Good Morning From OYIT [March 19th]

By Kaleena

Rise and shine and before you head out the door start a new morning tradition; OYIT's morning news brief! More fun than the newspaper and no waste (unless your computer explodes but I'm pretty sure they're recyclable). Plus, it's mostly kid friendly so parent's we won't be teaching kids anything they're not getting from public school except maybe some proper sex education.
Relax with that mug of coffee to go and catch up with me for a minute...

This is a map I would highly recommend being on drugs to fully enjoy. Of course, only if you don't have a really important job to go to. If it's a hot restaurant kitchen or fast-food drive through (this would include any Arby's, Mikey), be sure to grab at this chance to see the sky as trippy as this water vapor map. The map reads as such; the wetter an area, the more green-the dryer, the more yellow, orange,or red. So, if this map could actually detect the level of sexual tendencies of certain areas, it would be the best map in the world (unless you need to know if there's a severe storm or hurricane coming).

For today's extremely useful hobby - fortune telling. Above is a picture of modern-day Gypsies meeting in the woods to perform their every-day fortune telling rituals. The Gypsies are master fortune tellers, much like masters of kung-fu. Or monks. You can tell who the real ones are because they don't ask for any money. They just walk up to you in the streets - sometimes cleverly disguised as crazy, homeless people who smell like pee - and tell you of your future. You too can become a fortune-teller. Like the martial arts, there are many different types to master. The ancient Gypsy method, however, is well-hidden to the general public and one has to bear through some pretty rough hazing and ritual practices in order to become even a student. So, take up with a local psychic or tarot card reader. If you're lucky enough to get a crystal ball expert grab hold and enjoy the ride!
Remember, you can do anything you set your mind to; even reading the minds of others. Scary!

Know what will calm your mind after a mind-warping fortune telling session? The greatest dessert inspired by wild fungi - truffles. Oh my God, truffles. Have you ever had a truffle? You should have. Even if you've had one, have another. And another. Hell, eat a whole box and laugh as you flip through your gossip mags with all those skinny women and boys who wouldn't be brave enough to through their cautious, sculpted bodies to the wind for one devilish moment of pleasure.
There are many different kinds of truffles, and there are recipes galore that tell you how to make them. I suggest exploring. Sure, just take a peek and see if you can resist the temptation to attempt to make these nuggets of Godly power and goodness. Do I know what that means exactly? Yes, but it's complicated. What is not complicated is the deliciousness of truffles.
Make some, buy some - whichever you decide you'll be sure to enjoy a lot!

I hope I have helped you learn a thing or two you can take to the water cooler or your friends car as you enjoy that morning joint before your break. Have one of the greatest days of your life and we'll see you tomorrow!


  1. You should have talked more about burning herbs. Otherwise, good job.

  2. I figured I didn't want to get too into anything I wasn't entirely sure about. And thank you.


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