By Glenn
Good morning. Right now I'm back in my hometown of Geneseo, Illinois for my nine year high school reunion. At least that's why I thought I was coming back. Then I received a Facebook message from the fan page for the reunion saying that the ten year reunion was in 2011, not this summer. I felt more embarrassed than the time I puked in study hall after drinking before school but not as embarrassed as the time a girl I chatted with on ICQ for weeks didn't like me. I thought she did.
[Nelson Mandela once said "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." He's right.]
Today's Weather
There was a big flood in Geneseo earlier this month. The above picture is not from it, but it represents what could have happened.
Today's Car
With my parents out of town for the night, I am left to my own devices. This situation produces the obvious difficulty of trying to sleep without nightmares but the even less obvious benefit of driving their PT Cruiser convertible. Since it's summer here in the North Hemisphere, I drive around with the top down. Even if I'm playing something as lame as Velvet Underground's Live at Max's Kansas City I feel really cool driving this convertible around the place I grew up. Some friends and I got in it last night and "cruised the loop" downtown, without acting on the obvious marijuana connotations connected to that phrase. There wasn't even anyone to holler at. There are no women over 18 and under 35 who aren't married or mothers and most of the men play frisbee golf or think racist thoughts to themselves. At least the people at the Chinese restaurant thought we were cool as we drove down the road with a backseat full of contraband lemons.
Today's Lemonade
Years ago the Simply company came out with "Simply Orange," an orange juice byproduct that humiliated Minute Maid and Tropicana as if they were me junior year of high school. But it wasn't enough. People clamored for more Simply and with enough calls, letters and death threats to members of Congress, lemonade was legalized. From that legislation Simply Lemonade was born. I rarely have it in my home because I rarely have a home, but in my parents' home the refrigerator is always stocked with Simply Lemonade and the rifle is stocked with bullets in case Bub ever tries to sleep on our basketball court again. It tastes better than Country Time because it's 11% lemon juice while Country Time is 100% powder before you add water and mayonnaise. I'd probably like CT more if I stopped adding mayonnaise but tell that to the fucking Hellmann's jar that won't quit badgering me.
Today's Prediction
My parents will come home to me having finally snapped at the mayonnaise that's been taunting me for days. I'll try to pass it off as simply exploring a new skin cream for my face, but they'll point out how I don't have acne anymore. This will in turn trigger high school memories of poor complexion. I'll get in the PT Cruiser and drive into the town flood as a way to wash away my tears, but jump out of the car before it sinks, leaving my precious lemons to drown in the backseat.
Good morning. Right now I'm back in my hometown of Geneseo, Illinois for my nine year high school reunion. At least that's why I thought I was coming back. Then I received a Facebook message from the fan page for the reunion saying that the ten year reunion was in 2011, not this summer. I felt more embarrassed than the time I puked in study hall after drinking before school but not as embarrassed as the time a girl I chatted with on ICQ for weeks didn't like me. I thought she did.
[Nelson Mandela once said "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." He's right.]
Today's Weather
There was a big flood in Geneseo earlier this month. The above picture is not from it, but it represents what could have happened.
For Allan Ward, this is the third flood he's lived through in his lifetime. Friday, a restoration crew began sorting through his office of agribusiness, saving what wasn't damaged by the mud and water.I don't know how Allan can stay so positive. A torrential downpour of rain was laid upon the people who least deserved it and could least deal with it: trailer parks. I think it's bullshit, though I'm glad his office wasn't damaged. Most sadly and perhaps ironically, there is no true grocery store in Geneseo right now so you can't even get lemons if you want them.
Some of Ward's items lost include a lifetime collection of car magazine and historic toys he's collected. At the same time, he's keeping a positive outlook. "You got to make lemonade out of lemons, I mean, you can't go through life being depressed and down all the time you'd never get anywhere. So this is just another hurdle, we'll get over it and we'll go on." says Ward.
Today's Car
With my parents out of town for the night, I am left to my own devices. This situation produces the obvious difficulty of trying to sleep without nightmares but the even less obvious benefit of driving their PT Cruiser convertible. Since it's summer here in the North Hemisphere, I drive around with the top down. Even if I'm playing something as lame as Velvet Underground's Live at Max's Kansas City I feel really cool driving this convertible around the place I grew up. Some friends and I got in it last night and "cruised the loop" downtown, without acting on the obvious marijuana connotations connected to that phrase. There wasn't even anyone to holler at. There are no women over 18 and under 35 who aren't married or mothers and most of the men play frisbee golf or think racist thoughts to themselves. At least the people at the Chinese restaurant thought we were cool as we drove down the road with a backseat full of contraband lemons.
Today's Lemonade
Years ago the Simply company came out with "Simply Orange," an orange juice byproduct that humiliated Minute Maid and Tropicana as if they were me junior year of high school. But it wasn't enough. People clamored for more Simply and with enough calls, letters and death threats to members of Congress, lemonade was legalized. From that legislation Simply Lemonade was born. I rarely have it in my home because I rarely have a home, but in my parents' home the refrigerator is always stocked with Simply Lemonade and the rifle is stocked with bullets in case Bub ever tries to sleep on our basketball court again. It tastes better than Country Time because it's 11% lemon juice while Country Time is 100% powder before you add water and mayonnaise. I'd probably like CT more if I stopped adding mayonnaise but tell that to the fucking Hellmann's jar that won't quit badgering me.
Today's Prediction
My parents will come home to me having finally snapped at the mayonnaise that's been taunting me for days. I'll try to pass it off as simply exploring a new skin cream for my face, but they'll point out how I don't have acne anymore. This will in turn trigger high school memories of poor complexion. I'll get in the PT Cruiser and drive into the town flood as a way to wash away my tears, but jump out of the car before it sinks, leaving my precious lemons to drown in the backseat.
