Debate: Violence Against Women

By Glenn and Jake

Recently a viral video ripped through the internet like Hulk Hogan’s hands into his own tank top.  In this video two people of an unknown race were arguing about an important issue, perhaps the upcoming presidential election.  The younger female person was adamantly shouting to another older male who was driving a bus.  Eventually the man stopped the bus and delivered to her what can only be describe as an “earth shattering uppercut.”  Communities all over America and the unrecognized Republic of Kurdistan have been fiercely debating whether he was right to hit her, and if it is ever okay for a man to hit a woman.  Today Jake and Glenn, both passengers on that bus,  jump in with rhetorical uppercuts of their own.

Glenn: It is mostly wrong, but it is not ALWAYS wrong.  I have a list I’ve been compiling for fifteen years, since the first time a girl “beat me up,” filled with instances when it is okay to hit a woman.  The first and most important is in self defense.  Women are prone to irrational fits of anger and violence just like men.  If a woman comes at you with a weapon, such as a rolling pin or katana sword, it is perfectly okay to defend yourself by punching her as hard as possible in her chest.  What if a woman is attempting to kill her own child, such as the famous case of Susan Smith?  Certainly it would be okay to grab her and pull her out of the drivers seat before she drove the van into the river.  Wouldn’t it?

Jake: It is never okay to hit a woman.  The famous video of a busdriver uppercutting a woman made me throw up, both my lunch of spoiled caviar and my arms in disgust.  Women are feeble creatures that deserve our pity, not our fists full of rage.  If a woman comes at your with a katana, you should just passively dodge it and delicately disarm her before giving her a good dressing down with words.  “That is not an okay thing to do, missy,” will go a far longer way than chopping her across the chest like Chris Benoit did to his wife Nancy when murdering her.  Women are defenseless and weak, it is wrong for a big, strong man to use violence against one.  It is like crushing a spider under your size 13, steel-toed boot.  It is unfair and extreme.

Glenn:  I have not seen such an outrageous tongue lashing towards women since the debate where Mitt Romney calmly made the case for sex-based affirmative action.  Women are certainly not defenseless and for every Chris Benoit case of violence against women you can cite, I can cite a the famous Beulah Mcgillicutty vs. Bill Alfonso ECW bloodbath.  Let me clarify my position again: self defense or to prevent harm to others = might be okay.  As a way to act out your sexual repression = NEVER okay.  If two men are arguing in a Hookah lounge about the ending of Dark Knight Rises and one strikes another, that is not okay.  That violence is not justified.  If one of those men undergoes gender reassignment, fully transitioning to a woman, and they revisit the argument a few years later, the violent act is still wrong.  But if the M2F citizen decides to bust out an exacto knife and stab her opponent in the chest (like Marion Cotillard’s character does to Batman), a violent act against her is more than justified.

Jake: You can justify violence toward women all you want, but it does not make it “okay.”  The only time it would be justified to use violence against a woman is in an S&M situation, where the woman gets sexually pleasure from being whipped, choked, tied up and gangbanged.  Otherwise, there is never an acceptable situation to hurt one of God’s lesser creatures.  Are women weak?  We both can agree that they are.  The only woman I’ve ever known to not be weak is the professional wrestler/adult actress Chyna, but emotionally she is the weakest of all.  This is why she make a living by having sex with a Mean Gene Okerlund double on film.  If a woman could take care of herself, then they wouldn’t have to be escorted by a man on their way home from a college beer bash to avoid getting raped.  Men are predators and women are the prey.  Hollywood turned this concept on its ear with the hit film “Predator.”  

Glenn:  I was home schooled, ironically, by a rotating crew of public school teachers held prisoners by my parents.  Therefore I never studied biology, but I have read specific rants on Men’s Rights message boards about how the average man is stronger physically than the average woman.  The teen girl in the bus driving instructional video never actually hit the driver, though she may have spit on him.  Spitting is not an offense that justifies violence.  If women soldiers were killing thousands of civilizations in Srebrenica then of course you would want to punch, shoot or kill them.  Female militants were part of the crew who took over the Belsan school in Russia eight years ago.  No one argued that the FSB soldiers who stormed that school were wrong, even as they killed many hostages indiscriminately at the same time as they shot and killed the militants.  I guess that’s what I’m trying to say during this whole debate: hitting women is wrong, unless they are dressed in a full burkha and wearing explosives.

Jake: Hitting a woman is never right.  Shooting them is only right if they cheat on you.  Choking a woman is only acceptable if it is in a bondage situation or she has specifically requested you do so.  If a woman asks you to hit her, then I guess that’s okay.  If one of your male friends asks you to punch them in the stomach, you would oblige.  It may save their life, as it could be an indicator of stomach cancer, if there is an immense pain.  A woman is most likely not going to ask you to punch them in the stomach as hard as you can.  Probably not even as light as you can.  Women and men have differently wired brains and bodies.  I’m not trying to be sexist when I say that women should stick to what they do best: cooking and cleaning.  Men will stick to what they do best: everything.  Women should not be hit by a man.  It is not proper.  Women should be danced with at cotillions, taken to expensive restaurants and made love to mechanically in missionary position.  Thank you.