Looking for Love

By Jake

Instead of our usual muckraking articles, which do more harm than good, we have decided to help a fellow who is looking for a lovely lady with whom he can share his life. Our love lorn hero has changed his profile since I last looked, but luckily I managed to save his detailed info, which is a lot more honest than his current.

My Self Summary
Hi, I'm new to the area looking to meet new people and maybe that special someone in the process. I graduated with a masters degree in economics and am currently working for an online startup of about 25 people. I enjoy going out during the day as well as in the evening and am looking forward to seeing what DC has to offer. I have many interests, some of which include painting and playing sports in my spare time. Drop me a line if you like what you read and want to know more.

I'm Looking for a Girl Who
1.Has been with less than 10 partners.
2.Has never had a one night stand.
3.Has never done drugs. If you drink one or two drinks when you go out that is okay and if you are in the process of quitting smoking that is okay as well.
4.Who's parents are together rather than divorced.
5.Who has good relations with both her parents.
6.Has no tattoos or piercings.
7.The majority of her friends are females. I don't go out with women who have mostly guy friends.
8.Knows how to cook.
9.Takes care of herself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
10.Is slender or athletic in body type.
11.Has had no history of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
12.Does not get drunk.
13.Does not get drunk and party. Partying while sober is okay though.
14.Prefers coffee shops, the outdoors, and bookstores or hanging out during the day to hitting the bars or clubs at night.
15.Is not religious, but has good moral values.
16.Is intelligent and can hold her own in a conversation.
17.Is affectionate.
18.Does not date around or multiple people at once.
19.Meets all of the above requirements. No exceptions ;)


  1. The sad thing is that I agree with him on a lot of these but I'd never know how to lay it out in list form and certainly wouldn't as a way to meet someone online.

  2. and he's looking for someone with all those qualities IN WASHINGTON, D.C.???

  3. fuck this guy. seriously, fuck this guy. there is not ONE person i know who loves coffee shops and does not party. know how i know? because NO ONE loves coffee shops as much as i do. NO ONE!


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