Meet Kaleena: Olive Garden's December Employee of the Month

By Kaleena

Something so wonderful and unexpected happened. I felt like it was a dream. One night, after the hub-bub and hectic holidays were finally behind us (and with Mother's Day looming on the horizon), I received a letter from my superiors.

"Here Kaleena, I keep forgetting to give you this." said Pam Anderson (my supervisor and yes that is her real name).

"Oh yeah, I always see it on the desk but just keep forgetting, too," chimed in Patti (the wait-staff supervisor).

I opened the envelope apprehensively, expecting a warning on too many write ups, but instead it was a letter from the big-cheese himself: the Regional Manager. I read in awe as it told me of the greatest accomplishment a hostess at The Olive Garden could hope for - I was selected December's Employee of the Month!

Both of my co-hostesses congratulated me and I quickly tucked the letter away, brushing it off as "ah, no big deal." However, if they could see my insides they would have known the deception that lie deep within. I was so elated. I couldn't believe the powers that be at this particular fourth rate "Italian" restaurant had selected me as their stand-out. I had barely worked there 3 months in December which just proves that hard work and outstanding seating can really get you somewhere.

I perhaps should explain my position. I am a hostess. I am the first person seen as the guest enters and the last one as they leave. Like the newest member to the family likes to say: "It's all about the WOW factor."

I used to cringe and vomit a little in my mouth every time she would say these words. A couple of time I had to stop myself from instinctually slapping her across the face - it's just unprofessional. Now, I'm thinking she may have something in that. I do strive to be the loudest "Hi! How are you?" as well as "Have a good night!" I guess the fake smiles and many times I've had to grit my teeth to keep from yelling at parents to keep their kids under control have really paid off!

I won't drag this out any more, I just wanted to share my happiness with all you that are near and dear to me. As well as those of you who don't know me so perhaps I may pass on a bit of my enthusiasm to you for your dead-end, soul-sucking jobs. You, any of you, can someday become your place of employment's Employee of the Month.

I will add, if your place of employment doesn't offer this program, maybe suggest it to keep you focused and on top of your game!


  1. Kaleena, I have not had the pleasure of meeting you but you make me want Olive Garden real reals bad. You ARE wow.

  2. Kal was supposed to get stuff for being employee of the month, too, but they are trying to fuck her over. Olive Garden is an unstoppable monster like Jason Voorhees.

  3. Kaleena, I am so proud to know you right now.

  4. If Jason Voorhees only handed out free breadsticks.

  5. Jason Voorhees would hand out free breadsticks, but they'd go through your skull. They'd probably be really good, though.

  6. WTG Kaleena! You are a regular Jessica Simpson (I am assuming that she and not Dane Cook is the EOM in that movie because being a 'regular Dane Cook' would sound like the worst insult possible)!

  7. i hope you hung that letter up on the fridge. keep it up with the WOW factor!

  8. hell yes kaleena! way to go! i am definitely going to take your advice and suggest an "employee of the month" program at my workplace. it sounds much more exciting than the "bonus bucks" we currently receive.

    hats off to you kaleena, keep those free breadsticks coming!

  9. hey how odd! my name is also Kaleena and I also use to be a hostess (and the best damn hostess besides the head hostess) at the O.G.! only problem is that we didn't have any "employees of the month"...rock on though!

  10. that IS odd, anonymous,and i know this is late, but the remarks on this article are all I need to know how worthwhile it is becoming employee of the month :)

  11. I'm glad to hear you were I'll Live Garden's Dismember Employee of the Moth.


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