie Couric Now” or “Our Katie Couric, a Video-graphy of America’s most Fit and Beautiful Journalist’’...oh wait, maybe that’s more fitting for a People Magazine Special Edition insert. Either way, I firmly believe guest talk show time slots should be reserved for Judge Judy, Murray, and more Roseanne come-back shows.
Jake: If you want to watch reruns of “Roseanne,” then maybe you should just pop in the second disc of your “Roseanne” season 2 DVD set. Sure, it’s a great program, but comparing “Roseanne” to “Katie” is like comparing “Dougie Houser M.D.” to “Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman.” At least we can both agree that Katie Couric is the most beautiful woman in America. She has more sex appeal than James Dean’s rotten corpse and more hustle than Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse. Katie C. puts herself out there and America cannot wait to see what is next for her. The second her show debuts people will surely be calling for it to end just so they can see what she will do next. Katie Couric is making $40 million for this new talk show venture, and if you ask me she is getting screwed. She should be getting $100 million and given her own network to run. I’d love to see “Cooking with Katie,” “Katie Couric’s Night Court” and “Katie Couric’s Wildlife Adventure and Sharkstravaganza.” These programs would really put asses in seats, unlike modern-day programs like “Wild Boyz” and “Punk’d.” Fuck those shows and long live queen Couric.
Ali: Katie Couric is like eating peanut butter on crackers, semi-smooth transitions with a subtle osteoporosis crunch. I know I said she was beautiful earlier, but i was mainly referencing her defined calves. Considering I also think most professional sports players get paid way too much for a game they may never partake in, the monetary gain of Katie C’s next career move is equally asinine. I will watch a show about K.C heading out into the wilderness in search for a rare bird, and then suddenly falling into quicksand exclaiming, “ But I only spent 399 Million dollars this year so farrrrrr...” More likely this new show will air in September of this year, and I will say “Well look who it is, tanned wrinkle bag Couric counting the top ten ways to butter bread.” I can hear you now, haters gonna hate, and to quote President Obama, “Yes We Can..”
Jake: I would love to see ten ways to butter bread, because I have only been buttering my bread but two ways and they are just not working for me. In 2010 during the Super Bowl, Katie Couric interviewed our positive president Barack Obama. And like “The Monster Mash” was a graveyard smash, this interview was a ratings smash. If Couric can get top notch guests like President Obama, Sarah Palin and Kevin Sorbo, then her daytime talk show surely will be a ratings juggernaut and she is a steal at $40 million. TV is big business and Katie C is large and in charge in that medium. I would love to see a program where Katie Couric spends her money and it would fit perfectly on her theoretical network. God bless you, Katie Couric. You are an American treasure. That last sentence was directed at both Katie Couric and Ali.
Ali: You are so right, Jake. If Couric can get top notch guests, like all the guys from The Big Bang Theory, Tina Fey, the writers for Bob’s Burgers, or even Jon Stewart, then her ratings will soar. I can see her being very witty asking people if they have seen those skits on YouTube called, Lettuce Sandwich Goes to the Office, or Goodnite Lettuce Sandwich, which crack her little ass up all day! BTW! Did you hear she will also be involved in the upcoming obesity documentary, The Big Picture? I totally get it now, Katie Couric is a Hipster raging for the machine. This excerpt from an online interview really give me hope when she says, “I am happy to have found a place in the digital world where I can cut through fads and trends.” She’s already making fart jokes. I really dig this new Couric.
On
June 6, 2011, ABC announced that Katie Couric would be developing a new
talk show called “Katie.” Will Katie be able to handle the cut-throat
world of daytime talk shows or will she wither up and die like a salted
slug? In this debate we will pontificate on this subject.Jake: I have never seen anything featuring Katie Couric, with the exception of some real choice appearances on Jay Leno’s “The Tonight Show.” I found her extremely charming during those appearances and cannot wait for her to take the reigns of her own talk show on September 10, 2012. If she was a great guest on a talk show, you would have to assume that she would be an amazing host. We all remember when she blindsided Sarah Palin with devastating questions such as “what newspapers do you read.” We need a talk show host who will ask these types of hard-hitting questions to our favorite celebrities (in my case those would be: Kevin Sorbo, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kamala, Tilda Swinton and Papa Shango). Wouldn’t you love to know what newspapers Kevin Sorbo reads? He probably reads Variety, but what else is he reading? What is his favorite novel? America needs to know and only Katie C. will ask these types of questions that can ruin a career.
