Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts

A new (good) morning

By Stephen 

[Welcome our newest writer: Stephen!]

Today’s History Lesson

Today marks the 911th anniversary of the first successful plundering of Jerusalem by European Crusaders, in which thousands of Muslims were raped, killed, and/or forced to convert to Christianity. There is nothing funny about this, per se, unless you are a Muslim-hating Christian. Not that all Christians hate Muslims - just those Christians who vote Republican. (Kidding!) (Sort of.)

Today in Exotic Foods

Pending approval by EU health inspectors, camel milk from the UAE will be sold on supermarket shelves in the UK as early as next year. Supposedly it is rich in vitamin-C and very salty. Not as salty, however, as the tears your children will cry after you trick them into drinking it.

Today in Famous People

George Steinbrenner died yesterday. Not sure if he was a Lethal Weapon fan, but a lot of people liked the first one so it’s possible. I mention Lethal Weapon because I really hope the recently released recording of Mel Gibson telling his ex-girlfriend that she “deserved it” when he hit her so hard that he broke her teeth had nothing to do with the massive heart attack Steinbrenner suffered. It probably didn’t. But we will never know for sure.

Today’s Prediction

In the wake of Marmaduke’s $50 million box-office success, studios will become so desperate for adaptations of lame comic strips that someone will commission Mel Gibson to write and direct an(other) adaptation of Prince Valiant. It will be a violent comedy based on the 1st successful Crusade against Muslim-occupied Jerusalem. While filming on location, Mel will be raped by a pack of Bedouins and left for dead until a friendly camel nurses him back to health.

"Never Leave Your Partner Behind" - A Review of Fireproof (2008)

By Glenn

I was listening to NPR's Story of the Day podcast a few weeks back when they started discussing the highest grossing independent movie of 2008. At first I thought it might be Baz Luhrmann's film Australia but quickly cast that thought out of my head. The best independent movie of 2008 had much less singing and slightly less Nicole Kidman, but an equal level of detachment from reality. For, you see my religious and non-religious friends, that film is Fireproof.




Fireproof is a movie that doesn't try to be anything other than what it is: a religious movie masquerading as a movie about relationships. In this review, I will try to be as honest as I can about the qualities and defects of this film. I know my personal biases make this difficult, but I also know I have to come to terms with the fact that Kirk Cameron is not going to respond to the letter I sent him in 1990.

First, as a warning, the movie is rated PG, but not because of any especially harsh language (unless you count taking the lord's name in vain), violence or sexual situations (unless you count subtly referring to internet pornography as a sexual "situation"). Rather, this is a movie for adults because it deals with adult problems - like marriage. No child would feel comfortable watching such overt religious imagery disguised as relationship guidance. There's also next to zero humor in the film, which means most kids will be quickly bored. This is a movie for mom and dad, to help them decide if they want to remain as husband and wife.

Caleb (Kirk Cameron) and Catherine (Erin Bethea) Holt are the married couple in peril, already into the pre-separation stages of a marriage when the movie begins. This makes sense given the movie's focus on reconciliation, but makes the viewer imagine on their own terms how they've gotten to this point - at least until Caleb's father basically says that it's because Caleb isn't a Christian. The silence between them at home echoes louder than the thunderous yells Caleb later unleashes on Catherine for "not respecting him." They don't eat meals together. They don't visit Catherine's sick mother together. They definitely don't go to church together, because Caleb isn't into Christianity, at least compared to "that stuff on the internet."

The movie is about and therefore hinges on the relationship and interactions between Caleb and Catherine. Kirk Cameron - vile and obnoxious Christian that he is - does a fine job. He is a professional actor, after all. Erin Bethea, on the other hand, couldn't act her way out of a paper bag, which she actually attempts in a DVD extra. Erin currently works as a contracted actress at Disney's Magical Kingdom, which I point out not only to insult her talent as an actress but also to mention that OYIT is going to start having advertising from Disney on our website in the future. The poor performance of the female lead is one thing that dooms this movie.

The other is the "transformation" of Kirk Cameron's character Caleb from rude, not-getting-enough-respect, internet porn-loving firefighter to calm, accepting, internet porn-hating Christian husband. After Caleb and Catherine mutually decide they're no longer happy together they decide to get a divorce. This is a simple concept and how many unhappy couples escape relationship prison every day. In Fireproof Caleb's dad tells him to hold off on the divorce and try to follow forty lessons from the same book that saved his marriage.

Most of the lessons are common sense and would apply to anyone trying to save a faltering relationship, such as "call your partner during the day just to see how he/she is." I've never been able to make a marriage work, but everyone knows how easy it is for couples to drift apart even as they should be growing together. The Love Dare does try to serve as a blueprint for couples, even though its background is anything but well-meaning:
The Love Dare is a non-fiction marriage-related book written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. It is a 40-day Christian devotional designed to strengthen marriages. Each daily devotion includes scripture, a statement of principle, the day’s "dare," and a journaling area and check box to chart progress.

For all of those millions of copies sold to unsuspecting Christians, I'm going to reveal a major spoiler: the book doesn't work. Caleb tries basically all of the things the book says to do, but it simply doesn't work. Then his father, in one of the most ham handed film scenes since Jesus's actual crucifixion, leans against a wooden cross and tells him his wife is treating him no worse than he's treating Jesus. You know, he says he loves her, does something nice to her etc. but she rejects him. This should sound VERY familiar to all you former atheists turned Christians. He converts, accepts God/Christ and then she accepts him. Marriage saved, they kiss, movie over.

Or is it? That closing kiss at the end of the movie isn't even as it appears:
...When Cameron's character kisses his wife, the scene was shot in shadows, and [Erin] Bethea was replaced by Cameron's wife, Chelsea Noble, disguised to look as Bethea. This was done because Cameron does not believe that a man should kiss any woman other than his wife.

And that alone should give you an idea of how insane Kirk Cameron is, why I didn't like this movie and why you can't just use the Bible to save a marriage. Relationships are hard. They only come easy to people who are mentally incapacitated or Muslim men who can dominate their wives. The movie doesn't really tell us any concrete reasons why he'll be a better husband after converting to Christianity other than he'll be nicer to her. You don't need religion to be nice to your partner. Additionally, why is it that it was the man's fault the relationship was going so badly and only after converting did he fix himself and thus the marriage? Most relationships take two people to work and two people to break. Maybe if Erin Bethea had some more dramatic range her character would have been fleshed out instead of just cut out of the kissing scenes.

My final recommendation is to stay away from this movie if you're looking to truly save your marriage but embrace it if you're the kind of Christian so fused with religious fervor that you wouldn't agree, as an actor, to kiss a woman other than your wife because God would get mad. The only redeeming feature (besides the trailer, included below) about the movie is the DVD that includes an alternate ending and bloopers/practical jokes. The bloopers extra attempts to be funny, fails and in this failure true love is found - which sounds like the plot for Fireproof 2. The alternate ending, on the other hand, actually converted me back to Christianity. I don't want to give it away, but let's just say it has something to do with the Crocoduck.