Planning the Perfect 4/20

This post originally appeared on April, 20th 2009. Jake has since refused to write a new 4/20 piece until the detention center on Guantanamo Bay is shut down, and the television show Running Wilde is brought back on air.

By Jake

Not only is April 20th the anniversary of the Columbine massacre and Hitler's birth date, it is also widely regarded by stoners as the day to get high. Actually, every day is considered to be the day to get high for a stoner, but somehow April 20th is justifiable. Who am I to argue?

What is so special about 4/20 you might be asking the computer, which probably indicates that you're puffing trees (rapper slang for smoking a reefer cigarette). Well, according to Wikipedia:

One explanation of the origin of the term stems from a story about a group of teenagers at San Rafael High School in San Rafael, California, United States in 1971. The teens would meet after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke marijuana at the Louis Pasteur statue. The exact time was chosen because that was the time that afternoon detention was dismissed.

For stoners, 4/20 is like Christmas, but instead of getting presents you get high and watch Duck Tales and eat mashed up Zebra Cakes on top of ice cream. That's an example, and what I do when I get high. In fact, I'm not running stoners down. I actually have a tattoo of Jon Arbuckle smoking a joint:

I feel like I can help you celebrate the perfect 4/20/09 and all it will take is a little planning, so put down that spliff and pick up a piece of paper and a sharp number 2. Now is not the time to zone out and forget about everything, that part comes later.

I gather that you're old enough to get pot on your own. If I'm wrong about this, then leave a comment and I can walk you through the steps, but I'm not about to waste my time explaining it in this article.

First you're going to need some good music to listen to. This is up to your own personal taste, but may I make some suggestions? Reggae is perfect for all occasions, and especially the occasion where you're so high your vision is blurry and your mouth is so dry you're spitting sand. Trojan Records puts out many great reggae box sets, with my personal favorites being Ganja Reggae (very apropos) and Reggae Beatles Tribute. If you don't like reggae, then you could always make a great marijuana mix. There are many great hip hop songs about smoking weed. A few choice examples are:
  • 8ball and E.D.I. - Blow it Out
  • DJ Paul - Twist it Hit it Light it
  • Bone Thugs & Harmony - Weed Song
  • Gang Starr - Take Two and Pass
  • Khia - I've Been High
  • Killer Mike ft. Big Boi - My Chrome
  • Ludacris - Blueberry Yum Yum
  • Mad Lion - Big Box of Blunts

    Next you're going to want to pick out some movies and tv shows to watch before you get high. This is very important to do first. Sometimes it would take me an hour to pick out a movie, it's just not worth the effort at that point, you might as well just be watching Winamp visualizations. The best movies to watch are either comedies or action movies. A great weed comedy is Smiley Face starring Anna Ferris, it's a very underrated movie by Greg Araki (Doom Generation). One time I got high and watched The Adventures of Pluto Nash, which could be an anti-pot commercial.

    Another thing you might consider is games (video or board, perhaps even card). I love playing games when high. If you have video games, then you can play those. If you are one of those people who doesn't have a video game system, then you can play board games with your friends. Most games are fine, but I suggest you stay away from Scrabble. Maybe it's just me, but I have a hell of a time playing this word game in such times. Uno is a great game, why not play some Uno?

    You're going to need a lot of food. Some jerk stoners will tell you that they don't get the munchies when they smoke and call you an "amateur" if you do. These people are liars and assholes. Seriously fuck them. Go to the supermarket and buy some chips, nuts, candy, cereal, whatever you like. There is no need to spend a ton of money going to the local Jack in the Box or TCBY when you can buy food that won't turn your insides into molten lava or make you vomit crow's feathers. Make sure to drink a lot of water so you don't get dehydrated and paranoid, it can help.

    There are tons of activities you can do on 4/20. Some people like to play hackey sack. I'm not really into that, but I'm not going to stop you. I just suck at it. You can finger paint, freestyle rap, make a collage for your bff (best friend forever), play tee ball...your imagination is your only hindrance, that and the weed you'll be smoking.

    You probably have what it takes to have a proper April 20th full of getting high now, so go and have a ball.


    1. I tell everyone I meet about your idiotic tattoo!!

    2. I am not a fan of this article. My tattoo is really stupid, though!

    3. This is my first visit to your website, curious to learn where all the FB post I read are coming from, and would like to say, "That is one of the most dope tats ever, and that I also protest the cancellation of Running Wilde."