Good morning from OYIT [Thur Jan 29]

By Glenn

Good morning. You're probably still in shock from last night's shocking episode of Lost and last night's even more shocking replay of Wes Craven's Shocker (1989) on Showtime. All of that will seem less shocking than the news I'm getting actual shock treatment this Friday. Shock treatment was widely used in psychology during the 1950s, as shown in modern films. 2009 Best Picture winner Revolutionary Road had a character who received shock treatment and then couldn't remember the things he used to know about math. This makes me a little worried that I will forget to write this column on Monday and also forget about the ever-shrinking list of people who love me.

[I made a "shocking" statement that Revolutionary Road would win Best Picture even though clearly the Oscars haven't happened yet and the film isn't nominated. I apologize if this shocked everyone hard enough to make them forget a skill set they previously employed.]

Today's Weather

Today I again use a different weather map than normal, in complete disregard of your feelings. If you're thinking this map is irrelevant to you because you've never been on a plane, think again. If you think that map is irrelevant to you because you're not going to be on a plane today, think again. Is your head tired from all that thinking yet? Hopefully not because we're going to need your help at Air Traffic Control in order to land every plane that experiences turbulence in the orange zone. If you thought you weren't going to get involved in FAA bureaucratic bullshit today, think again.

Today's Dental Hygiene Item
It may seem obvious, but a toothbrush is one of the best ways to care for your teeth, wisdom or otherwise. Last night I was grocery shopping alone at 10pm when I came across the "Dental Care" aisle. Given how badly I needed a new toothbrush I thought perhaps this was divine intervention. Then I thought again and realized that walking through aisles of a grocery store it was very likely I would remember something I needed and buy it. I was so excited from realizing life wasn't predetermined that I bought three toothbrushes, which should be enough to get me through at least two meth binges. You'd be surprised how quickly they get worn out after brushing for three straight hours. You'd also be surprised at how poorly blood substitutes for toothpaste.

Today's Movie

No surprise here. The fact that I used a variation of "shock" upwards of 50 times in the opening paragraph should have been a dead giveaway. If you haven't seen the movie (and really, who has?) it's about an electric chair that kills a convicted murderer. The murderer, being electrocuted and played by Mitch Pileggi, then turns into electricity and chases Peter Berg through televisions, DVD players, ipods and all the other technology first shown in Shocker. This is by no means a good movie, but given that today is the anniversary of the day electricity was invented I thought it apropos.

Today's Prediction
All of the planes I warned would be in trouble from being in that orange zone will be safe, with the exception of one...


  1. i find the various maps quite helpful. who knows? one day you may have a map of the tides up and i may just be thinking of going sailing that day.
    you could save lives.

  2. A fine way to wake up. I have Shocker queued up in Netflix and maybe will watch it since it's the movie of the day.

  3. I was going to send up a weather balloon today, but due to the turbulence chart you displayed I thought I should wait. Plus you already had the turbulence chart up so I didnt need to send out the balloon anyway.

  4. Shocker was the original Steve Jobs!

  5. If you had more dental hygiene items, I would remember to brush my teeth!

  6. This was my favorite Good Morning thus far.

  7. I appreciate the comment yet admittedly am furious you aren't reading it until 17 hours after it was posted.


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