Ali: Woah, Katie Couric should not be allowed on television anymore. Overall, it’s terrible for America’s morale. Who cares what newspapers people read, when most articles about this woman are found in magazines, bought by women who already have made her a household name, and have given up on spontaneity and substance within the neighborhood and their sex lives. Some mid to late 40 somethin 50 somethin’s watch their celebrity peers age on television, and I wonder why not be up for a little change, folks. You know what I mean? How about retiring like a normal person, and let the following generation of journalism majors get a chance at being a talking head, covering stories such as, “Where is Katie Couric Now” or “Our Katie Couric, a Video-graphy of America’s most Fit and Beautiful Journalist’’...oh wait, maybe that’s more fitting for a People Magazine Special Edition insert. Either way, I firmly believe guest talk show time slots should be reserved for Judge Judy, Murray, and more Roseanne come-back shows.
Jake: If you want to watch reruns of “Roseanne,” then maybe you should just pop in the second disc of your “Roseanne” season 2 DVD set. Sure, it’s a great program, but comparing “Roseanne” to “Katie” is like comparing “Dougie Houser M.D.” to “Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman.” At least we can both agree that Katie Couric is the most beautiful woman in America. She has more sex appeal than James Dean’s rotten corpse and more hustle than Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse. Katie C. puts herself out there and America cannot wait to see what is next for her. The second her show debuts people will surely be calling for it to end just so they can see what she will do next. Katie Couric is making $40 million for this new talk show venture, and if you ask me she is getting screwed. She should be getting $100 million and given her own network to run. I’d love to see “Cooking with Katie,” “Katie Couric’s Night Court” and “Katie Couric’s Wildlife Adventure and Sharkstravaganza.” These programs would really put asses in seats, unlike modern-day programs like “Wild Boyz” and “Punk’d.” Fuck those shows and long live queen Couric.
Ali: Katie Couric is like eating peanut butter on crackers, semi-smooth transitions with a subtle osteoporosis crunch. I know I said she was beautiful earlier, but i was mainly referencing her defined calves. Considering I also think most professional sports players get paid way too much for a game they may never partake in, the monetary gain of Katie C’s next career move is equally asinine. I will watch a show about K.C heading out into the wilderness in search for a rare bird, and then suddenly falling into quicksand exclaiming, “ But I only spent 399 Million dollars this year so farrrrrr...” More likely this new show will air in September of this year, and I will say “Well look who it is, tanned wrinkle bag Couric counting the top ten ways to butter bread.” I can hear you now, haters gonna hate, and to quote President Obama, “Yes We Can..”
Jake: I would love to see ten ways to butter bread, because I have only been buttering my bread but two ways and they are just not working for me. In 2010 during the Super Bowl, Katie Couric interviewed our positive president Barack Obama. And like “The Monster Mash” was a graveyard smash, this interview was a ratings smash. If Couric can get top notch guests like President Obama, Sarah Palin and Kevin Sorbo, then her daytime talk show surely will be a ratings juggernaut and she is a steal at $40 million. TV is big business and Katie C is large and in charge in that medium. I would love to see a program where Katie Couric spends her money and it would fit perfectly on her theoretical network. God bless you, Katie Couric. You are an American treasure. That last sentence was directed at both Katie Couric and Ali.
Ali: You are so right, Jake. If Couric can get top notch guests, like all the guys from The Big Bang Theory, Tina Fey, the writers for Bob’s Burgers, or even Jon Stewart, then her ratings will soar. I can see her being very witty asking people if they have seen those skits on YouTube called, Lettuce Sandwich Goes to the Office, or Goodnite Lettuce Sandwich, which crack her little ass up all day! BTW! Did you hear she will also be involved in the upcoming obesity documentary, The Big Picture? I totally get it now, Katie Couric is a Hipster raging for the machine. This excerpt from an online interview really give me hope when she says, “I am happy to have found a place in the digital world where I can cut through fads and trends.” She’s already making fart jokes. I really dig this new Couric.
I'm a Genius [Video]
By Bub and Ali
Bub and Ali make up a song on the fly. Ali is the Wayne Brady of OYIT and Bub is the Wayne Gretzky.
Bub and Ali make up a song on the fly. Ali is the Wayne Brady of OYIT and Bub is the Wayne Gretzky.
Your Reality Feeds My Narcissism
By Ali
It’s a beautiful day, to talk about myself! As I go on-and on about the time in a college course, and a girl sitting behind me refuses to let me contribute to discussions without her having a couple cents, amounting to seventeen dollars and some change, of self recognition, you roll your eyes thinking, “why did I ask her to be my friend...”
You see, the thing is, I love that Nirvana song, when Curt warbles “I love myself better than you.” I always think, if you met me, you would love me equally, or more than I love myself at that moment, but as soon as you leave my presence, I love myself while thinking about how impressive I was to your life. What a blessing it is to be me. The phonies hate those who got it all figured out, with an impressive resume loaded with great references of those who liked me, because I loved myself so much at all the various volunteer locations.
