By Glenn and Clay
Upon hearing the news of the Casey Anthony verdict, the ghost of Osama bin Laden remarked, "Is there no justice for Caylee?"
In 2006, twelve Floridians walked out of a viewing of An Inconvenient Truth saying it was preposterous. Five years later they all ended up serving jury duty on the Casey Anthony trial.
Casey Anthony, LeBron James and Charlie Crist walk into a bar in Florida. Charlie Crist says, "At one point I was so unpopular that I was forced out of my party and lost an election due to hordes of angry voters in tri-corner hats."
LeBron James says, "Oh yeah? Well I was so unpopular that the people of Cleveland expressed their feelings of betrayal by burning my effigy in the streets."
Casey Anthony then says, "You guys got nothing. I'm so unpopular, that for the last three years nobody has asked me to come out and party with them. Not even once!"
Do you think that if the Supreme Court of the United States allowed cameras in their court room that they could get Kim Kardashian to tweet in all caps about campaign finance reform?
Nancy Grace’s producer (bursting into NG’s office nearly out of breath): Nancy, your Casey Anthony rant ratings are through the roof! I’ve thrown together a preliminary pitch for a “Judge Nancy Grace” program. What do you think?
Nancy Grace (contemplatively staring out her office window, slowly turns to face her producer): No, that’s not going to happen. I’m through with television. Get me an Orlando real estate agent on the phone. I’ve got a prosecuting attorney race to win.
So the porn industry has retracted their various offers to put Casey Anthony in a starring role. Most people assume it’s because she’s become such a pariah. I think it’s because after the jury’s decision, they realized they wouldn’t be able to write a scene where 12 people fuck Casey Anthony.
You know how I know people today are lazy? Because when the innocent verdict came down nobody did anything about it. They just tweeted angrily about lynching Casey Anthony and never actually got off their asses; got their torches, rope, and pitch forks; and formed a mob! That's what happens when you expect the government to handout justice.
What’s the difference between Casey Anthony and Frankenstein’s Monster?
Frankenstein’s monster didn’t throw that little girl in a lake - and was also created by lightning.
When the Casey Anthony trial verdict was announced, Marcia Clark updated her to Facebook status to say “See? Not so easy to convict a murderer in a court of law!” and the joined the “Casey Anthony Will Rot in Hell” group.
Casey Anthony who?
I DON’T KNOW! THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN ASKING MYSELF THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME! GET OFF MY TEEVEE!!!!!!!!
“Casey Anthony partied while her baby rotted in the woods” should be the new “Nero fiddled while Rome burned.”
Posted on the Reader’s Digest message board this week: “Caylee Anthony and Connor Peterson together in heaven now. Laci Peterson is waiting for Casey to join her in hell.”
Juror 1: Knock Knock.
Juror 2: Who’s There?
Juror 1: Orange.
Juror 2: Orange Who?
Juror 1: Orange you glad we voted to acquit Casey Anthony?
Lawmakers around the country are introducing legislation titled “Caylee’s Law” which will reverse a jury’s innocent verdict to guilty if, AND ONLY IF, a “celebrity jury” comprised of Nancy Grace, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Kim Kardashian, Joy Behar, Star Jones, Ricki Lake, Jason Biggs, Sharon Osbourne, Julie Chen, Mandy Moore, and Carson Daly express unified disagreement with the verdict via Twitter.