Debate: Bullying

By Jake and Glenn

Bullying is a hot button topic ever since that 13 year old girl killed herself after being cyber bullied by some of her peers and a mother.  Does one dead kid really have to ruin bullying for everybody?  What will become of Bluto from “Popeye” or, more importantly, Moose from “Archie”?  This debate will attempt to answer these questions and we will finally have a full understanding of the human bully and what drives them.

Jake:  Bullying is bad when you are on the receiving end, but when you are dishing it out it is really fun.  Do you think the knuckleheads who beat Matthew Sheppard to death were having a bad time?  I seriously doubt it.  It was probably a blast for them, but they made a fatal mistake--literally.  They accidentally killed Sheppard.  Bullying itself is fine, but there is a line that need not be crossed, and that line is death.  Cyber bullying sounds safer than the good ol’ fashioned syle of “beat ‘em up” bullying, but it seems as if it can get out of hand rather quickly because you cannot virtually gauge a victim’s reaction.  What starts out as a hilarious prank can turn deadly, but is bullying to blame or is it just a matter of circumstances?

Glenn:  Bullying is to blame, both for the dramatic increase in teen suicide since homosexuality was discovered in 1977 and for the dramatic increase in school shootings since the Second Amendment was passed in 1791.  Bullying is mean!  Just because someone is weaker than you physically or mentally is no reason to start hassling him/her.  I meet plenty of people - at work, on the streets, in my basement - who I know I could bully.  But what would I get out of it?  Years down the line I’d feel bad for having bullied them and a few years after that probably kill myself out of shame and regret.  I have enough reasons to end my life as it is, why add bullying regret to that list?

Jake:  Somebody ought to explain “survival of the fittest” to my debate partner.  This is the rule that specifically states we should pick on those that are different and weaker than us.  If this rule did not exist, we would all be in wheelchairs and have hands and feet like Lobster Boy.  Thankfully, “survival of the fittest” exists in nature, even human nature.  Maybe bullies will regret their actions and kill themselves, which is fine.  Survival of the fittest!  You cannot handle being bullied or bullying, then maybe suicide is the answer--it often is.  This planet has too many people, let us not coddle the pussies who can’t handle a hilarious practical joke or a few punches in the face/stomach.  You don’t want to be bullied?  Then become a bully--problem solved.

Glenn:  If everyone is a bully, then who becomes the bullied?  That reminds me of the old rhetorical question “who polices the police?”  The answer to that question is civilian review boards and perhaps the answer to the bullying question is similar.  A council of elder bullies, similar to the Ulama in Islam, could decide what bullying is appropriate and what isn’t.  Whatever system we adopt, it is clear that the “wild west” heyday of bullying needs to end.  Right now, bullies terrorize our schools worse than premarital sex and viral videos.  My debate partner adopts Social Darwinism now but was singing a very different tune in junior high when he was bullied by several overweight girls on a daily basis.  They stole his money, his wrestling trading cards and eventually his pride.  An anti-bullying law that put those girls like that to death would prevent future abuse and actually has a shot in far right-wing legislatures like Texas and Florida.

Jake:  If we put every overweight female to death, as you are proposing, then neither of us would have a love life.  While it is easy and trendy to be anti-bullying, it is, some would say, heroic to support bullying.  Now, I am not going to call myself a hero, but if you do then so be it.  If you want to carry me around on your shoulders, then go ahead and hoist me up.  If you drop me, you are going to get a wedgie so hard that your eyes will bug out of your head as if you were a cartoon wolf seeing a sexy red headed woman.  To paraphrase Tupac Shakur, bullying is one of the greatest joys in life next to getting pussy.  Hell, I’ll go one further and say that it is better than getting pussy, especially if you are a homosexual or a heterosexual female.  There is never a time in your life where you will feel a surge of power like you do when bullying unless you are a rapist.

Glenn:  As a homosexual male transitioning into a heterosexual female, I can say with authority there is nothing worse than being bullied.  Transgender people across this great country are often bullied because of who they are.  Even a famous rapper like Tupac Shakur was no doubt bullied at some point for being from Oregon.  Some would say his murder at the hands of East Coast gangsters and the CIA was the logical conclusion of this bullying.  Others would say the CIA wasn’t involved but just happily observes black-on-black crime.  Whatever your stance on racial violence issues are, you can agree that bullying causes all of these problems and more.  My debate partner is a hero for battling through the adversity of bullying and becoming the self-made transitioning man he is today.  If only all of us bullied could be so lucky.  Let's bully bullying itself until it kills itself in front of its classmates like in Jeremy!


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