We have all seen them before: transcripts of 911 phone calls that are not necessarily warranted. How many times have we heard a woman calling into to report Burger King for not selling her a Whopper. We’ve all been there, but not all of us have the knee-jerk reaction of calling an emergency number. Here is a transcript of a recent 911 call transcript released by [insert local media] that should serve as a model for how a genuine emergency call should proceed.
911 Operator: Hello, you’ve called 911 Emergency Services. Your emergency is very important to us. Please remain alive and listen closely to the following instructions:
Press 1 for English
Press 2 for Spanish
Press 3 for Latin
Caller: I’ve been murdered! I’m calling from beyond the grave!!
911 Operator: Hello, you’ve called 911 Emergency Services. Your emergency is very important to us. Please remain alive and listen closely to the following instructions:
Press 1 for English
Press 2 for Spanish
Press 3 for Latin
Caller: (Presses 1)
911 Operator: Please state your name, type of emergency, and preference of sweepstakes prize.
Caller: Forrest. Murder. And gas-fired grill.
911 Operator: Terrific! Now picture yourself grilling on your brand new gas-fired grill on a serene camping plot at the beautiful Sunshine Hills camping resort. We know you wouldn’t, but if you had to put a price tag on your family’s happiness would it be $3,000 or $5,000?
Caller: I have been MURDERED! I am a GHOST and I am calling from BEYOND THE GRAVE!! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?!
911 Operator: OK, OK, I see that you drive a hard bargain. For $2,000 I can get you a camping plot on the back forty, but it won’t have a water hookup.
Caller: I’ve been MURDERED and I am calling to REPORT MY MURDERER!!
911 Operator: Listen, I have a dozen more appointments today, people driving in from as far away as Wisconsin to take a look at these lots. If you are just going to waste my time we can go get your gas-fired grill right now and send you on your way. I’ve got a family to support.
Caller: I’ve been MURDERED! PLEASE, tell my family that I LOVE THEM!!
911 Operator: Are you serious? You know what, just get out. Thanks for wasting my time pal...
Caller: WAIT!!!!!!
911 Operator: What?
Caller: I’VE BEEN MURDERED!!!!!
911 Operator: (Hangs up).
Caller: (Calls back).
911 Operator: Hello, you’ve called 911 Emergency Services. Your emergency is very important to us. Please remain alive and listen closely to the following instructions:
Press 1 for English
Press 2 for Spanish
Press 3 for Latin
Caller: Hey there, I’m just looking to purchase a camping lot.
911 Operator: Well sir, you’ve come to the right place!
911 Operator: (Hangs up).
911 operators always just hang up when murder is being committed. It's really a bad service and it's the last place I would call if I had an emergency.
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