By Ali
It’s
a beautiful day, to talk about myself! As I go on-and on about the time
in a college course, and a girl sitting behind me refuses to let me
contribute to discussions without her having a couple cents, amounting
to seventeen dollars and some change, of self recognition, you roll your
eyes thinking, “why did I ask her to be my friend...”
You
see, the thing is, I love that Nirvana song, when Curt warbles “I love
myself better than you.” I always think, if you met me, you would love
me equally, or more than I love myself at that moment, but as soon as
you leave my presence, I love myself while thinking about how impressive
I was to your life. What a blessing it is to be me. The phonies hate
those who got it all figured out, with an impressive resume loaded with
great references of those who liked me, because I loved myself so much
at all the various volunteer locations.
Because,
y’all, money isn’t everything. I once saw a man with no teeth and a
couple metal detectors looking for change at an abandoned playground.
Upon meeting him, I started to explain my goal of assessing the
playground for a Facility Management Course, and he swiftly responded
via hand gestures, No ears, No mouth. He was clearly more insane than I
am, and I marveled at that fact. How did he get so many metal
detectors? Could I buy one from him for 5 bucks? I bet I could make a
better turn out than he could. Most impressive, he had a jar filled with
Windex, sanitizing his found treasures. I smiled for a goodbye, and
loved myself for doing it.
I
recently saw a two dollar bill, and my friend was trying to find the
spider in the web, like it is on the dollar bill as well, and I just let
him sit there staring at currency thinking, “my goodness, I need so
much more than this in my day.” His reality was really bumming me out.
Self
respect is a necessary aspect to any job. As I am currently a waitress,
I get a lot of guff from weirdos trying to disrespect me and my
temporary daily chores while working like a dog. If you feel the need
to tell me, “We’re going to throw away four pizzas when we get home” and
I say, Whaaaat? How could you? And you respond,”oh nothing you don’t
get it at all”, and your pink-ball cap wearing wife throws her head back
and laughs like a jackal. That’s cool dude, but you forgot one thing, I
don’t give a shit if you drive a Lexus because I knew a guy who threw a
cup of urine through a Lexus’ sunroof at the mall, and I hope it was
yours.
Overall,
I think you get my point. If not, I will spoon feed it to you. My
world is better when you talk about your stuff because your eye contact
reminds me that I am being given attention. I wonder where I put my
iPod so I can upload all of my songs onto my iphone.
I, I, I ,I, I, You? Wait…me me me me me me me me me me. Yes. I did.
Remember when we were by the river, and i asked the bikers, "you ride'n Ragbrai?" and jake was like, "i don't even know what that is."
ReplyDeleteI remember it!
ReplyDeleteI love the question "How did he get so many metal detectors?"! I'm going to try to use that as a rhetorical answer to future unanswerable question! Q - What happened before the big bang? A - How did that crazy guy get so many metal detectors!? Q-Who killed Nicole Brown Simpson? A-How did ...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.facebook.com/#!/ali.domino.9
ReplyDeletewow, i just found this girl on YouTube, i wonder if it's the same one who wrote this article!? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRNH8C0HUYo&feature=plcp
ReplyDelete