Showing posts with label mel gibson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mel gibson. Show all posts

Good Morning Racists!

By Cougar & Goat

It is a well established fact that One Year In Texas is a pro-racism website. In fact, we are so racist we make Prussian Blue look like the Prussian Rainbow Coalition. But you, our readers, know this, and that's why you continue to frequent our site. I've seen the stats. I've seen the search queries. I know that at least 34% of the people that will read this post have a shaved head. You visit this site because you can't get what you need from your KKKA (Ku Klux Klan Anonymous) meetings. This site is a haven for you - a place where you can surf the purest information super highways of cyberspace, but I'm afraid I have some disturbing news. Watch this trailer:



It's true, my white brethren, and you know it all too well. Activist Judges have turned our world on its head. It's been a rough summer for us. It started when well known racist and actor Mel Gibson was ridiculed in the press. I know most of you have already memorized the telephone rant between him and his Russian wife, but I will post it here again.



He is a role model for us all, but there are others, too. And they continue to lead us through adversity.

Our favorite physician, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, has been dragged into the streets by a mob of angry east coast media elites and strung up by her microphone chord:



She was only speaking the truth! What was our White Brother thinking when he married that uppity black? Dr. Laura was just following Don Imus' lead and putting her back in her place. When will the intermingling stop? It's starting to infest our music.

It appears that some "DJs" called The Hood Internet have "mashed up" the band Grizzly Bear with a rapper, Dead Prez. It's an abomination to all the educated, white, college kids who listen to Grizzly Bear and disdain the primal sounds of today's "Jungle Music." Just listen:


The Hood Internet - Two Weeks Of Hip Hop (Dead Prez x Grizzly Bear) by hoodinternet

I bet "President" Barack Hussein Obama-Soetoro listened to that before he gave that speech endorsing the building of the radical Islamic madrassa and mosque that are being built on Ground Zero. He may call it "hallowed ground" like Lincoln at Gettysburg, but he's just trying to emulate the president that freed him.

Predictions:

Grizzly Bear and Dead Prez will play at the grand opening of the Ground Zero Mosque while Obama speaks at its dedication. Meanwhile, Prussian Blue will headline an opposition rally/campaign kick-off for the Gibson/Schlessinger presidential ticket. The movie Activist Judges will literally bomb at the box office when the Aryan Nation finally awakes:

One Week in Entertainment

By Glenn 

In case you haven't been getting enough of Mario Lopez, he will be on a new "reality" TV show on VH1 soon. He had sex with his wife and now she is pregnant, so you can watch how they painfully decide to undergo an abortion. It will be very similar to the Saved by the Bell episode when the same thing happened with Jesse.

A US Appeals Court this week ruled that FCC's obscenity rules were "unconstitutionally vague," which is the same thing I said about most of the legislation passed between 2003-2007. The good news for us as low brow television viewers is we can see more swears and human torsos.

Mel Gibson's life keeps falling apart. The audio clips of his what some on the left call "racist" voicemails are now available. Additionally, he was given a $50 ticket for sleeping on the train in Los Angeles. Next week I wouldn't be surprised to hear that he was involved in the NAACP-Tea Party feud, but on which side?

The cast of Jersey Shore is on strike, to the extent they have anything to strike from. They want more money so MTV can continue to record them acting like drunk idiots. If they aren't careful, though, they will be replaced by alpacas or some other species who can mimic human behavior.

The Pitchfork Media Festival of 2010 happens this weekend. This year, the Eagles and Broken Social Scene headline. Broken Social Scene will be playing tracks off their new, third LP and the Eagles will be playing older songs such as "Hotel California."

NASCAR driver Carl Edwards's feud with Brad Keselowski continues because Edwards hit Keselowski with his car during a race. That is a bad thing in the NASCAR world because it's dangerous to hit someone with your car and it's also a sign of disrespect.

A new (good) morning

By Stephen 

[Welcome our newest writer: Stephen!]

Today’s History Lesson

Today marks the 911th anniversary of the first successful plundering of Jerusalem by European Crusaders, in which thousands of Muslims were raped, killed, and/or forced to convert to Christianity. There is nothing funny about this, per se, unless you are a Muslim-hating Christian. Not that all Christians hate Muslims - just those Christians who vote Republican. (Kidding!) (Sort of.)

Today in Exotic Foods

Pending approval by EU health inspectors, camel milk from the UAE will be sold on supermarket shelves in the UK as early as next year. Supposedly it is rich in vitamin-C and very salty. Not as salty, however, as the tears your children will cry after you trick them into drinking it.

Today in Famous People

George Steinbrenner died yesterday. Not sure if he was a Lethal Weapon fan, but a lot of people liked the first one so it’s possible. I mention Lethal Weapon because I really hope the recently released recording of Mel Gibson telling his ex-girlfriend that she “deserved it” when he hit her so hard that he broke her teeth had nothing to do with the massive heart attack Steinbrenner suffered. It probably didn’t. But we will never know for sure.

