God's Country

By Jake 

America is the blessed nation where so many of us live. Unlike every other country on this planet, The USA is God's country. What exactly does this mean? Well, it simply means that God loves this country more than any other country, even Uzbekistan.

A little back story: God is the creator of the universe and even made us (in his own image, no less)!

How do we know that God loves The United States? It basically says so in The Bible. For those of you who do not live in America, The Bible is a book that is the word of God transcribed by a few folks from about a million years ago. It says things about not killing or stealing and how the creation of the world only took a few days. It's a pretty decent book...actually it's good--they call it "the good book." Some day I will probably get around to reading it. For now, I have plenty of Christian blogs to study.

I am glad that God created the universe and made America, then subsequently blessed it. If America was not blessed then we would probably face day-to-day tragedy and have our country overrun by "thugs" and other criminal types. If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that God did not create thugs. As far as I know, there is not even anything in The Bible about him creating them. I think he might have even killed a few.

So what are the benefits of being blessed by God? Well, how about everything! Whenever something positive happens to you, it is like a little present from God--and who gives better presents than God? (Nobody.)

So remember this when you are about to pledge your allegiance to China or take the lord's name in vain, which is the worst thing you can do. I mean, it is the first commandment. Not killing is the fifth, so saying "God damn it" or yelling "Jesus Christ" when you glue your fingers together while working on a model of the Washington Monument is five times worse than murder. So do not take the lord's name in vain and live in the United States of America--the greatest country in the world--and you will be cool with God and when you die, you will live in Heaven. (Heaven is the best place you could ever live. It is better than a Holiday Inn or even a Marriot.)


  1. I would say that Samson was probably a thug to some people, but he was God's thug, so that's ok. But then he slept with that woman, got a hair cut, and toppled a palace killing lots of people. I dunno. Sometimes the Bible is so contradictory.

  2. First of all, Thugs are overrunning this country. Look at the White House. It's like Al Capone and his chicago mafia all over again. But, if you get around to reading revelations sometime, you will learn that actually what is happening is the end-time. Revelations clearly says that a Muslim will be a President and he will be of dark skin...and this President will turn into the anti-christ. It is clear that we are living in the end of times if you just read the Bible.

    Make sure you keep the Bible in a safe spot too. I keep my Bible tucked under a pillow next to my gun and a list of abortion doctors and mosque locations.

    In case you were wondering, my loving God will save me and take me up in the rapture, while he lovingly sends a plague of locusts upon Earth, causes disease and destruction, and makes you form boils on your body. If you want to be saved from this, vote for a Republican next time for President.

  3. Good point, Jake. Satan's plan already unfolding before our eyes. Did you hear they are building a Mosque on hallowed ground in New York? The devil is clearly loving this.

  4. but is heaven better than a double tree inn?? they give you free cookies!

  5. This has made me happier than I've been for a few months. Brilliant

  6. If you read Revelation, you would know that Obama is the false prophet, not the Anti-Christ. Jeez. It's like you people have never read a Bible.

  7. I'm so lucky to be from God's country!

  8. I don't live in God's country. I live in the commie, muslim lovin' country to the north. Is there any way that I can live in God's country?

    p.s. I went to Sunday school as a child but nobody ever told us about God. We just had story time.


no more comments from spam bots. fuck off.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.