Good Morning from OYIT [I'm Back Edition]

By Glenn

Good morning. Thank you for all the well wishes I received after my untimely fall a few days ago. They say that a cracked pelvis is the one injury that will never heal, but the extreme outpouring sympathy in the comments section of the last two good morning posts are all the medicine I need to recover. I will continue taking the vicodin though, just to be safe. There are several things I did during my absence (including write my LONGEST article yet about technology and people being 45 years old) but we need to get down to business.

[One of the things I did while nursing myself back to health was watch the Aviator - ironically, perhaps, he got down to the business of airplanes and I was urinating in jars because I didn't trust toilets.]

Today's Weather

I wanted to make sure all of my friends in the Old Confederacy know which areas will be clean to travel today. When you're a reactionary in the Deep South, every day can be a new adventure. Do you go to a Southern Baptist Church? A gun show? Wal-Mart? I may be stereotyping, but I also may not. The more time I spend as a member of Congress the more I despise everyone who comes from this area, with the exception of those in majority-black districts. That blue mass looks like the advancing Union army! Be careful, my Southern friends. The North already aggressed on you once, and now it's trying to do the same thing with the economic stimulus. Be sure to vote against it in unison and then beg for federal money once it passes.

Today's Water of the Day
For many of us, tap water is the first liquid we ever consumed, even before formula or our birth mother's breast milk. That establishes a dependency the bottled water industry has for decades been trying to break you from. However, like your birth mother, they can't quite make that emotion connection and change your allegiance. You can't make tap water tap out because it's everywhere in the world. Your house has tap water; your workplace environment has tap water; even the elementary school you sometimes visit has tap water. Tap water is delicious and it's healthy for you because the government regulates it. There was a big fuss in 2001 when the Bush administration issued an executive order to allow more arsenic, but that cooled over once we realized just how good arsenic tastes when mixed with tap. Just for fun - you DON'T have to do it, but you might be pleasantly surprised - pick up a glass of tap water and drink it today.

Today's Parliamentary Election Winners
Israel had parliamentary elections on Tuesday and I didn't get a chance to talk to you about them. It's still relevant because the winner wasn't Kadima, it wasn't Labor, it wasn't Likud; it was........QUESTION MARK?
Technically, the moderate Kadima Party eked out one more seat in the Israeli Knesset, or parliament, than the right-wing Likud Party. But because there are so many different parties in the Knesset, the complicated process of forming a governing coalition is likely to leave Israel with either a far right-wing coalition that wants nothing to do with the Palestinian peace process or a wobbly and fractured right-leaning coalition.
I'm as confused you are by all of this and I wish I could have been here Tuesday and Wednesday morning to lay the groundwork for this controversy. Let me see if this picture will put things into perspective:

What about this one?

That's Benjamin Netanyahu. He's likely to be the new Prime Minster of Israel. You'll get to know him very well over the course of the next few years, and not in a good way.

Today's Prediction
Bibi Netanyahu joins the staff of OYIT over Bub's fierce objections. My linking to the IDF/Maxim joint effort into female exploitation will be more popular than the joint US/Israeli air strikes into Iran, while also ensuring we finally get more people to "Digg" our articles beyond my friends at the Tap Water Association lobbying firm.


  1. I'm drinking tap water right now because of this article. It's filtered through my Pur filtering system (a pitcher).

  2. Jake, you shouldnt cut your tap water like that!

  3. Drinking it? I'm pouring it all over myself!! And I still can't get rid of the dirty feeling the Israeli elections have produced!!! Best Good Morning Yet!!!!


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