Showing posts with label kittens...inspired by...kittens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kittens...inspired by...kittens. Show all posts

Hi Katy [Volume II, Issue XII] Sometimes It's Hard to Laugh Edition

By Katy



Good morning/afternoon/next day/three days after post everyone! This is going to be a switch up edition. As many of you know, my entire life is falling apart, so I don't feel it's appropriate at this juncture in my week to dispense advice, but I don't want to leave you lonely on this pre-four-twenty Sunday. Thus, please enjoy some personal prose:

And Then It Was Gone: A Love Story

In the middle of a boring town, on a boring block, lived a boring and listless girl. Her name was Eliza. Eliza had dolls and a tea set and a strong aversion to empty fantasy, so with her dolls and her tea set she did not play. She had books and encyclopedias and fundamental Christian parents, so with knowledge she did not learn. Her room was filled with paints and with paper, brushes and crayons, with chalk and with canvas, but her head was void of invention and lacked conception, so with art she did not create.

Eliza sat.

For days she would sit under the apple tree in her yard and watch the squirrels scurry about and listen to the neighborhood dogs growl. When ants crawled around her she'd stomp them. When birds landed above her she'd scream at them. When neighborhood children laughed, she'd cry for them. Then she'd laugh because she knew she was only crying for herself. She was really fucking boring. And a little strange.

In hopes of providing their daughter with some wholesome entertainment, Eliza's parents bought her a kitten. A little black kitten with big green eyes that encompassed all the emotion in the world Eliza didn't understand.

They quickly became the best of friends.

For days they would sit under the apple tree in her yard and ignore the squirrels and neighborhood dogs and Eliza would shower the kitten with affection. The kitten would swat at the ants and hiss at the birds that landed above them. When they heard children laugh they would look at each other in silent understanding; knowing their bond transcended their loneliness.

Eliza would have tea parties with the kitten and paint the kitten pictures. She read her books aloud to the kitten and together they would learn about the world. About loss. About joy. About despair. About hope.

One day, Eliza went outside with a bucket full of water to give the kitten a bath. She shampooed and she massaged and cleaned the kitten up. She rinsed and repeated. She chuckled at how the hair clung to the kitten's body. She sang with the birds and greeted each ant. She scoffed at the ignorant laughter of neighborhood children and growled back at the neighborhood dogs. She smiled at the warm sun and felt the breeze on her face. She forgot her loneliness and abandoned her sadness and felt perfect and free. She embraced the idea of the fantastical and marveled at nature's pulchritude. (She noted to look up "pulchritude" in one of her dictionaries). Her eyes became damp as joy rushed through her.

Moments later, remembering, she pulled the lifeless kitten from the bucket.


-The End-

Good morning HEALTH CARE

By Glenn 

Good morning. It's so rare I can wish you a good morning in the shadow of such great news. It seems like every time I'm excited to write this column a space shuttle explodes or the Republicans win a special election somewhere in this great land. Now I have the distinct pleasure of telling you that yesterday HISTORIC health care reform passed the US House of Representatives, with some of the writers from this website casting the deciding votes to get us to 219 and secure passage. It should be smooth sailing from here on out, with a simple up or down vote needed in the US Senate and then our President's Kenyan, left-handed illegitimate signature.

[Let's talk about all good things this morning, okay?]


Today's Weather

Online video chat by Ustream
Look at this LIVE STREAM of some sort of self-aware camera staged right at the Red River in downtown Grand Forks. The river, like health care costs, has been contained! The beloved downtown where I spent so many months killing homeless people and artists is free of standing water. Our old campaign office remains along with the painful memories of the artists who perished there. I'm not saying this flood won't ruin lives - and it probably already has - but I just wanted to highlight this bit of good news.


Today's Right Wing Reaction
One of the nice things about health care reform passing the House yesterday is that it also means those opposed to Obama, the Democratic Party and liberalism are very frustrated. This will seem a lot less funny when this frustration turns into violence, but for now let's make some light of it.

First up, the Orange Goblin himself, John Boehner:

This guy becomes manic at the thought of spending money to provide health care to almost all citizens of the United States. I'd say his face is turning red, but he's already orange. That's practically a shade of red.

Next is a lovely message from Dale Robertson – Founder/President Tea Party/TeaParty.org:
What did we expect from national socialists?

Arm twisting, threats, buying votes and political dirty tricks are now the normal operating procedure for the new regime.

The Obama putsch has taken roots and is thriving in the new era of the expanded welfare state. The American people said NO, Conservatives said NO, but it makes no difference when the oligarchy says; ‘Yes we can’ in spite of the will of the people.

First they came for our wellness; our health-care fell into their hands.

If we stop the madness and restore America now we can halt the bleeding of our freedom. However, if we don’t, then keep reading and learn what will happen next.

Next they will come for our sovereignty and our beloved nation will be flooded with millions of illegal aliens further converting America into a socialist state.

Then they will come for our guns, and our gun rights will falls into their hands.

After that they will come for more taxes, collection of healthcare premiums, along with penalties and fees will be heaped upon the American public. A new form of debtor’s prison will emerge, not of walls, bars and cells, but the loss of rights. Privileges will be rewarded to those who obey while the disobedient are punished by privilege banishment.

Subsequently they will come for our money, currency will disappear. Taxes, income and expense will be deemed to volatile and too complicated to manage. America will turn into a cashless and currency less government controlled geographic contained society.

