One Week in Entertainment [4-17-09]

By Kaleena

If you love to delve into the lives of those who make more money than any of us (unless your family is super-rich), you have come to the right place. I hope I can awe and inspire you with some fascinating life stories of others. Take a lesson or learn how envy can feed the drive to self-expansion. Any way you look at it, it's another week in entertainment.

  • People magazine released a story about Scott Peterson's life on death-row which stated that he has a picture of himself and his posthumous wife, Laci, together on his cell wall. Just goes to show you can love the ones you murder. It's just not the greatest way to show it.

  • Joel Madden confessed on Twitter that the reason he loves Nicole Richie so much is because of the picture of her four-year-old self in which, he says, she resembles Ron Perlman circa Beauty and the Beast. If that's not love, then I don't want to know what is.

  • America's Next Top Model auditions went smoothly the second time around in NYC. Oh thank God for that!

  • Woody Harrelson explained that the reason he attacked a paparazzo at NY's LaGuardia Airport was because he literally, and I do mean literally, mistook the camera-wielding asshole for an actual zombie. Thank god he had his daughter with him to talk him down and assure him that along with vampires,werewolves and ghosts, zombies are not in fact real. His daughter is 4.

  • Lindsay and Sam are still talking despite their heart-breaking split. Lindsay, in case you happen to read this (yes that's a joke), do you realize you quite possibly could be banging Benicio Del Torro? I mean come on. If you're gay, fine but is she really worth all this? Get back to rehab and think it over.

  • Singer Cassie presented a new and quite bold look for any woman out there. She shaved half of her head. Hot or not? Hot! Though....that gorgeous hair. All that beautiful hair. Meh, it'll grow back - I say go all the way!

  • Torri Spelling says despite her new tooth-pick like appearance she's definitely not anorexic. "If I choose not to eat then that's my own damn business, but I am not anorexic." she was sort of quoted as saying. Not so much quoted as I am guessing that she might not totally understand what anorexia is because a lot of celebrities seem not to.

  • American Captain Richard P. Phillips was released back to the safety of open U.S. arms from Somali pirates. I guess the crazy escape attempt gained more respect from the pirates then previously thought - by me.

  • Padma Lakshi just can't stop talking about how easy it was to pose nude because she's so hot and she's always naked anyway. Guess who is over it? Probably everyone because who in the hell knows who Padma Lakshi is anyway? If you do, please don't respond to this.

  • Mel Gibson's wife filed for divorce. Sorry Mel, but let this be a lesson to you about denying the holocaust. It's just not attractive.

  • Dog Whisperer to Obama: "Be the pack leader."
    Obama to Dog Whisperer: "Get a real fucking job."

  • Scarlett Johansson says she doesn't have to work extra hard to get fit for her newest villianess role in Iron Man 2. Yeah, well....shut-up Scarlett.

  • Kendra Wilkinson says doing her taxes all by herself makes her feel "the smartest I've ever been!" This has been quite a year for Kendra. First she learns what stamps are for now her own taxes? You're on a roll girl!

  • Jamie Foxx said Miley Cyrus needs gum-implants and heroin. Hey Jamie, how's that career that's not moving really anywhere? He later apologized saying he was just "having fun." Still - you suck.

  • Shia LaBeouf may not regain total use of his injured hand. Did you know beef in French is beouf? Hmm.

  • Jennifer Love Hewitt loves geeks. This is the third week this story has been run on

  • Micheal Jackson has yet again halted auctioning off his Neverland Ranch. Apparently everything had to stop when he fell on the floor, kicking and screaming "You're not the boss of me! It's mine! I hate you! I hate you!" He ended the tantrum by holding his breath until he passed out and everyone just decided they'd had enough.

  • One of the Kardashian's is going to get plastic surgery. Who will it be? Who the hell cares! As soon as I know, you'll know - probably a week after it's already happened.

  • Slumdog producer's donated $740,000 to a children organization located in the Mumbai,India slums. Ever notice how beautiful impoverished Indian children look? It never ceases to amaze me. Not to say other impoverished children don't look beautiful, it just happens I'm talking about India right now.

  • Ryan Seacrest finally has a girlfriend. She's a bartender which helps on her part. Would you soberly date Ryan Seacrest? Well - I wouldn't.

    Oh, I hate to see you pout, but that's all I've got for this week. Don't worry, only 7 more days until the next one. Just sleep it off.


    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Kal, your OWIEs are just as, if not more, delightful than watching Chelsea Lately. In fact, I'm no longer worried about losing her when I cancel my cable, because each week I still have you.

      You're right, I have no f'in clue who Padma Lawhatsawhosit is.

      Also, I first wrote a really long post defending Sam's involvement in the breakup and how Lindsey was always the bitch starting the fights, but then I was embarrassed that I even held an opinion about the subject. But mostly I just typed "not" instead of "no" and I couldn't live with myself.

    3. no worries. i think we all wanted to root for Sam at first but really: crazy bitch + crazy bitch = a terrible equation that could destroy the world or at least really annoy it to death.

    4. i loled several times in this.

    5. Good job, Kal. This is my favorite OWiE you've done thus far.

      Jaime Foxx has an Oscar so he gets to pick his projects. He's going to be in the new movie by the director of Friday, Set it Off and the Negotiator. Can't say that I'm looking forward to that one.

    6. yeah - i didn't really think his career was veering anytime soon. i just think what he said was mean and he's not too pretty anyway.