Jake on Movies (6-18-10)

By Jake 

Another week of highly original summer offerings from Tinseltown is upon us. These movies are not even close to being as mind-boggling terrible as last week's (A-Team and The Karate Kid). They are still pretty lame. This is the worst summer for movies.

Jonah Hex

Jonah Hex is a comic book cowboy with a messed up face. That's all I know about this movie, and I have absolutely no interest in seeing it. However, I would really love to read the comics. I wonder if he knows magic, and with the last name "Hex" he better. At least there will be no mechanical spiders in this movie, being replaced by Megan Fox. I would rather see the mechanical spiders.

Toy Story 3

Are you going to see Toy Story 3? If you are, why? I love Toy Story and its sequel, but don't you think paying $20 for a movie is a bit steep? Roger Ebert gave this flick three stars, which I think might be considered disappointing. Did Toy Story really need to be a trilogy?

Again, I cannot stand the unoriginality of Hollywood, but I blame you, the movie-going public. You folks are the ones paying to see this shit, and that is why they continue to make these sequels and based-off-of movies. Save your money or sign up for Netflix and rent something worth seeing.

We all hate remakes, reboots and sequels, yet people keep shelling out their cash to witness these over-priced, way-too-high-of-budgeted disasters. What movie has been worth $15 for one viewing? You can buy Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too on DVD together for $5, not that I'm necessarily recommending that. I just do not understand you people. You do not need to take your children to a movie. Take them to a park or give them a cardboard box and they will be content. Stop paying to see these shitty movies. Please.


  1. I kinda want to support Megan fox. I don't think she is pretty, but i do think that she could probably take angelina's place as lesbian idol. Why not?

  2. ebert's review of toy story 3 was still good. and it has a 100% rating on rottentomato after 125 reviews. that's something! i probably still won't see it, but i'd like to.

  3. I love this so much. Jake says everything I feel deep down but can never say because I watch EVERY sequel, remake and movie version of something I liked "when I was a kid."

  4. I'd like to see Toy Story 3 as well. I love the first two. There's just no fucking way I'd pay to see it in the theater even if I had the money. I don't want to support a creatively bankrupt film industry, Disney or 3D in any way.

  5. I'm going to see Jonah Hex because of the horse-mounted, double Gatling gun.

  6. Haha, I love it when Jake gives parenting advice! I think this should be a recurring series.

  7. Daniel Songer is one of the voices in TS3?

  8. Megan Fox has toe thumbs. That's not good enough to take Angelina's place.


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