One Week Entertainment [2-07-09]

By Jake

I should preface this edition of OWE by saying that I do not watch television (although I keep up on a few TV series via the internet), and therefore have no idea who at least half of these people are. Yet, I started doing this thinking it would draw more females to the site, and it has. If entertainment was a bear trap, than the women who read this article are like the park rangers who accidentally get their leg snapped off by the ankle from looking at the foliage. Now that I've been condescending, it's time for the news.


Allison Hannigan describers herself as being like "a Koala bear where I'm slightly stoned." I'm not going to read that article because a)if that quote is given context it stops being amazing and b)I could fucking care less about Allison Hannigan.

Lil' Wayne shows off his bowling skills.

Proto-Tina Fey singer/songwriter Lisa Loeb has tied the knot (slang for getting married). Congrats Lisa.

Michael Phelps appologizes for a picture of him toking up. Fuck that, Mike. Just get high and watch the Gummi Bears like the rest of us.

Emma Watson is sexy, embarrassed.

Sexy Jewess Scarlett Johansson has gone bruentte. Too bad she's married to uber douche Ryan Reynolds and releases awful albums full of Tom Waits covers. I don't know why it's too bad.



Christian Bale yelled at some guy.

Jean Claude Van Damme is answering our prayers and is pushing for a Bloodsport sequel. I say bring it on. I'll fucking watch it.

Now, having said the above about a Bloodsport sequel, I feel that I have to clearify my rant from last week's OWE column about reboots. I have negative feels toward the unoriginal ideas that Hollywood lets through, yet I don't mind a sequel. At least a sequel is a building off of an original idea. Occasionally sequels are even worth watching. Remakes and reboots are just annoying. Making a sequel to Friday the 13th is fine by me, but rebooting the series is just stupid. Why even bother? Why is giving Jason Voorhees a mullet a good thing? Why can't Jason just go to a mall and go all Killbots on some teens? I'd watch that. You would watch that. Are you going to go see a reboot where Jason is at Camp Crystal Lake doing the same boring shit he does in every movie, but now he has a fucking mullet? Hopefully not, but a lot of people will and then they will shit out reboot sequels (like they did with Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween). FUCK!

Sorry about that! Entertainment news pisses me off.

Michael Phelps was caught hitting a bong. Kellogs drops him. (I got high and watched Gummi Bears and accidentally reported this twice, just like People.com did).

Eva Longoria's husband bought a French baseball team. Very interesting.

The younger brother of the Blacked Eyed Peas' Apl.de.ap was murdered. Our prayers are with the de.ap family.

Musical artist MIA is going to "rap" at the Grammies on her due date. I put rap in quotes, because I feel like she's not a rapper. To me she is somewhere between electronic and pop music. Just because somebody sells records doesn't make them a rapper.

Nick Carter nearly died from heart disease. Now he's sobered up. Our prayers go out to the families of all of the boy bands, not just Carter's.

Here's a story containing three people I hate: Ellen DeGeneres, John Mayer and Jennifer Anniston.

Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas has a child on the way. Congrats Taboo!

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas favorite wedding moment was saying "I do." How adorable.

Women, get ready: there's another Sex in the City movie coming!

Singer for the Cramps Lux Interior died from a heart condition. RIP Lux. Here's a video to lead out of this week's OWE:



11 comments:

  1. MIA is Iris' favorite female artist. MGMT is her favorite band. And Teletubbies is currently her favorite TV show.

    Also isn't Eva Longoria married to Tony Parker? He's French.

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  2. Iris is a hipster! She's going to rebel by listening to Yoyo Ma and John Tesh when she's 13.

    I don't know who Tony Parker is. The article said Eva's husband's name but I didn't know who it was so I just said "Eva Longoria's husband" because I don't know who anybody is. I don't even really know who Eva Longoria is, honestly. I just know she's on Desperate Housewives and I hear people say her name.

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  3. Beth that's a serious accusation to make. You better have some proof.

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  4. Beth is right. I wanted to post that story, but I couldn't find the picture. I assume it's pulling her eyes so she looks "Asian," but I don't know for sure.

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  5. Without a link I can't say for sure either way, but it sounds like she was reaching out to her Asian fan base.

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  6. http://blogs.nashvillescene.com/nashvillecream/2009/02/pc_panties_in_a_wad_another_mi.php

    that poor little asian looks terrified.

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  7. did anyone else see the buzzfeed for fundies?!

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  8. Yes, the underwear built for two. I'm sure they're flying off the shelves.

    also:
    An Asian-American advocacy group has issued a response:

    Not only has Miley Cyrus and the other individuals in the photograph encouraged and legitimised the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent, she has also insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans.

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  9. miley cyrus is on a down-hill spiral already
    also - i now loath the day 'sex in the city' aired
    also - i didn't hate that 'cramps' song
    and finally - MIA is a rapper, for the most part. technically, anyway. and scarlett johansen's covers of tom waits songs are not horrible - there, i said it.

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  10. Scarlett Johansan is a beautiful Jewess, but her album is drivel. She takes the soul out of Tom Waits' songs. I'd rather listen to Cat Power than that album (that's a bit harsh maybe).

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