Overheard at the Mall

By Jake

I spent much of last night with my ears wide open at the local mall. While sitting with my notebook firmly in hand, I encountered some seriously odd snippets of conversation.

  • "Where is the kiosk for sunglasses?"

  • "This bitch gets all in my face waving her Lisa Frank folder like her shit don't stink..." (said by a 12 year old girl)

  • "Where the fuck can I find fishing lures up in this motherfucker?" (said by a solitary man out of anger and confusion)

  • "I have a bet with my friend: are you Gerald McRaney?"

  • "3 churros later..."

  • "You're out of Alfredo pizza? What is this: Nazi Germany!?!?"

  • "If I eat one more Maidrite sandwich I'm going to vomit blood."

  • "The only band anyone ever talks about anymore is Depeche Mode."


    1. This kind of makes me want to hang out at the mall. I never realized it was such a hot spot for entertainment. I know if I go I'll just end up eating chocolate, drinking too much coffee, and eating cheap food and feeling really depressed afterwords. "Where the fuck can I find fishing lures up in this motherfucker?" was my favorite although the foul mouthed 12 y/o was pretty funny too.

    2. i didn't realize there were maidrites in the mall. nor did i realize they could induce blood-vomit. interesting.