Finally, they will come for our homes. Every house becomes guaranteed and insured by the federal government and by doing so, becomes an asset of the state. Homeownership will be an illusion, home ownership in name only.

The thrill of risk and reward will vanish in a cloud of the greatest good, and free enterprise will become the unwilling slave of the new enlighten order.

Yes America, change is in the wind, for this is what you voted for and this is exactly what you got. Congratulations.

Codicil: To restore our beloved nation from the pestilence of National Socialism and liberal extremism we must rise up, pledge our life, liberty and sacred honor. We must vote them out! We must file law suits to stop egregious legislation. We must march in protest. Most of all, we must build our ranks, recruit, grow, and train our members on how to restore our nation. We must not be afraid of this task, for this is our land; our nation and our heritage, freedom is our national treasure. Our freedom, liberty and self governance have fallen upon our shoulders and it will be our effort that will stop the greatest runway government in history.
I hope you didn't read all of that because I know I didn't. We really don't need that kind of vile nonsense in our lives. I do want to point out that this rambling, paranoid diatribe literally begins with calling the Democratic Party Nazis. You gotta admire the bravery to use that in the first line, but it kind of mutes the outrage of the proceeding lines.


Today's Kitten Picture

This kitten just found out that it could stay on its mother's feline health insurance until it is twenty-six in cat years.


Today's Box Office News

Though no one should be happy that Alice in Wonderland earns millions of dollars, there is some silver lining to be had in looking at this weekend's box office news.
And Jude Law and Forest Whitaker's action thriller "Repo Men" flopped, debuting at #4 opening with just $6.2 million. Law plays a repo man on the run in a future where organs are bloodily repossessed if patients miss their payments.
The amazing Stephanie Zacharek of Salon.com says it better about Repo Men here than I could, but let's just say I was disappointed in the film. It's not worth seeing and it looks like people are learning that without making the same mistake my sister and I did.


Today's Prediction

In the next week THE US SENATE will pass via reconciliation the fixes needed to its original bill. This will cause John Boehner's head to explode, with pumpkin seeds flying all over the Republican House caucus - who had assembled to see a special screening of Repo Men. The team had intended to use the film's dystopian health care vision as a campaign tool against the Democrats, but recoil when the the public says "NO!" to Jude Law. That kitten will be the only casualty in the Red River flood of 2010. Sorry girls, but at least Dale Robertson - Founder/President Tea Party/TeaParty.org- is still around:

What a dreamboat!

Good morning from OYIT [June 22, 2009]

By Ingrid
This morning is inspired by…KITTENS!!
Pretty much everyone who knows what the Internet is has seen this video by now (in both YouTube years and cat years, it’s well beyond middle age), but I continue to come back to it in moments of weakness. Well, this is a moment of weakness if ever there was one, readers [DON’T ASK].



Hippies: Just Like You or Me

Living in Flagstaff, it’s pretty hard not to think about hippies. They’re everywhere. Washing their clothes at the Laundromat, buying their groceries at the grocery store, eating their food in the restaurants. They’re practically like you or me. Did you know an ancient prophecy made by Hopi elders predicted the hippie movement of the 1960s? (Hippies...Predicted!) I don’t know if the prophecy predicted Grace Slick of Jefferson Airplane, but here is a video anyway:



This has got to be the only hit song to feature the nose as an instrument.

I went through an inexplicable stage in high school where I would only listen to Jefferson Airplane, Bob Dylan, and Cat Stevens. My hair was down to my butt and I wore tie-dyed skirts that I realize only now, ten years too late, were totally see-through.

Springfield, MO Is At It Again!


Oh, Springfield. Springfield, Springfield, Springfield. You know, in many ways, your hometown is like your family: you love it despite its painful redneckedness, despite the moldy couches and rusted refrigerators on its porches, despite its penchant for eating pickled pig ears and snake meat and similar hillbilly delicacies. You look past the fact that it chooses its politicians based solely on their stances on terrorist and baby killin’ (one’s good, one’s bad), and you just love it anyway.

Springfield, MO’s current gaffe (I’m taking back the word “gaffe” and applying it to words that aren’t Joe Biden!):

"State can't ban neo-Nazi group from program"

Several things are ridiculous about this article. Let me summarize, for those who don’t want to read the whole thing.

1. Nazis adopted a highway on the edge of town. Like, honest-to-god Nazis.
2. Since they couldn’t think of a less passive-aggressive way of preventing said Nazis from adopting said highway, the city retaliated by naming the highway after a Jewish activist and holocaust survivor, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. [To clarify, signs along the stretch of highway would more or less read: "Rabbi Heschel Memorial Highway," and then below that, smaller: "Brought to you by ... NAZIs!"]
3. This offended Heschel’s daughter, who says her father would not have wanted to lend his name to a highway that is being trampled by Nazis.
4. That’s all ridiculous in itself, but even MORE ridiculous is the fact that the original headline atop the article (it’s been changed now, after pages of irate comments) was: “State can’t ban socialist group from program.” As if “socialist” is a synonym for “Nazi”! Argh! Just what we need: something else erroneously tying modern socialism with the most despicable hate group of our time. Somewhere, another social program dies.

Oh, Springfield! How I simultaneously love and hate you!

Look at me, ranting again. Where does the time go? It’s nearly 7 a.m., and I was supposed to milk the cows hours ago. Have a nice day, and please tell me next time an article of my clothing is see-through!