Hi Katy - Issue XXI

By Katy

I don't have anything particularly witty to say as I spent all my love on the actual responses. Don't read too quickly--savor it.

Hi Katy,
What are the rules on dating two people at once? I don't want to reveal my gender, but I am technically a male and have dated two females at the same time. I haven't kissed either of them so when do I have to worry about being called a two-timer? I like them both and it's hard to make up my mind.
-Indecisive Ian

Hi Ian,
I Googled "rules on dating two people at once" and unfortunately came up with a bunch of nothing save some links to other people posing this question (and eight simple rules to date John Ritter's teenage daughter). Apparently this is something that society, for the most part, frowns on. Lucky for you, I don't.

You needn't worry so much about being called a "two-timer" since you haven't even bothered to lay one on these girls yet. And if you haven't explored intimate territories then how can you truly know which girl you prefer; that is, assuming you want to end up with one girl instead of two. Now I think it's totally fine to continue dating both girls at once, but pretty soon here you're going to have to have the conversation on how everyone feels about that. If all goes well then it's ménage à trois time. But you really do need to do some exploring of the physical realm of these relationships. It may sound callous, but what if one of the girls is a sloppy kisser? Gross, right? What if they take pleasure in gnawing on your lip? Kiss like a lizard? Can you say, halitosis? You'll smell it. As much as everyone pretends personality is what counts, we must learn not to discount things like attraction and intimacy; they matter a lot.

I would start enacting some lovin' in the next week and by week two I think you should decide whether to pick one, pick neither, or pick both (with their consent). Let me know how it goes.

Hi Katy,
I have never seen a 3-D movie, but I'm sort of interested. Should I wait until the new James Cameron movie comes out or go see one of the 800 animated movies released in 3-D before Avatar is released?
-3D Darrel

Hi Darrel,
A mere three weeks ago I was in the same position you are now. I hadn't seen a 3-D movie and quite frankly, didn't really care about it. Then, my little brother came up to visit me and we went to the 3-D showing of Up per his request. Unfortunately, this is a terrible example.

I had a headache so I periodically removed my fashionable 3-D specs and realized--this freaking movie doesn't need to be in 3 dimensions and the technology is rarely utilized so I just paid three extra dollars I could have spent on Tylenol for nothin'. Not to say the movie wasn't delightful (I especially enjoyed the short at the beginning) but 3-D worthy; nu-uh.

It could be considered a nice little push into the world of 3D, however. My worry is that because Avatar has a cast of 50,000 people that sooo much will be going on that your head will explode as you try to take it all in. All of that while you're dealing with the annoyance of Michelle Rodriquez once again playing the exact same character she always does. Oh yeah, she's a badass. There's this way gross picture online where she's licking her armpit. It's way stupid. Wait, I think I have it on my computer:

Yeah. She's so different and totally tom boyish which gives her appeal and charm. I don't particularly care for her. Avatar... AH! Anyway, so a 3-D Pixar film (of which at least ten are coming out this summer) can help acclimate you to... 3-D. Man I hate using the same phrase over and over again. Can someone submit synonyms for 3-D? You can make them up, I just need something. I don't remember where I was going with this response, but I'm sure my point has been well made. Enjoy... but not Michelle Rodriguez.

Hi Katy,
I get so sick of trying to find healthy fast food to eat. A bean burrito at Taco Bell seems to be relatively healthy (at least compared to a Big Mac) but there's tons of other fast food that's really bad for you. I don't want to be sent to an early grave by transfats and other nutritional boogie men. Do you have any good fast food recommendations to be healthy and fast?
-Fast Food Frank

Hi Frank,
A bean burrito sounds delicious; I haven't eaten at Taco Bell in months and months. See, I tend to be a little on the "above average" side of the fat scale, so I've made a vow to "x" the fast food, though perhaps sparingly. I mean, like once a month sparingly.

IT IS HARD to find healthy fast food. I always thought the bean burrito was a good choice until I saw it had one of the highest point values in the weight watchers system and a stand alone bean burrito has 350 calories. That's ridiculous, if you ask me. And you did.

Some tips when you go about ordering from a fast food restaurant aren't that different from general good health ideas. Try to skip past the sauces and condiments that are slathered on everything. Don't be afraid to be picky; mayonnaise hasn't helped anyone that I'm aware of. Be mindful of portion control; yeah, .99 to make it a mega colossal meal sounds like a good plan, but your arteries will not agree. Drink water with your meal instead of soda; it's just plain bad for you. Pay attention while you eat; this is something most Americans, if not the world, fail to do. While we might have our favorite foods, we don't take enough time to savor and enjoy each bite or really even taste it. I think it was Skinny Bitch that stated we don't even like most of the food we eat and if we took the time to taste it we'd realize that.

Jimmy Johns and Subway are a good alternative to your run-of-the-mill burger joint. It's lower calories and if you get wheat bread you're adding healthy carbs to your diet rather than the dead carbs that come along with white bread and end up setting up house on your thighs.

The best tip is to avoid fast food as often as possible, but if you must, be sensible about it. Happy eating.

