Good morning from OYIT [Monday]

By Glenn

Good morning. This is the first good morning post of February, which may prove to be the shortest month yet of 2009. I know no one is happy to get back to work on Monday morning (least of all me), but alas we must soldier through. The only GOOD thing about Monday, in fact, is that I know you've all come back to me in the form of reading this column. Because even if the weekend is over, that doesn't mean we can't still have fun. Speaking of fun, I had my shock treatments on Friday afternoon. They were not fun, but they allowed me to clear my head and continue writing this article.

[Imagine being electrocuted, twice.]

Today's Weather

Look at all those numbers! We'll never know what they mean, but it's safe to say that February should be a month of both highs and lows, temperature wise. We were hit with an unseasonably yet benign warm front on Saturday. Today looks like it will be colder but I'm not a meteorologist. Meteorology is sometimes called the world's "oldest profession" because meteors have existed long before humankind - going back as far as the time of the dinosaurs. In those days, "meteorologists" would have predicted more than just the weather, but rather the point at which meteors would extinguish 97% of all life on Earth. That will be in tomorrow's forecast.

Today's Lip Balm
Most people - with the exception of die hard lip enthusiasts - might not realize that it is improper to ask for "chapstick" unless you are specifically asking for a specific brand. Much in the way I would growing up ask for "Kleenex" when I wanted a tissue, for decades ChapStick has cornered the lip market in such a way that it is interchangeable with the proper term "lip balm." This, combined with the fine product they create, leads me to recommend ChapStick as today's lip balm. One of ChapStick's strengths lies in its variety, featuring flavors such as original, cherry and glue. My favorite flavor is cherry because that's what was purchased for me at one point in my life and I'm a mindless slave to brand and flavor loyalty. The people over at Lip Balm Anonymous, however, argue that ChapStick has addictive qualities. So it might not be my fault I always buy ChapStick cherry.

Today's Facebook Group
Those of you in the Chicago, IL network on Facebook (and ONLY those of you in the Chicago network) might want to check out a group called "I HATE DUMB HOES!." Started last month, the group seeks to devalue women in a way that even women can be a part of. In the thread topic Why women still complain when they have a good man?, Robert Hines beings with a truism: "Dumb Hoes." Not to be outdone, Andrew Redd offers his own opinion:
The reason so called women still complain is their never satisfied trust me when I say never. The only way they don't complain is they have something in their mouth.
Although I don't understand what he means, I admire the way Andrew forcefully states his hypothesis. If you are interested in hearing more about hoes AND are in the Chicago network, please join this group today.

Today's Prediction
Andrew Redd is going to send in a letter to the mailbag and let us know what he thinks about being mentioned on OYIT. There should be another edition up later this week, so if you want to sound off about something don't miss your chance.


  1. you should switch to burt's bees!!!

  2. Whoot!@ I'm with Maddie, though I'm allergic to lip balm and bees, I can wholly endorse any product made by Burt.

  3. Burt does not make the bees, nor does he even make that lovely lovely lip balm. Clorox bought em out in Nov '07. . So, I'd be wary of that minty sensation. I still use it, of course, because I'm an all-out bad ass.

    Happy Monday?

  4. I also use Burt's Bees. We need to save the bees, on a more serious note. They are dying off and we're all going to be more fucked than the pornstar Houston.

    Also, since I'm in the Chicago network I joined the "I Hate Dumb Hoes!" group. Since they spelled it "hoes" I'd think they were talking about gardening, yet they are talking about women. They should read the back of a Dr. Dre or Snoop Dogg album for some spelling lessons.

  5. andrew redd just makes so much sense. as does the use of lip balm. as does the joining of a chicago network called "i hate dumb hoes!". however, i only use lip balm as of this date.


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