One Week Entertainment [2-14-09]

By Jake

Today is Valentine's day, and since you're in love with celebrities, I think there's no better way for you to spend your morning than reading about their lives. Enjoy as Michael Phelps gets high, David Beckham gets traded, Kathy Griffin rejoins the cast of Suddenly Susan and Bing Crosby croons to your elderly grandmother. Okay, none of that stuff happens...or does it?

Congratulations to Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy on their engagement. You kids are going to be happy together.

Rihanna has gone from being a pop singer to detective, as she helps a 5 year old fan locate a bone marrow donor. Chris Brown also played Mike Tyson's Punch Out on her face (presumedly).

When you meet on a show like Skating with the Stars (a show that almost sounds like it was made up), you know the marriage will last. Congrats to Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler.

The Nightmare on Elmstreet reboot has its sights set on being released in early 2010. know what.

Jewel, Ty Murray, Denise Richards and Lil' Kim are joining the cast of Dancing with the Stars. I didn't know Lil' Kim was that hard up. It kind of makes me sad.

Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin, welcome a baby boy to this world. Their baby boy, in case that wasn't clear enough.

Jodie Sweetin's drug test is clean!

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are on again.

Kevin James, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and David Spade are in negotiations to star in an untitled comedy about best friends who reunite on 4th of July. With a cast like that this is going to be better than Waterboy and Dickie Roberts combined.

Hollywood is making a sequel to Alvin and the Chipmunks called Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.

KISS's Paul Stanley welcomes a new daughter to this mortal coil. Congrats!

Jennifer Aniston turned 40. Like I fuckin' care.

Mandy Moore is engaged to awful singer (in my opinion) Ryan Adams. Fuck both of you.

Bryan Singer has left Superman for a Logan's Run remake and Warner Bros. have asked the Wachowski Brothers to reboot Superman with a trilogy. This could work. You can reboot a comic movie without pissing me off.

British Royal Opera is putting on a production about the late Anna Nicole Smith. Now this is the kind of news I've been dying to hear. This is just ridiculous enough to work.

Grammy winner Carrie Underword is anti-Valentine's Day.


  1. Carrie Underwood is such a naive and selfish little bitch. (j/k i don't even know the whore)

  2. Ryan Adams is one of the best singers and songwriters of the last ten years.

  3. Alvin and the Chipmunks was one of the best movies of the last 10 years.