Meditation on the First All Dogs Go to Heaven

By Jake 

Disney released the animate feature film "All Dogs Go to Heaven" in 1989. The title and premise of the film clearly states that if a dog dies the soul will naturally be elevated to heaven. We should think about what every dog automatically going to heaven means to us, the writers and readers of the humorous essay website One Year in Texas.

If a dog is bad it goes to heaven. Therefore, even the dog that convinced Sam Berkowitz to kill all of those people is enjoying his afterlife in the eternal paradise that is heaven. Is this your idea of heaven? Do you want to share the neverending bliss with serial killing dogs, but not mass murdering humans? Or would you rather not have either in heaven? Why do dogs inherently go to heaven?

In the film version of "All Dogs Go to Heaven" there are dogs that are villains. What happens when our protagonists meet up with them in heaven? Do they get along because they are in heaven or do they continue their fight? Is there a hell? If there is, is there a strict "no pets" policy? Is Satan allergic to dogs?

Some people have allergies to dogs, do these allergies persist in heaven? Can souls sneeze? Does a soul even have a nose? If everything in the afterlife is a singularity are we all dogs? I do not want to answer these questions; if I was forced to, I would answer yes to every one of them.

Everything is made of the same essential particle, as we know from past reading. Philosophers refer to this as the "god particle" or "monad." We build massive supercolliders to prove its existense. So my question is this: how come cats do not go to heaven? If everything is made from an ultimate particle or molecule, why are dogs better than cats? Obviously, loyalty factors into the equation on the mortal plane, but why should that matter in the afterlife?


  1. there are two ways of i would respond to the question: 'how come cats do not go to heaven?' 1. that this question is simply a part of an epistemological struggle: we do not know if cats go to heaven or if they do not; what we are safe to assume from the title of this flick is that all dogs go to heaven. although, taking into consideration that we are part of one substance, monads reflecting the universe and unfolding correspondingly with 'God's' pre-established harmony, it would follow that all cats go to heaven. this leads me to the conclusion that including "& Cats" in the title of the movie or even suggesting so within the plot line wouldn't maximize market-driven sales, thus cats were omitted, which further indicates that more people with more disposable income more often have dogs than cats. 2. that we live in 'the best of all possible worlds' and in order to maximize the amount of good or benefit in the world, cats didn't make the cut to go to heaven, one of many injustices in the world, along with slavery, genocide, and violations of the ADA.

  2. Haha, you should have written this article!



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