Boy Meets World -- Too Hot for TV Part 2

By Gary

The continuing look at the soon-to be released "uncensored Boy Meets World"


[SCENE – Feeny’s classroom. Vanessa lies on the desk while Nicolas stands over her]


Feeny: She’s dead, Mr. Bornihay. Pick up the knife and kill yourself.

Nicolas: Come on, Mr. Feeny. May I please stab her a few times just to make sure?

Feeny: (Sits up quickly and gets in Nicolas’s face) Hey! You touch me with that fucking knife, you better kill me the first time. (laughs)

Nicolas: (Terrified) Mr. Feeny…

Feeny: All right, all right… (Lays Vanessa back down)

[Cut to Shawn and Cory, sitting in the back of the class. Shawn, sitting behind Cory, leans forward to speak. Cory has his hand cupped around his right ear]

Shawn: (Whispering) Cory.

Cory: (Whispering) Huh?

Shawn: (Whispering) We got to get that knife, if we have any chance of survival.

Cory: (Quietly, not quite whispering)What the fuck's the point... (Out of nowhere, Feeny’s hand pulls Cory’s hand away from his ear, breaking several fingers)

Feeny: (Pulls Cory's hand harder) What’s this, Mr. Matthews?

Cory: (Begins) Huh? What’d you say, Mr. Feeny? You took my dignity, my life, my family, and now ability to do what I love the most....write.

Feeny: Mr Matthew's, I am not a completely evil man...allow me to bring you a little joy to meaningless life and give you an update on your beloved Phillies (pulls out headphones and recites play-by-play unemotionally) Smoltz delivers, Dalton swings. Oh, he got a piece of that one. It’s a long drive, deep to center. Otis Nixon back, back to the warning track, climbs up the wall, and… (Turns off radio)

Cory: (Buries face in hands, sighing) Ohh! You are a fucking monster!

Feeny: (Wrapping headphone wire around Cory’s neck) Mr. Matthews, Romeo and Juliet is Shakespeare’s ultimate testament of love between a man and a woman.

Nicolas: (From offscreen) Bitch ain't dead! (Camera cuts to Nicolas, who is pinned to the desk by Vanessa, who’s trying to stab him with the knife) Help! Help!

Feeny: (Rushes over, manages to take the knife from Vanessa) Ms. Kincaid, thank you! Thank you (leads her off the desk), you have been proven worthy of my respect. (Places knife & radio on his desk, turns to Cory)

Cory: (Stands) Mr. Feeny, why are you doing this?

Feeny: (Shakes his head, paces towards Cory) The tragedy here, Mr. Matthews, is not about a dumb girl or the boy who kills himself because of her. It’s about the all-consuming power of love and the inevitability of its influence on each of our lives.

Cory: (Looks at him with confusion, red-faced) Are you aware that I’m an eleven years old?

Feeny: Are you aware that the universe is governed by chaos?

Cory: It doesn't make this life anymore tolerable. (Feeny nods with respect)


To be continued.....

5 comments:

  1. I can't wait until Cory is in middle school and has to help Vader win matches.

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  2. I'm trying to figure out which episode these are most like but can't quite put my finger on it..

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  3. Where is that hippy b*tch Topanga?

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  4. that's what I was wondering!

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  5. for a minute i thought i made up the name topanga and was thinking vanessa all along. phew!
    if they'd taught us shakespeare like this at my high-school i'd probably have stuck around to graduate!

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