Boy Meets World -- Too Hot for TV Part 2

By Gary

The continuing look at the soon-to be released "uncensored Boy Meets World"

[SCENE – Feeny’s classroom. Vanessa lies on the desk while Nicolas stands over her]

Feeny: She’s dead, Mr. Bornihay. Pick up the knife and kill yourself.

Nicolas: Come on, Mr. Feeny. May I please stab her a few times just to make sure?

Feeny: (Sits up quickly and gets in Nicolas’s face) Hey! You touch me with that fucking knife, you better kill me the first time. (laughs)

Nicolas: (Terrified) Mr. Feeny…

Feeny: All right, all right… (Lays Vanessa back down)

[Cut to Shawn and Cory, sitting in the back of the class. Shawn, sitting behind Cory, leans forward to speak. Cory has his hand cupped around his right ear]

Shawn: (Whispering) Cory.

Cory: (Whispering) Huh?

Shawn: (Whispering) We got to get that knife, if we have any chance of survival.

Cory: (Quietly, not quite whispering)What the fuck's the point... (Out of nowhere, Feeny’s hand pulls Cory’s hand away from his ear, breaking several fingers)

Feeny: (Pulls Cory's hand harder) What’s this, Mr. Matthews?

Cory: (Begins) Huh? What’d you say, Mr. Feeny? You took my dignity, my life, my family, and now ability to do what I love the most....write.

Feeny: Mr Matthew's, I am not a completely evil man...allow me to bring you a little joy to meaningless life and give you an update on your beloved Phillies (pulls out headphones and recites play-by-play unemotionally) Smoltz delivers, Dalton swings. Oh, he got a piece of that one. It’s a long drive, deep to center. Otis Nixon back, back to the warning track, climbs up the wall, and… (Turns off radio)

Cory: (Buries face in hands, sighing) Ohh! You are a fucking monster!

Feeny: (Wrapping headphone wire around Cory’s neck) Mr. Matthews, Romeo and Juliet is Shakespeare’s ultimate testament of love between a man and a woman.

Nicolas: (From offscreen) Bitch ain't dead! (Camera cuts to Nicolas, who is pinned to the desk by Vanessa, who’s trying to stab him with the knife) Help! Help!

Feeny: (Rushes over, manages to take the knife from Vanessa) Ms. Kincaid, thank you! Thank you (leads her off the desk), you have been proven worthy of my respect. (Places knife & radio on his desk, turns to Cory)

Cory: (Stands) Mr. Feeny, why are you doing this?

Feeny: (Shakes his head, paces towards Cory) The tragedy here, Mr. Matthews, is not about a dumb girl or the boy who kills himself because of her. It’s about the all-consuming power of love and the inevitability of its influence on each of our lives.

Cory: (Looks at him with confusion, red-faced) Are you aware that I’m an eleven years old?

Feeny: Are you aware that the universe is governed by chaos?

Cory: It doesn't make this life anymore tolerable. (Feeny nods with respect)

To be continued.....


  1. I can't wait until Cory is in middle school and has to help Vader win matches.

  2. I'm trying to figure out which episode these are most like but can't quite put my finger on it..

  3. Where is that hippy b*tch Topanga?

  4. that's what I was wondering!

  5. for a minute i thought i made up the name topanga and was thinking vanessa all along. phew!
    if they'd taught us shakespeare like this at my high-school i'd probably have stuck around to graduate!