Hi Katy,
I get really bad gas a lot of times when I eat dinner. I usually only get it at night, but it's really smelly. I've been seeing a new lady and don't want to embarrass myself in front of her. Is there anything I can do, or maybe foods I can eat, that will minimize my farting?
-Fartin' Franklin

Hi Franklin,
Good question, Frank. This is exactly the kind of question I had aspired to answering when I began an advice column.

There are many products on the market that claim to reduce flatulence. I don't know any of them by name because I'm a girl; we don't fart.

While most gastric issues stem from your genetics, food definitely plays a big part. Things like raw vegetables hold a lot of raffinose which is a sugar that's difficult for the stomach to break down, so once in the intestine, bacteria tries to finish up the process which causes gas. Broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, and beans are among the many that fall into this category. Apples, apricots, and bananas also join the ranks in making your evening unpleasant. Dairy is another menace to the stomach; as we age our bodies slow down the production of lactase, something necessary in digesting lactose.

You can make an attempt to eat less of these things in the evening if they're proving to be an issue. I would also suggest consulting your physician and together, the two of you can pick the right anti-gas supplement to keep you and yours smelly-free and happy. Hope that helps.

Hi Katy,
I'm staying in a hotel tonight. I hear a lot of horror stories about the amount of public lice on pillows/bedspreads and other safety issues. Without trying to shame anyone, I'll admit that I'm staying in a Ramada Inn. Two times in the span of one month I was given room keys to enter hotel rooms where people were already staying! Does this happen often? I just want some hotel tips because every adult has to stay in a hotel at some point unless you're in prison for the rest of your life like Zacharias Mousawl.
-Hotel Henrietta

Hi Henrietta,
Or Bernie Madoff. ZING.

A little known fact that I've yet to share with my reading audience is that I, in fact, was employed at a hotel for a good two and a half years. It was by far one of my most favorite jobs. Lucky for you I have the inside scoop.

Unfortunately, it is more common than one would think to be given a room already occupied by someone else. This can be the result of many things including room changes, incorrect computer information, and most often, stupid front desk employees. It's also one of the most shameful mistakes a hotel can make. If it happens again, look really, really angry; you may get something for it.

While Ramada Inns aren't quite as decent as they used to be, you still have far to fall. As far as lice, there are regulations for cleaners and the temperature of the washer which wouldn't allow such things to happen. If you suspect that your sheets are not clean, do not hesitate to bring it up with the front desk--but don't be plain obnoxious.

I'm just going to pick a random hotel out of the air and give it to you; Hampton Inn. Apparently these are pretty spectacular little joints. They're at the bottom of the Hilton Corporation which makes them the cheapest, but they're also the most sensible. There's free internet (some times wireless), a full free breakfast, and Hampton has a 100% satisfaction guarantee that is meant to be used should ANYTHING go wrong. While they cost the least, they still have to adhere to Hilton standards which means every sheet, every pillow case, every item in the room is cleaned and sanitized between guests. Give them a shot next time you're lookin' about.

As far as tips, there's a lot I could cover, but I'm not sure specifically what you're looking for so I pick something at random. If you distrusting of the staff in anyway, your "Do Not Disturb" sign is your best friend. Employees cannot enter your room if this is on. If it stays on the door during cleaning, they still have to pass by and usually they'll leave your fresh towels, washclothes, etc. outside your door or you can pick them up from the front desk at your leisure.

Remember the entire purpose of the hotel staff is to be hospitable. If you have a question or a request (that you deem reasonable) ask them about it. Again, this only works at hotels that care about their appearance so don't go crazy inside a Motel 6 or Econo Lodge. In fact, never, ever stay in an Econo Lodge. Waaaay too many horror stories. If you find yourself frequenting hotels often, find out if they have any sort of rewards program. Many chains have taken to a point system which can add up to air miles or free nights. It's worth it.

I hope you leave Ramada lice free and be sure to enjoy your stay!

Hi Katy,
I've never been able to win at arm wrestling. Any good tips?

Hi Mikey,

If for some reason that's off the menu, then try telling a really disturbing story in the midst of the brawl. Find your partner's weakness and exploit it using blood, guts, graphic sexual references, or just mumble discontent for the Cubs. If their brain is focused unpleasantries you might have a chance.

Do NOT, however, pick a subject that will infuriate them. That will only cause you to lose the battle quicker, and then get a few socks in the face to boot.

Work out, Mikey, and remember to always have fun.

Send questions, concerns, comments, and life stopping dilemmas to katy@oneyearintexas.com.


  1. Why does everything that tastes great give you gas? That seems pretty unfair.

  2. Thank you for these hotel tips!

  3. why is michelle rodriguez licking her pits? did you know it's impossible to lick your elbow?? try it! my mind was blown whenever i first heard about that on a radio talk show.

    i was going to ask you a question this week about my roommate situation, but i forgot to do it in time!

  4. katy your fast food advice is gr8. does anyone know if you can get wheat tortillas on crunch wrap supremes?


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