Good Morning from OYIT [Mon Feb 9]

By Glenn

Good morning. I hope everyone had a great weekend. It was unseasonably warm here in Missouri, so I mostly worked out in my garden. In between planting new flowers I tuned into CSPAN to catch debate on the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act aka ARARA aka the "stimulus." It occurred to me after the sixth or seventh procedural amendment that my time in the garden and the Senate's struggle to pass this bill had two similarities. First is that when I plant perennials like daisies or lilacs, I put them in sand instead of dirt. I do this because I don't like the way dirt helps register voters and I want to punish it. In years of drought, I also sometimes withhold water I would give to my younger plants and instead give extra nourishment to those already established. Who knew there were such strong ethical implications to gardening and trying to jump start our ruined economy??

[I did. I knew full well when I began that analogy. I apologize it was so poor, but I've never set foot in a garden or the US Senate.]

Today's Weather

I hope you can read the color scale across the top, but for our 45+ readers let me spell it out: H-O-T. When a country's weather map looks like it's on fire, it probably is:
WHITTLESEA, Australia (AFP) — Troops and firefighters fought raging Australian wildfires on Monday that have left at least 108 people dead amid a landscape of charred bodies, homes and devastated communities.


"What do you say about anyone like that, there are no words to describe it other than mass murder," Rudd said.

"This is of a level of horror that few of us anticipated."
As you read this on Monday morning, the day is already over for those down under. Perhaps the whole country has burned to the ground or perhaps kangaroos have finally risen up to take their rightful place in Australian society, but either way it puts our weather problems in fucking perspective.

Today's Senate Bill
It's still Senate Bill 1, the ARAR Act. It's back again to illustrate "part three" of the legislative process. For those who of you who never took American Government in college, the process by which a bill becomes a law is actually fairly interesting. We all participated in part one, which involved calling our Senators and asking them to vote for the act. Part two happened over the weekend, where each Senator picks his or her absolute favorite part of the bill, and that provision is removed. Once the 100 best parts of a bill are removed, the Senate votes on it. That's what will happen today. The hope among the Obama administration is that once the bill ceases to stimulate anything other than a thoughtful discussion of our broken legislative process, there will be enough Republican support for passage.

Today's Gum (Healthy)
Wrigley's Eclipse (Polar Ice flavor) is today's featured healthy gum. Other gums, like Bubblicious and Big League Chew will be featured in the "Today's Gum (Tasty)" category. I recommend trying out Eclipse Polar Ice today because each piece of gum is made with part of the melting polar ice caps. That extra zing makes this one of the strongest gums on the market. In fact, 4 out of 5 leading dentists recommend chewing one piece after every meal instead of brushing your teeth. Check their website if you don't believe me.

Today's Prediction
The fires of Australia will soon melt away the polar ice caps, and with it Eclipse's domination of the healthy gum market. Orbitz will ascend, just as the Anti-Christ in the book of Revelation.


  1. I knew there was a very good reason never to trust Orbitz.

  2. Melting polar ice caps? Has Eclipse been claimed by the Russians?!

  3. Russians, Heather Joy-- what is this Rocky IV?

    I enjoyed your analogy at the beginning of the article. Very funny.

  4. It will be if you keep challenging me.

  5. It's in between :$ and :'( with :'( being the saddest of all emoticons.

  6. HAHA!

    I like Rocky IV, although it probably is awful. It's where Rocky fights Dolph Lundgren and single-handedly wins the Cold War.

  7. In Rocky IV Apollo Creed (America) dies at the hands of Capt. Ivan Drago (USSR) representing the launch of Sputnik to start the space race. Then Rocky Balboa becomes the embodiment of the America and the hope of President Kennedy. Then there is a montage where Rocky comes out of retirement to train for a boxing match like the Manhattan project scientists came out of retirement to build a space ship. During the epic fight between Rocky and Drago, it looks bad for Rocky at first like when the USSR tried to put nukes in Cuba. Then miraculously, with the power of a Christian nation praying for him, Rocky knocks out Drago and the entire politburo resigns just like they did after we landed on the moon.

    If you don't read all the metaphors into it, it's basically a montage book-ended by two boxing matches.

  8. In Rocky V, Rocky is immediately challenged to fight at his re-retirement press conference upon returning to the US by some Don King look alike. He doesn't accept and then he is evicted because of it and contracts the mental retardation when he takes his kid to school in the ghetto.

    At this point I quit watching the Rocky marathon. Sorry.

  9. I was hoping Nate would chime in. He spent a Saturday night watching all the Rocky movies! That was obviously before speed dating.

  10. Thanks for the OZ Weather Update! I can tell you first hand that kangaroos have started looking down their noses at us humans and people that used to shove them out of the way when they walked down the street are now stepping aside in deference.


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