Good Mourning from OYIT (May 13th edition)

By Gary


It's Hump day. I am headed for Hooter's after I am done writing this for their hump day special. I think they have nickel shots and penny wings. What a way to clean out my pockets of all this extra jingle jangle, and potentially kill myself on 47 cents.

The Mourning Video is Aesop Rock "Coffee" featuring John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats. Its a neat video and a good song. I love hip hop and I love Aesop Rock, and on top of that, I thought I would throw all those indie/folk kids a bone by featuring a song that features John Darnielle. Also it features him getting struck by lightning if your're not a fan. It also features a nipple for a split second so everyone wins. The song has something to do with consumerism and stuff...and we ALL like to consume something. It's also called coffee and millions of readers will be having a nice coffee while reading this post so I found it to more than appropriate.

I know everyone was shocked/excited/outraged to here about the Drop Dead Freed remake, but that news means nothing when faced with the reality of an American Gladiators movie! I can't even begin to fathom what this movie would be like. The show/movie creator said it will take place in an American Gladiators-centric world. I assume by this he means an alternate reality were America is ruled by a group of muscular spandex clad leaders that delegate the American government by forcing the citizens to partake in life or death public events that involve tennis balls and giant blue and red balls (atlaspheres for the purists).

The movie's protagonist will be a police officer from Miami Florida named William. His unlikely rival will be a high school science teacher and retired personal trainer from Boulder Colorado named Jim. As he competes in these deadly events his wife and kids will be forced to watch live and hold signs that have both his name and glitter and/or puffy paint.

That's all I can assume for now. I can also hope that Bob McElwee as the morally sound and fair Supreme Ref, Mike Adamle as a rebel News anchor, and Larry Csonka as the Head of the US Department of Larry Csonka and Larry Csonka Research (DoLZ&LZR), make at least cameos in this future blockbuster.

One last note, hopefully the pugel sticks will be featured so everyone will stop saying "remember when they had those giant q-tips?!?!?" THEY ARE PUGEL STICKS! Get it right or pay the price!

Jake has pretty much exhausted, as he always does with anything having to do with the Ultimate Warrior, all of the great Ultimate Warrior Youtube videos. I do believe it is time to switch gears to a far greater man of pro wrestling.....Scott Steiner. The video is amazing for both wrestling fans and non-fans alike. Especially, his debate about the Iraq War.

The video speaks for itself. I will say that history will come to view Scott Steiner as the Internet age's Oscar Wilde...


Bad4GOOD band that features Danny Cooksey (Buddnick of Salute Your Shorts fame) on lead vocals. Its pretty wild.


  1. The Scott Steiner video has some seriously funny moments. I definitely agree that I should switch to Steiner. I still have yet to post the greatest Warrior video where he meets Amanda Ultimate Warrior.

  2. Oh, and that Aesop Rock video is weird when John Darnielle starts singing at the end. Also, Aesop Rock looks like a gas station attendant.

  3. Aesop Rock is very trashy looking. I am not sure if its ill fitting white-ts or his terrible beard or his awkward body type. Probably all three.

  4. that girl in the hoosters pic looks like elisabeth hasselbeck from the view!

  5. I would go to Hooters MORE if I was served by various members of the View both past and present.

    Boy I made a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes on this article. Maybe I shouldn't have spent an hour on that AM: the movie movie poster.

  6. I would go to Hooters more if I ate meat and had less respect for women.

  7. i would go to hooters less if i didn't work there to support my children. :(

  8. p.s. who are you, gary? you are crazy!!

  9. human lightbulb

    it will all be addressed in my upcoming article "You are Crazy!!: Everything you wanted to know about Gary but are too afraid to ask"

  10. The contender in this episode, Zimbob Schwartze, is now a police chief in columbia.


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