OYIT Mailbag First Edition

By Glenn and Jake



As our site grows larger and becomes more and more popular, it's natural for people to wonder what goes on behind the scenes. It's even more natural for those people to contact us with questions and comments about content, our history and our plans for the future. I'm sure at one time or another you've been reading an article and thought to yourself "I have a question about such and such item." Now is your chance to provide feedback. These are all real letters, emails, tweets, text messages and death threats we have received since the site opened at the beginning of this year. Please enjoy and if you would like to see your letter answered live on the internet, email us at mailbag@oneyearintexas.com.



From {name withheld}
u guyz use 2 have this site like 7 yers ago. Wut happened? y even bring it bak?
We wanted to respond to this one first because it's about the history of the website and it's also the only letter we received from someone with downs syndrome. They should be allowed to go first. To answer your question: yes, this used to be a website several years ago and now it's a website again. There's no big mystery behind that. We brought it back because the restraining order that the internet placed on us expired and we wanted to see if we got funnier six years later.




From Ralph
Hello oneyearintexas. My name is Ralph and I'm a fan of your website. My favorite article was the one about politics. I dont want to make you be busy with answer this question, but I have something for which I want to ask you. My question is how old is everyone in the website. Thank you.
Everybody on the website is 26, except for Tina, who is 19. She just had her birthday which we celebrated by letting her grandma make her cookies. Glenn, Bub and I (Jake) are 26. I don't know how old the other people are. They could very well be ghosts. If you've ever seen the movie The Ghost in the Machine you'll know what I'm talking about. If you haven't then you're on the same ground as myself, who has never seen the movie, yet makes reference to it constantly. This is why people think I'm stupid. This and all of the articles I write about New Amsterdam. Like I knew they changed the name; give me a break, readers! Stop filling my inbox!




From Bartholomew
You guys have those twitter bible articles. Is that blasphemy? I asked my priest when I was in the confessional, but he wasn't sure. He told me that it was too much like Facebook status updates and didn't really get Twitter. I kind of do. I mean, it's like live blogging, right? The priest said there was nothing wrong w/ live blogging and nothing wrong wth Facebook status updates. I assume there's nothing wrong with Twitter. What do you think?
Part of me is happy you've been reading our articles regularly enough to know we've had two with Biblical twitter references, but another part of me is ashamed that Catholics are reading our website. Why don't you ask your priest more relevant questions like "How many AIDS victims' lives are worth losing so we can stop people from using comdoms?" or "What is the inherent nature of man?" Little known fact: Twitter was created by Anton LaVey to use in his Church of Satan ministries. However, since the Church of Satan was just a front group to help Marilyn Manson sell albums in the 1990s and not actually involved with Satanism, I don't think think you have anything to worry about.




From Andy
To whichever asshole this concerns. I saw a link to your AWFUL site on Facebook. Normally I ignore all links on Facebook or as I call it GAY book but this one I accidentally clicked on when I was looking for nude pics of this girl I know. Anyway I accidentally went to your website and wanted to have diarrhea so I could sit on the toilet instead of my computer chair where I had to look at your fucking AWFUL site. Your site is so awful it should be called Something AWFUL. Seriously dudes (and girls if there are any) - FUCK YOU. You guys are gayer than Elton John!
Elton John is bisexual, so you are correct in assuming that we are gayer than he. We are equally gay as Elton John and David Bowie put together, but not even nearly as British. Our site was going to be called Something Awful, but that was already taken by Cracked Magazine. Mad Magazine replied by registering the domain "Blechthing Awblech," and parodying their site there. It's pretty good, you should check it out. We sometimes use that and Mad Magazine itself as inspiration for our articles. For instance, reposting old articles was taken from their idea to publish collections of their classic material. For Christmas I bought the entire staff subscriptions to Mad Magamazing (as I call it) and Barely Legal (except for Tina who is barely legal and therefore doesn't need the magazine). To answer you question, yes we look for naked girls on Facebook, but there just aren't any. You should try Jugsbook instead. There are some topnotch mellons on there.




From Krysten
I was one of the people who came to your site because of things I searched for on Google. The first search I made was for Australia (the movie, not the country) and hot rods. I got really made when I found your site at first because it doesn't really have anything about Australia or my favorite wrestler "Hot Rod" "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. I made another search at least 3 days later and got sent back to your website again. This time I searched for Megadeth and euthanasia because I have a great uncle who is really sick but love Megadeth and I wanted to find out if I could euthanize him by using Megadeth music. The article about Hotel for Dogs turned out to be very helpful and now my uncle is dead. You should only use appropriate tags on your website or you will corrupt Google's search algorithm, fyi.
There is one article that references Roddy Piper coming up. I'm working on a series of articles entitled "My Favorite Wrestlers from the 80s." I've got Earthquake, Big John Studd, Rick Rude and Lex Luger done already. They just haven't been posted yet because I'm waiting for black history month. Unfortunately, no black wrestlers were made stars in the 80s. They could have gone all the way with Junk Yard Dog, but Vince McMahon is most likely a racist.

Megadeth is One Year in Texas' favorite band. We love speed metal, and feel that Dave Mustaine is the greatest guitarist in the genre. Some times when we're guzzling a 30 pack of 'Stones we do air guitar to "Peace Sells (But Who's Buying)" and we play it on Rock Band, too (but only when sober). I'm working on some articles showcasing the best songs of Megadeath for black history month. Get ready for that.

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle, but am glad to hear about your love of Hotel for Dogs. I'm glad you found it helpful. I think we all did. It helped me find my missing car keys when typing "www.wherearemycarkeys.com" into by address bar didn't. I think we should all be grateful that Bub wrote an article as helpful as Hotel for Dogs. I just thought of this amazing pun: Hotel of HOTDogs. Actually, that's kind of shit. Why would hotdogs need a whole hotel? They usually are eaten by people who are too lazy to mix a few ingredients together to make real food.

Google's search algorithm has been corrupt ever since it was caught with famous whore Ashley Alexandra Dupree. I like her pop music.




From Tyrrell
Are you guys going to have any interviews with Will Smith anytimes soon? I really wonder what he's like as a real life person and his interviews on Jay Leno don't do him any justice. I would like to know why he's into scientology and how his children are doing in school, particularly math.
There is no justice on the Tonight Show and there never will be. Don't talk about Will Smith's Scientology if you really care about him. Once the American public finds out one of their favorite movie stars is into that fucked up shit, they stop going to see their movies (with one exception: Kevin James). If you want to know how his kids are doing why don't you kidnap them? Or, perhaps more appropriately, subscribe to his fan club's newsletter; it sends out his children's grades every semester. If you need a link to the website, I found it on the internet located at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/5645/. You can tell it's real because it's in the Hollywood/Lot subcategory, just like where he makes his movies.




Thus concludes our first edition of the Mailbag. Just remember to email us if you want to see your questions or comments next time.

7 comments:

  1. I love these mail bags. Expect many many more!

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  2. I anticipate these mailbags more than I do Bryan's next post.

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  3. Seriously I love these mailbags!

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  4. As do I. I can't wait until the next one.

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  5. Still like them a lot, but maybe not as much as four years ago.

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