Good Morning denizens of the autonomous Okrug of One Year In Texas in the administrative Oblast of Kamchatka. For those of you who aren't Russian political geography fans or Risk nerds, good morning to you as well. It appears I have overslept by a little over one hour, as you all are used to receiving your good mornings at 7AM central standard time. My deepest apologies. I have been working with a life coach to try to become a better person, but I didn't have a lot of money so I had to settle for the guy that hangs out in the self-help section of the public library all day. Turns out he's not as reliable as Susan Powter's eternal quest to defeat mental illness, and he forgot to wake me up in time. When I called him at 7:30 AM at the pay phone down at the library he just yelled at me to not harass him at his place of business.
Today's Quote
"It ain’t men roaming the aisles of the grocery store every week…it’s you... Queen of the Aisle, you just gotta get your royal groove on and realize just how power-filled you are, Ms. C.E.O of the food industry!"
The quote is from Susan Powter's least successful book venture, The Politics of Stupid. In this book she apparently writes a satirical portrayal of some very stupid ideas about politics.
Today's Weather
Unfortunately this forecast of post-Soviet Russia was still made with soviet-era icons resulting in only three variations of weather: sunny, behind where it is cloudy; cloudy with clouds dropping balls of sadness; and cloudy with clouds dropping candy-corn made out of blue cabbage.
Today's Daughter
Is Iris who keeps peering around the corner from the kitchen as I write this to see if I am in bed yet so she can sneak into my bedroom and sleep on the floor. Not gonna happen, sister! (Of course it will).
Today's Religious Festival
Trndez - Armenia
Trndez occurs annually and was originally an Armenian pagan festival celebrating through fire-worship the God Myr, who stood for compassion and love. Today it has been easily incorporated into Christian tradition because of similarities between Jesus' and Myr's teachings and in the burning of heretics.
Today's Prediction
Several of you will go to Armenia hoping to enjoy a good Trndez parade or burning at the stake, and will be disappointed to learn that the celebrations ended a week ago. You will be reassured however when you observe how superior your standard of living is to the majority of Armenians. Then you will become depressed when you realize that none of those material advantages make you happy and you will uproot your family and move to Armenia where you can enjoy the simpler joys in life, like walking through fire and hating Azerbaijanis.
This is very funny. Thanks for taking over GMFOYIT Bub, nobody could bring it to justice like Judge Bub. Verdict: hilarious.
ReplyDeleteAnd with one post Bub has already eclipsed me in quality of Good Morning from OYIT. This is like everything I always wanted to write but didn't because the powers-that-be wouldn't let me.
ReplyDeletethis was fantastic bub! thank you for stepping up to the task of delivering my morning fix (and for returning to oyit).
ReplyDeleteThank you. Glenn I think you meant to say quantity. Beth I did not completely leave, you can still find my sickeningly unfunny Search Referrals series and posts that are OYIT exclusive in content. Also, I am not 'returning' but have struck a bargaining agreement where I will be pitching in on Good Morning one or two times a week, and cross-posting The World Post. This is in exchange for Jake not leaking embarrassing photos of myself, Roland Burris and Luke Perry. I HOPE to see Glenn back at the Good Morning helm very soon.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was wonderful and I was quite happy to see it. Perhaps the day will come when Jake, Glenn, AND Bub can work out a Good Morning schedule and we can be graced with each delight they have to offer us, on separate days.
ReplyDelete