By Jake
I should preface this edition of OWE by saying that I do not watch television (although I keep up on a few TV series via the internet), and therefore have no idea who at least half of these people are. Yet, I started doing this thinking it would draw more females to the site, and it has. If entertainment was a bear trap, than the women who read this article are like the park rangers who accidentally get their leg snapped off by the ankle from looking at the foliage. Now that I've been condescending, it's time for the news.
Allison Hannigan describers herself as being like "a Koala bear where I'm slightly stoned." I'm not going to read that article because a)if that quote is given context it stops being amazing and b)I could fucking care less about Allison Hannigan.
Lil' Wayne shows off his bowling skills.
Proto-Tina Fey singer/songwriter Lisa Loeb has tied the knot (slang for getting married). Congrats Lisa.
Michael Phelps appologizes for a picture of him toking up. Fuck that, Mike. Just get high and watch the Gummi Bears like the rest of us.
Emma Watson is sexy, embarrassed.
Sexy Jewess Scarlett Johansson has gone bruentte. Too bad she's married to uber douche Ryan Reynolds and releases awful albums full of Tom Waits covers. I don't know why it's too bad.
Christian Bale yelled at some guy.
Jean Claude Van Damme is answering our prayers and is pushing for a Bloodsport sequel. I say bring it on. I'll fucking watch it.
Now, having said the above about a Bloodsport sequel, I feel that I have to clearify my rant from last week's OWE column about reboots. I have negative feels toward the unoriginal ideas that Hollywood lets through, yet I don't mind a sequel. At least a sequel is a building off of an original idea. Occasionally sequels are even worth watching. Remakes and reboots are just annoying. Making a sequel to Friday the 13th is fine by me, but rebooting the series is just stupid. Why even bother? Why is giving Jason Voorhees a mullet a good thing? Why can't Jason just go to a mall and go all Killbots on some teens? I'd watch that. You would watch that. Are you going to go see a reboot where Jason is at Camp Crystal Lake doing the same boring shit he does in every movie, but now he has a fucking mullet? Hopefully not, but a lot of people will and then they will shit out reboot sequels (like they did with Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween). FUCK!
Sorry about that! Entertainment news pisses me off.
Michael Phelps was caught hitting a bong. Kellogs drops him. (I got high and watched Gummi Bears and accidentally reported this twice, just like People.com did).
Eva Longoria's husband bought a French baseball team. Very interesting.
The younger brother of the Blacked Eyed Peas' Apl.de.ap was murdered. Our prayers are with the de.ap family.
Musical artist MIA is going to "rap" at the Grammies on her due date. I put rap in quotes, because I feel like she's not a rapper. To me she is somewhere between electronic and pop music. Just because somebody sells records doesn't make them a rapper.
Nick Carter nearly died from heart disease. Now he's sobered up. Our prayers go out to the families of all of the boy bands, not just Carter's.
Here's a story containing three people I hate: Ellen DeGeneres, John Mayer and Jennifer Anniston.
Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas has a child on the way. Congrats Taboo!
Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas favorite wedding moment was saying "I do." How adorable.
Women, get ready: there's another Sex in the City movie coming!
Singer for the Cramps Lux Interior died from a heart condition. RIP Lux. Here's a video to lead out of this week's OWE:
I should preface this edition of OWE by saying that I do not watch television (although I keep up on a few TV series via the internet), and therefore have no idea who at least half of these people are. Yet, I started doing this thinking it would draw more females to the site, and it has. If entertainment was a bear trap, than the women who read this article are like the park rangers who accidentally get their leg snapped off by the ankle from looking at the foliage. Now that I've been condescending, it's time for the news.
Allison Hannigan describers herself as being like "a Koala bear where I'm slightly stoned." I'm not going to read that article because a)if that quote is given context it stops being amazing and b)I could fucking care less about Allison Hannigan.
Lil' Wayne shows off his bowling skills.
Proto-Tina Fey singer/songwriter Lisa Loeb has tied the knot (slang for getting married). Congrats Lisa.
Michael Phelps appologizes for a picture of him toking up. Fuck that, Mike. Just get high and watch the Gummi Bears like the rest of us.
Emma Watson is sexy, embarrassed.
Sexy Jewess Scarlett Johansson has gone bruentte. Too bad she's married to uber douche Ryan Reynolds and releases awful albums full of Tom Waits covers. I don't know why it's too bad.
Christian Bale yelled at some guy.
Jean Claude Van Damme is answering our prayers and is pushing for a Bloodsport sequel. I say bring it on. I'll fucking watch it.
Now, having said the above about a Bloodsport sequel, I feel that I have to clearify my rant from last week's OWE column about reboots. I have negative feels toward the unoriginal ideas that Hollywood lets through, yet I don't mind a sequel. At least a sequel is a building off of an original idea. Occasionally sequels are even worth watching. Remakes and reboots are just annoying. Making a sequel to Friday the 13th is fine by me, but rebooting the series is just stupid. Why even bother? Why is giving Jason Voorhees a mullet a good thing? Why can't Jason just go to a mall and go all Killbots on some teens? I'd watch that. You would watch that. Are you going to go see a reboot where Jason is at Camp Crystal Lake doing the same boring shit he does in every movie, but now he has a fucking mullet? Hopefully not, but a lot of people will and then they will shit out reboot sequels (like they did with Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween). FUCK!
Sorry about that! Entertainment news pisses me off.
Michael Phelps was caught hitting a bong. Kellogs drops him. (I got high and watched Gummi Bears and accidentally reported this twice, just like People.com did).
Eva Longoria's husband bought a French baseball team. Very interesting.
The younger brother of the Blacked Eyed Peas' Apl.de.ap was murdered. Our prayers are with the de.ap family.
Musical artist MIA is going to "rap" at the Grammies on her due date. I put rap in quotes, because I feel like she's not a rapper. To me she is somewhere between electronic and pop music. Just because somebody sells records doesn't make them a rapper.
Nick Carter nearly died from heart disease. Now he's sobered up. Our prayers go out to the families of all of the boy bands, not just Carter's.
Here's a story containing three people I hate: Ellen DeGeneres, John Mayer and Jennifer Anniston.
Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas has a child on the way. Congrats Taboo!
Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas favorite wedding moment was saying "I do." How adorable.
Women, get ready: there's another Sex in the City movie coming!
Singer for the Cramps Lux Interior died from a heart condition. RIP Lux. Here's a video to lead out of this week's OWE:
