Showing posts with label lindsay lohan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lindsay lohan. Show all posts

One Week in Entertainment

By Glenn 

Do you remember Thundercats? In the off chance you don't operate in a world of paranoid nostalgia or fail to infantilize yourself, let me remind you: it was a cartoon! The person who created it was MURDERED in Florida. They arrested the guy who did it though. The only person who can legally commit murder in Florida is LeBron James.

Poor Mel Gibson has been dropped from William Morris, the Hollywood talent agency. This isn't because he lacks talent (though he does) but rather because of the incendiary voicemails he left for LeBron James or his ex-girlfriend, which are now available here. This guy can't catch a fucking break!

The girl Lindsay Lohan used to date has attacked Joan Rivers for attacking Lindsay Lohan with jokes. You can't be mad at Joan Rivers for making fun of someone - that is her raison d'etre. That's like me criticizing Lindsay Lohan for getting drunk or Mel Gibson for being a wooden actor.

The person that is married to Tori Spelling was in an accident and it has been hard on the kids. This man's name is Dean and he is one half of arguably the worst "reality" show on television. Watching the previews for it is the only thing worse than actually watching the show, as the producers/editors try to compile scenes of a sad, banal 22 minutes into 1.


The biggest story of the week was the capture and subsequent release of the Emmy nominations. The usual dramas did great - Dexter, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Skin, etc. - and the usual comedies also received some great nominations - The Office, 2.5 Men, One Day in April, 30 Rock. For some reason Lost was nominated for Best Drama despite this final season being the worst in the show's run. Additionally, Community was shut out and Parks and Rec was, some say, criminally under-nominated. The LA County Prosecutor will decide if actual criminal charges should be brought.

Finally, if I'm allowed to consider the World Cup as entertainment, the final is tomorrow. This will be the highest rated sporting event of the year, so you better make plans to watch it. The teams are both European, which appeals to the Eurocentric, racist society we affectionately call "America." Hopefully the score will be 2-2 and go into overtime and then penalty kicks. That would be the best football World Cup final ever! Whoever wins this game will have bragging rights for the next four years, just like President Obama.

Lindsay Lohan: Truthful Actor in the Role of Life

By Jake 

A lot of people think a lot of things about Lindsay Lohan, but some of those people are wrong. It's the law of averages, look it up. Lindsay cannot be as bad as people or photographers make her out. I believe that Lohan is a model citizen like you or me. Just like us, she sometimes gets superbly drunk and falls down at a high-profile film festival. She is, after all, only human.

Lindsay Lohan is a commendable person. She is one of the few "out" celebrities. Obviously, the entertainment industry is filled with homosexuals, but far from bursting with pride. Many industry gays are too afraid to be open about their sexuality because it could limit their roles. They feel they will only get cast as the gay character in a feature film, network television show or Top 40 song. Lindsay Lohan has not created a Top 40 hit in ten years and certainly does not care about appearing in films or TV programs. That is why I consider her a hero, as opposed to Falcon Heene's parents, who are obsessesed with appearing on TV so much that they created an elaborate balloon hoax that captured the nation's attention, heart and imagination.

The reason people hate Lindsay is because she is too real, too honest. While your average Joe Sixpack and Jane Redbull feign sobriety in front of friends or co-workers, Lindsay is often black-out drunk or passed out in a stranger's or ex-girlfriend's shrubbery. The reason people are against Lindsay is that she questions their own existence by her truthful actions. If everybody was a truthful actor then Lindsay would be the megastar she is poised to be.

I do think Lindsay Lohan is a talented actress and a truthful actor in the role of life, but I understand why a producer or director would not want her on the set of their movie. She could potentially show up drunk or on drugs and be a disruptance. For now I understand. When Lindsay cleans herself up she is going to be bigger than ten Kathrerine Heigls. We may have to wait a few years, but when it happens we will all be better for having waited. Those who have flayed Lohan for her "immature" and drunken/drugged-out actions will have to silently repent as Lindsay's star soars like a phoenix. While we wait for Lindsay Lohan's acting career to turn around, we can enjoy the perfumes she creates, the clothes she designs and the sidewalks she drunkenly tumbles on.

People sit idly by judging Lindsay while cheering on Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. These young women are liars and crazy. Paris Hilton has no discernible talent, and her album and acting gigs are the proof. Britney Spears is a popular singer-- or at least was seven years ago. It seems like it's been quite a while since she released anything worth noting, yet people still act like she is amazing and an inspiration. She is even treated as a bigger gay icon than Lohan. The only thing Spears has ever inspired me to do is shave my head. Lindsay inspires me to be a better person and to stay inside when I am drunk. Those are the kind of lessons that I will teach my children.

Debate: Lindsay Lohan - Hero or Villain?

By Glenn and Jake 


Normally we stay away from "celebrity news" at One Year in Texas. This is a serious world with serious problems and it seems like a misappropriation of resources to discuss the new Paris Hilton sex tape, what Elisabeth Hasselbeck said on the View or the Gulf oil spill. None of those things have a direct impact on our lives. Rarely, though, there is an issue in the lightweight world of celebrities and fame that raises important philosophical questions. The rise, fall and subsequent rise and fall of Lindsay Lohan's career and persona has raised questions within all of us that we assumed had already been answered with the publication of the Bible. Jake and Glenn this week debate whether this troubled starlet is a hero or a villain, and what that means to modern Christendom.