Today’s Prediction

In the wake of Marmaduke’s $50 million box-office success, studios will become so desperate for adaptations of lame comic strips that someone will commission Mel Gibson to write and direct an(other) adaptation of Prince Valiant. It will be a violent comedy based on the 1st successful Crusade against Muslim-occupied Jerusalem. While filming on location, Mel will be raped by a pack of Bedouins and left for dead until a friendly camel nurses him back to health.

One Week in Entertainment

By Glenn 

Do you remember Thundercats? In the off chance you don't operate in a world of paranoid nostalgia or fail to infantilize yourself, let me remind you: it was a cartoon! The person who created it was MURDERED in Florida. They arrested the guy who did it though. The only person who can legally commit murder in Florida is LeBron James.

Poor Mel Gibson has been dropped from William Morris, the Hollywood talent agency. This isn't because he lacks talent (though he does) but rather because of the incendiary voicemails he left for LeBron James or his ex-girlfriend, which are now available here. This guy can't catch a fucking break!

The girl Lindsay Lohan used to date has attacked Joan Rivers for attacking Lindsay Lohan with jokes. You can't be mad at Joan Rivers for making fun of someone - that is her raison d'etre. That's like me criticizing Lindsay Lohan for getting drunk or Mel Gibson for being a wooden actor.

The person that is married to Tori Spelling was in an accident and it has been hard on the kids. This man's name is Dean and he is one half of arguably the worst "reality" show on television. Watching the previews for it is the only thing worse than actually watching the show, as the producers/editors try to compile scenes of a sad, banal 22 minutes into 1.


The biggest story of the week was the capture and subsequent release of the Emmy nominations. The usual dramas did great - Dexter, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Skin, etc. - and the usual comedies also received some great nominations - The Office, 2.5 Men, One Day in April, 30 Rock. For some reason Lost was nominated for Best Drama despite this final season being the worst in the show's run. Additionally, Community was shut out and Parks and Rec was, some say, criminally under-nominated. The LA County Prosecutor will decide if actual criminal charges should be brought.

Finally, if I'm allowed to consider the World Cup as entertainment, the final is tomorrow. This will be the highest rated sporting event of the year, so you better make plans to watch it. The teams are both European, which appeals to the Eurocentric, racist society we affectionately call "America." Hopefully the score will be 2-2 and go into overtime and then penalty kicks. That would be the best football World Cup final ever! Whoever wins this game will have bragging rights for the next four years, just like President Obama.

One Week in Entertainment (Mel Gibson edition)

By Glenn 

Last week in this column I wished that the US would win its upcoming World Cup game and they lost. Now I realize the power of this entertainment article is that anything you wish for will not come true. Dreams only come true for celebrities.

Dreams came true for Lindsay Lohan this year on her 24th birthday, which is the most important birthday a young person can celebrate. She was punched in the face by a waitress! Lindsay is now the victim of completely random assaults. She is our generation's Reginald Denny.

Melissa Etheridge, famous for pop songs and being a lesbian, is ending the "partnership" between her and her "girlfriend" in California. They did not get legally married during the brief period of equality in 2008 where consensual adults of any sex were allowed to marry each other. It's better that they choose to split than have the State of California take their marriage away from them, the way conservative bigots would please.

The opposite of dissolving a family is starting one, and that is what Joey Fatone is doing - or technically 'starting over' as he and wife Kelly say. “It was like starting over again,” says Joey, 33. “Diapers, midnight feedings, all that. We hadn’t done it in nine years.” If all of those things mean starting over, then I've been starting over a few times a year since I turned 24!

The so-called War on Drugs is misguided and it may have now claimed another innocent victim. Paris Hilton was detained in South Africa during the World Cup for allegedly smoking marijuana. She was released, but what this has done to her reputation might be fatal. Her "rep" said it was all a misunderstanding and Paris is now going on safari. I hope she shoots a big elephant!

Zac Hanson from the musical group Hanson is expecting a second baby and now his wife is too. The last thing I heard about Hanson is that they were opening for Degrassi rap star Drake at a free concert in New York, which was canceled from rioting. This has to be considered better news in comparison.

Vampire movie "Edward and Jacob" grossed $30 million dollars opening night, with an emphasis on gross. Talking about movies is kind of like talking about campaigns now - we care a lot about how much money is involved and less about what that money means and the substance behind the product. Yet who am I to judge? I stood in line for three hours before a midnight showing dressed as Jonathan Lipnicki from Little Vampires.

Finally, the most and least shocking news of the week involves a voicemail Mel Gibson left for an ex-girlfriend. We have all made similar mistakes, but none of us lack the kind of values and character Mel does. Religious zealot, Catholic apologist, racist, anti-Semite - he should be running as a Republican nominee for a Southern Congressional seat!

Mel Gibosn said things such as:

"You're an embarrassment to me"

"You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault."

"How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice."

"I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first."

Unlike Mel himself, I will not sit and judgment of statements made during an argument that could be taken out of context. There is nothing inherently wrong about what he said, but I think he should at least apologize for Lethal Weapon 4, which was pretty stupid.