Good Morning [inaugural March edition]

By Glenn

Good morning. Today is the first day of March, except for yesterday, the day before and the day before that. March has always had a special place in my heart. It's the month Julius Caesar died, the month the US invaded Iraq and the month I was born. In fact today is my birthday. 1996 feels like such a long time ago as I turn thirteen years old, but I know I'm still the youngest person writing on this website and one of the youngest people to ever have his own website. I was really sick last week so I didn't write anything for this website but I'm feeling better now.



Today's Weather

Today should be a great day for me and my thirteenth birthday. With the exception of some thunderstorms out in California and its surrounding states, the weather looks great today. The only thing out of the usual here in the Midwest is the giant baby's head that will devour us.


Today's Birthday

Turning 13 is kind of scary to a 13 year old, but VERY scary to a 26 year old pretending to be half his age. There are things that didn't scare me on my real thirteenth birthday but do scare me now. Thirteen years ago I was completely self confident in how I look. But as I see myself playing the set of drums I got today, I wonder if there aren't problems with my appearance. Will thirteen year old girls like my red hair and my midriff top? I guess we'll know at my pretend birthday party tonight. It's at Hooter's.


Today's Restaurant

I choose Hooter's as the place to have my thirteenth birthday party because that's where the prettiest women are. I define beauty by a woman's desperation in how she chooses her job. The women who choose Hooter's are the most beautiful of all, to me. Even at 13 I enjoy large breasts and tight shirts that look like they would feel uncomfortable. Hooter's is the restaurant of the day, which means everyone needs to eat here for either lunch or dinner. I recommend dinner because there will be more women there and you might see me there celebrating my thirteenth birthday.


Today's Prediction
I'll get a gun for my birthday today and finally have a reason to use it.