Debate: Is it Acceptable to Burn the Qur'an?

By Jake and Glenn 

Deciding whether to burn the Qur’an is timeless yet timely, as it has recently been in the news. Last year, true Christian Terry Jones threatened to burn Qur’ans and recently made good on his promise (like Christ before him). This allegedly led to violent riots in Afghanistan and even less violent riots at the Bright Eyes concert in Kansas City. Is it okay to burn the Qur’an? Who would want to? Does motive matter? All of these answers can be found in the Qur’an itself, but no one can speak Arabic so we are forced to have this debate.

Jake: I believe that, as Americans, we can do whatever we want short of rape, murder and jay walking. The Qur’an is merely a book, much like The Cat in the Hat and Magic Eye, Vol. 2. You can burn those books for children, so why would it be wrong to burn the holy Qur’an? It is nothing but ink on paper. It’s not even octopus ink! Just regular ink that you would find in a pen or in the tattoos covering a person with low self-esteem. Books are not meant to be burned, but I do not technically see why you should not burn them, if you are so inclined. Some people might take a book seriously, but those people need to lighten up. Until it gets out of hand and turns into Fahrenheit 451, I think we can burn a book here and there. It is a good way to incite groups of people you do not like.

Glenn: How dare you quom’pare the Qur’an to Magic Eye Volumes 1 or 2. I could accept the comparison to Volume 3, however, due to its graphic depictions of the Battle of Badr. It’s hard to make the argument one should never burn a book, especially when you think about how flammable they are, but I think we should place the Qur’an in a special category. It is after all presumably the word of Allah revealed to Muhammad over the course of twenty-three years. That is longer than it took David Foster Wallace to write Infinite Jest, a book we should be much more willing to burn. Let’s burn Infinite Jest and leave a holy book like the Qur’an alone!

Jake: Your ‘burn one book, but not the other’ attitude has made me lose the little amount of respect I had for you since you asked me to find a link to a Killers album earlier today. Books are meant to be read, not burned, sure, but why not burn them? There really is only one good reason: I have not read it yet. Once you read a book you should set it ablaze, as you would with a tattered American flag. It is simply the right thing to do. It also encourages the citizens of this country to buy new books instead of heading to the Goodwill or local used book store to buy yellow-paged novels. Let us revitalize the economy by burning books, starting with the Qur’an and ending with Garfield: Fat Cat Volume 1. We need laughter, and only Garfield can truly deliver.

Glenn: While you were wasting $50 on the “Wrestlemania” pay per view Sunday night I was memorizing the Qur’anic book of At-Tariq. To quote a verse from that book “So allow time for the disbelievers. Leave them awhile.” This is why I am taking such a casual tone in this debate, because the Q also states there shall be no compulsion in religion and I bring that to all aspects of my life. I support burning an American flag and many of the pro-Qur’an rallies end up immolating many symbols of the US, such as a $100 bill or a Bright Eyes LP. Would my infidel opponent argue for burning a lost JD Salinger manuscript or the last known picture of Jim Morrison? Great things of beauty should never be burned, especially when you know someone is going to kill you for doing it.

Jake: If everybody who burned a Qur’an was a murder victim, then only murder victims would burn the Qur’an. The only way to show pro-Qur’an extremists that the Qur’an is merely a book is to burn it like you would any other. They will only hold it in high regard until they realize that it is as trivial and well-written as a The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I would not only say it is acceptable to burn the Qur’an, but it is your duty, as an anti-Muslim American, to burn it. If a Muslim kills you, then your point about them has been made in spades and you are the true winner.

Glenn: Only if you are burning a Qur’an to prove that people don’t like Qur’ans to be burned. This is similar logic to Bernie Goetz going onto the NYC subway with a loaded gun, waiting for the first black teenager to talk to him. Once one asked him for money, he killed him and his friends saying “See? I was right to be armed and ready to shoot.” I know that if I walk outside right now and light my Qur’an on fire, a passionate Muslim will fire three bullets into me, representing the Holy Trinity of Allah, Muhammad and Sayyid Qutb. Two wrongs, in this case, actually make a right, such as the right to free speech that we cherish until we’re dumb enough to use it. I’m not dumb enough to exercise my right to burn the Qur’an and I hope, Insha'Allah, none of you will either.


  1. This is very funny! Much funnier than when murderers murdered UN workers in Afghanistan because some people did something completely unrelated on the other side of the world!!

  2. Next week begins Library Week so maybe the only rightful follow-up should be Book Burning Week, if we're aiming for fair.

  3. This debate is genius - beyond quom'pare!

  4. Jake ended up burning a Qur'an to celebrate his wedding - NOW SOMEONE GO KILL HIM!

  5. This is still funny and no one has found it and issued a Fatwa against us.

  6. This is even funnier now that President Obama has ordered all copies of the Qur'an confiscated and destroyed.

  7. This is a little less funny now that we found out Joe Biden is a Muslim and we're living under Sharia.

  8. This is the least funny of all given the very real concerns republicans have raised over the Bowie Bergadli prisoner exchange.


no more comments from spam bots. fuck off.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.