Jake: Lindsay Lohan is a 23 year old actress with a drug/drinking problem. But we're not here to put her on trial, that's the media's job. Her alleged drinking/drug problem has pushed her to the supposed brink of destruction. Now she's been outfitted with an ankle bracelet that lets the police know when she's drunk. Does this sound like the behavior of a hero? If you have seen the Iron Man movie then you will know that it is. Tony Stark drinks constantly. He has to drown his pain, much like Lindsay Lohan needs to stifle hers. TMZ and similar shows would have you believe that she's in a downward spiral. Are they asking us to believe that such a spiral would last several years? Trent Reznors only lasted barely over an hour. Lindsay Lohan just likes to party, like most 23 year olds. She's a hero because she does what she wants. That's what Lincoln did when he freed the slaves and when he drank that turpentine. Was Lincoln a hero? You better believe it.

Glenn: There are so many things wrong with the proceeding paragraph I would need to spend one night in jail, alone with my thoughts, to truly comprehend the assertions made by Jake about Lindsay Lohan's heroism. First, comparing her to Lincoln is as offensive to me as when the modern Republican party - represented by so many racist troglodytes - reminds people they are the party of Lincoln. They have as much in common as Honest Abe as Lindsay Lohan does to Christy Carlson Romano, a much more talented and virtuous young actress than Lohan. Lindsay has destroyed the lives of everyone around her to the extent that she is able to. At 23, she may like to party but when I was that age I was failing college classes and working at a grocery store. If I was a hero at that point in my life - and the plaque designed and given to me by the Columbia, Missouri Lions Club says that I am - then she, as my opposite, must be a villain.

Jake: Your assumption that she's a villain because you're a hero is as ludicrous as producing major motion pictures based on campy 80s TV programs like The A-Team. You might be a hero, and the scars from the third degree burn you suffered rescuing children from a burning house say you are, but that doesn't inherently make Lindsay a villain. Sure, she's never saved anybody we know about, but she has brought joy to many people's lives. Whether it's from the film Mean Girls or from seeing pictures of her falling into bushes outside Samantha Ronson's house, the smiles on the faces of everybody are her plaque from The Lions Club with 'Hero" written upon it. Instead of pointing fingers at Lindsay and arbitrarily calling her a villain we should support her and tell her how much we love her. I love you, Lindsay! You're a real American hero!

Glenn: It degrades the term "hero" to use it in association with Lindsay. Here are a list of heroes I can think of: the person who called the police on the SUV in the Times Square bombing attempt, the people of United 93 who stormed the plane to take control and the astronauts of the Challenger explosion. What does Lindsay Lohan have in common with any of those things? Would she have called the police because someone left an SUV parked in Times Square? No, she would have been too busy peeing on the sidewalk. She would have distracted those people who stormed the cockpit of Flight 93 with the vulgar display of her vulva. Finally she never would have been allowed on the Challenger because the only thing she can teach is young women how not to deal with fame and wealth. The reason I most consider her a villain is because of this fact: that some young women will see and attempt to emulate her instead of learning from her mistakes. She is a terrible role model for my 10 year old daughter.

Jake: Lindsay not being a role model for ten year olds is a moot point because she's 23! If she was ten and a bad role model, then fine, she's not a hero. She has overcome addiction and become one of the greatest actresses of our generation. Well, maybe she hasn't done that yet, but when she does she's already got a place reserved in my heart and her seat is labeled "hero," much like Spielberg's (Schindler's List) or Schneider's (Big Stan) would be tagged "director." While she is obviously a future hero and Oscar winning actress, she's also currently a hero and MTV Movie Award winning actress. How is she a hero right now? Because she's doing what she wants when she wants. Glenn thinks she's a bad role model because she has had sex with women, which is the same reason he thinks I'm a bad role model. If Lindsay wasn't a hero then why would we be debating it?

Glenn: We debate things insulting to ourselves and our readers all the time. Just last week you proposed we debate whether libraries should be burned to the ground in an effort to strengthen county budgets for the next fiscal year. After I alluded to the plot of Farhenheit 451 you proposed that we debate whether or not that was the actual temperature book pages combusted. I think this is a more legitimate issue because I have heard Lindsay Lohan referred to as a "hero" on numerous celebrity gossip blogs. I am not saying she is the worst person to ever live (at least, not yet) but she is certainly not a hero based on the parameters I have already described. If I woke up tomorrow morning and looked at the newspaper to see Lindsay Lohan had driven her car into a farmer's market in Santa Monica the way that old man George Russell Weller did a few years ago I wouldn't be surprised. Once you've taken a human life it becomes easier to take the next, and the next, and so on. I like my heroines as I like my heroin: pure and untainted by the excess of stardom and poison. Lindsay Lohan, you are a villain.