Because, y’all, money isn’t everything. I once saw a man with no teeth and a couple metal detectors looking for change at an abandoned playground. Upon meeting him, I started to explain my goal of assessing the playground for a Facility Management Course, and he swiftly responded via hand gestures, No ears, No mouth. He was clearly more insane than I am, and I marveled at that fact. How did he get so many metal detectors? Could I buy one from him for 5 bucks? I bet I could make a better turn out than he could. Most impressive, he had a jar filled with Windex, sanitizing his found treasures. I smiled for a goodbye, and loved myself for doing it.
I recently saw a two dollar bill, and my friend was trying to find the spider in the web, like it is on the dollar bill as well, and I just let him sit there staring at currency thinking, “my goodness, I need so much more than this in my day.” His reality was really bumming me out.
Self respect is a necessary aspect to any job. As I am currently a waitress, I get a lot of guff from weirdos trying to disrespect me and my temporary daily chores while working like a dog. If you feel the need to tell me, “We’re going to throw away four pizzas when we get home” and I say, Whaaaat? How could you? And you respond,”oh nothing you don’t get it at all”, and your pink-ball cap wearing wife throws her head back and laughs like a jackal. That’s cool dude, but you forgot one thing, I don’t give a shit if you drive a Lexus because I knew a guy who threw a cup of urine through a Lexus’ sunroof at the mall, and I hope it was yours.
Overall, I think you get my point. If not, I will spoon feed it to you. My world is better when you talk about your stuff because your eye contact reminds me that I am being given attention. I wonder where I put my iPod so I can upload all of my songs onto my iphone.
I, I, I ,I, I, You? Wait…me me me me me me me me me me. Yes. I did.
It’s a beautiful day, to talk about myself! As I go on-and on about the time in a college course, and a girl sitting behind me refuses to let me contribute to discussions without her having a couple cents, amounting to seventeen dollars and some change, of self recognition, you roll your eyes thinking, “why did I ask her to be my friend...”
You see, the thing is, I love that Nirvana song, when Curt warbles “I love myself better than you.” I always think, if you met me, you would love me equally, or more than I love myself at that moment, but as soon as you leave my presence, I love myself while thinking about how impressive I was to your life. What a blessing it is to be me. The phonies hate those who got it all figured out, with an impressive resume loaded with great references of those who liked me, because I loved myself so much at all the various volunteer locations.
Because, y’all, money isn’t everything. I once saw a man with no teeth and a couple metal detectors looking for change at an abandoned playground. Upon meeting him, I started to explain my goal of assessing the playground for a Facility Management Course, and he swiftly responded via hand gestures, No ears, No mouth. He was clearly more insane than I am, and I marveled at that fact. How did he get so many metal detectors? Could I buy one from him for 5 bucks? I bet I could make a better turn out than he could. Most impressive, he had a jar filled with Windex, sanitizing his found treasures. I smiled for a goodbye, and loved myself for doing it.
I recently saw a two dollar bill, and my friend was trying to find the spider in the web, like it is on the dollar bill as well, and I just let him sit there staring at currency thinking, “my goodness, I need so much more than this in my day.” His reality was really bumming me out.
Self respect is a necessary aspect to any job. As I am currently a waitress, I get a lot of guff from weirdos trying to disrespect me and my temporary daily chores while working like a dog. If you feel the need to tell me, “We’re going to throw away four pizzas when we get home” and I say, Whaaaat? How could you? And you respond,”oh nothing you don’t get it at all”, and your pink-ball cap wearing wife throws her head back and laughs like a jackal. That’s cool dude, but you forgot one thing, I don’t give a shit if you drive a Lexus because I knew a guy who threw a cup of urine through a Lexus’ sunroof at the mall, and I hope it was yours.
Overall, I think you get my point. If not, I will spoon feed it to you. My world is better when you talk about your stuff because your eye contact reminds me that I am being given attention. I wonder where I put my iPod so I can upload all of my songs onto my iphone.
I, I, I ,I, I, You? Wait…me me me me me me me me me me. Yes. I did.
Money in the Hood Freestyle [Video]
By Ali
This video is an outtake from our video shoot for a music video with Ali. By "our" I am referring, of course, to Bub, Jake and Ali. We have been spending the last month shooting sketches and general nonsense. We are attempting to roll out videos every Saturday from this point forward.
-Jake
This video is an outtake from our video shoot for a music video with Ali. By "our" I am referring, of course, to Bub, Jake and Ali. We have been spending the last month shooting sketches and general nonsense. We are attempting to roll out videos every Saturday from this point forward.
-Jake
