One Week Entertainment [3-14-09]

By Kaleena

Let's just get started.

• Amy Winehouse is charged with assault. Second time around? Already? Did you know this girl is only 25? Crack ages one badly.
  
  
• Zac Effron's mom bought him condoms for Christmas last year. Mmmmm - nope. No matter how famous you are, it just seems weird. Unless they're an extremely over-sexed juvie, then it's just really goddamn smart.
  
  
• Oprah advises Chris Brown & Rihanna on a recent show of hers. As usual, no one fucking asked her.
  
  
• Real Housewive's Kelly Bensimon is arrested for punching her boyfriend. That took less time than it took to get charges pressed against Chris Brown!
  
  
• Coolio was charged with drug possession and battery after grabbing a screening attendant's arm in order to prevent a drug search in an airport somewhere. Well what a surprise!
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan is partnering up with a spray-tan company to release a spray tan that is made from all natural ingredients and only costs $35.00. Here's the thing - I have never considered a fake tan until now. I also have never had much respect for Lindsay Lohan until now - not that that will last.
  
  
• French-president Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife are beginning to head down the route of Marie Antoinette and Louis-Auguste. They are being ridiculed pretty harshly by the French taxpayers after a recent over-night trip to Mexico got leaked to the press, being one of the most recent luxurious getaways for the couple. Okay guys, history has known to repeat itself so I'd just watch that Sophia Copola movie rendition of the whole event and just keep those images in your mind.
  
  
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams got secretly married in a Savannah, GA. Yea you two!
  
  
• Joaquin Phoenix jumped into the crowd at his Miami Beach club show Tuesday to put a heckler in his place. Joaquin Phoenix is losing his fucking mind.
  
  
• David Hasselhoff's ex was arrested with felony DUI charges. Karma's a whore - a wonderfully hilarious whore.
  
  
• The Dog Whisperer becomes a U.S. citizen. Really now? Really - do we need anymore assholes. Well, I guess that is what makes this America.
  
  
• Tyra Banks gives her shocked-opinion of the Chris Brown allegations. I just can't believe how much I could give less of a shit.
  
  
• Michael Phelp's admits to Matt Lauer that he made a bad mistake and poor judgment call about smoking that bong. I can't wait until weed's legal and things like this are no longer news.

And that is all for this week.