Debate: The Balloon Boy Hoax

By Glenn and Jake

Great minds and folk singers all over the world are still stuck on one mind-blowing event that occurred on October 15, 2009. That event being the three county flight of Coloradoan Falcon Heene, better known as the "Balloon Boy." Some claim that it was a hoax, that his parents put him up to it. Even Falcon said that he was told to release the balloon for a show on a television interview with Wolf Blitzer. While Larimer County sheriff Jim Alderden has concluded this balloon flight was a hoax, there are many that still believe it was not. Who is right? Who is wrong? Will the wrong commit hari-kari out of shame? Find out in this very special debate only on One Year in Texas.

Glenn (Hoax): This balloon boy event is a bigger hoax than the Armenian Genocide or Nutrasweet. I was standing in a small airport watching this unfold on CNN when I first found out about it unfolding. My flight had just been canceled - ostensibly because of weather and runway construction but clearly because of this errant balloon. What did this balloon, never filled with Falcon Heene but rather just "Heene-ium" (a play off of the word "helium), have to do with my flight in the upper Midwest? Nothing. It was a hoax. That balloon landed and a bunch of rescue teams descended on it like a pack of Republicans onto an ACORN scandal. The cameras cut away to save us all the pain of watching a dead child rescued from a weather balloon but he was never found. Instead, the balloon was full of the same thing Falcon's parents were when they called the cops: helium.

Jake (the Hoax was the Hoax): The Balloon Boy is a national treasure, much more so than any movie starring Nicolas Cage. What's great about Falcon is that he's clearly a liar. He lied about being on the balloon by hiding in an attic. Then he lied to Wolf Blitzer-- and who can seriously say that they haven't-- about it being a hoax. Just because Jim Alderden thinks something is true does not make it so. That guy's blog is full of nothing but opinion! Do you want this guy just handing out opinions like they are gospel truths? I don't and I don't see why you would. Here's one of my theories on what really happened: Falcon is a modern day Dennis the Menace. He untied the balloon and hung out in the attic like any rational juvenile delinquent would. Then when Wolf Blitzer grilled him Falcon, he lied to get out of trouble. I know what you're thinking No child would ever lie just to get out of trouble. It seems far-fetched, but it might just be the truth!

Glenn (Hoax): I don't get what you're saying. So is your point that he wasn't on the balloon? Or are you saying that he was, but coming out and saying it was a hoax was the hoax itself? In that case, wouldn't he have had to have been on the balloon? Don't get me wrong: I think Wolf Blitzer is a few cards short of a full deck and I encourage lying to him, but I think the Falconers were being honest when they said this was all a hoax. I remember crying later that night when I realized that my earlier tears on behalf of Falcon were all wasted. He was safe in that attic the whole time. There was never a need to cry for him unless I'm crying because of how awful his parents are and how they made him stay in an attic so they could perpetrate a balloon hoax.

Jake (the Hoax was the Hoax): Falcon was protecting Falcon. He clearly just didn't want to get into trouble. He was not on the balloon, so the only real hoax is calling him the Balloon Boy for the rest of his life. He independently untied the balloon without the knowledge of his wonderful Christian parents and then framed them because he didn't want to go to Sunday mass or to a synagogue or a pentagram. Look, I'm not sure what religion the Heane's are, nor do I care. Actually, maybe I do. That's besides the point. Falcon let a giant awesome balloon go across three counties and then "admitted" it was a hoax. Admitting it was a hoax is the hoax. The parents actually believed that Falcon was on the balloon.

Glenn (Hoax): Now I think I understand what you're saying but I disagree with it even more. Why would the parents believe their son was in that weather balloon? I don't know if you saw the balloon, but I did. In fact I've spent the past few weeks going over that film more closely than the Warren Commission looked at JFK's assassination. Unlike the results of that inquiry, I will tell the truth: the balloon never could have held a child. Surely Mr. and Ms. Falcon knew that as they had created the balloon as part of a science experiment - the SCIENCE of tricking idiots in the news media. That's why I think it was a hoax that everyone was in on - even the rescue workers. When the balloon actually landed they did not storm it to find this dead child inside. Instead they sort of circled around the balloon until the helicopter camera stopped filming. If they truly believed little Falcon had just come down from that wild ride, they would have been more concerned. I know I was.

Jake (the Hoax was the Hoax): I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on this point. Your theory is just a little too easy to swallow. It's the spoonful of sugar and the medicine is that the parents knew what was going on. If everything was what the media says it was then we would all think that terrorists from the Middle East flew a plane into the WTC on 9/11/01. We don't, because it's just the easy explanation and we know that it was blown up by George W. Bush.


  1. you guys make me laugh a lot. i remember reading n8's tweet suspecting the ballon boy may be curtis. that was the easily the worst moment of my life next to when i found out god wasn't real.

  2. This debate is funny and my side is complete bullshit. This is a hidden treasure in OYIT in my opinion.

  3. Let's keep it hidden until Falcon Heene shows up in a sex tape.