Dear God

By Jake

Dear God,

By the time you read this you will know that I'm gone. I just couldn't leave you face-to-face. I know what you're thinking, "you can't leave me, I'm everywhere. You just need faith."

Well, I don't have anymore faith in you. That's the problem.

Remember the time I won that award and thanked you? Then I won a game of basketball and thanked you. There were a lot of times where I thanked you, in fact. You didn't even do anything. You were just there. You never once thanked me. Not even when I found you. Never! You didn't even say 'you're welcome.' Very rude, God. Your behavior was boorish.

I'm not saying that there weren't good times. We went to an amusement park and had a great time. I rode all of the rollercoasters, some of the water rides. I stood on that bridge where you get hit with a wall of water. You were all, "I created this." You're always saying you created everything. I believed you. I believed in you.

There was that time with the footprints in the sand, but you were just making your son carry me. That was really weird. Why didn't you just carry me? You're omnipotent, yet you're making your son lug me around when I'm at my lowest. Why can't you be like a normal father and make your son rake leaves, and then yell at him when he's not using your "technique"?

You were always there when I needed you, but sometimes I felt that you were just around. You weren't really willing to do anything. This is when my faith started to loosen its grip.

I got really sick. I thought I was going to die, in fact. Did you bring me any chicken noodle soup (not that I would want any, since I'm a vegetarian, but the thought would have gone a long way)? No, you didn't. You didn't even send me a "Get Well Soon" card or balloons. You were just around. Just hanging around not doing anything.

I lost my car keys and was running late for work. Did you help me find them? No. Again, you were just around. You're always just around. You're "everywhere."

Then I looked around and I didn't see you everywhere. What I saw was misery, decay, death, racial intolerance, strip malls and teenagers. At that moment I realized that you were just a cloak. You were merely putting a sunny disposition on an extremely bleak world. You weren't real to me anymore. You just became an afterthought to me. I saw You for what You are really are, just a fallacy of false hope.

Maybe some day I will be able to come back to you. I doubt it, though. I just feel like I can't believe in you any more and without that our relationship is done. Hoepfully you won't take this too hard.



  1. i love everything about this jake.

  2. uhm...jake ? i kind of, sort of, started seeing God - i hope that's okay. it's nothing serious, we're just friends and all.

    on a lighter note, i do think this article is great :)

  3. This was Extremely Funny. Although the last two paragraphs had me feeling a little sorry for God.

  4. He'll thank you later, for not dumping Him via facebook.

  5. Jake and I both lost our faith in almost the exact same way.

  6. you present a very valid point about car keys. any god i worship should be able to float my keys magically across the room and into my waiting hands. maybe i'll start worshiping that jackalope, i can't really see him ever turning on me.

  7. if it's not already clear, i'm reading every article in the best of section and this is SO GREAT.

  8. Hey I just read this for the first time since I re-re-re-converted back to Christianity and it's really good! I give up again.