Good Morning from North Dakota part 3

By Glenn

Good morning. Welcome to part three of a two part installment chronicling my life in North Dakota as seen through the prism of a "Good Morning" post. The last time I wrote to you on this website - what I consider my personal dream journal - I had just discovered the abundance of bison ("buffalo" for those who have a passion for racism against our great American Indian). Now I've seen the world's largest buffalo in person, and without my parole office present. That will be discussed later, but the point is that things have changed.

[I also spend late nights in the office playing guitar. This has nothing to do with bison, buffalo or Neil Young. Or, actually, I take that back. That has EVERYTHING to do with Neil Young.]

Today's Weather

No one talks about the weather anymore, no matter how much R.E.M. might wish. But I'm here to tell you about the Ls and the Hs! For years meteorologists and less educated but equally beautiful "weather girls" have tried to decipher what these letters mean. I'd love to drop a great joke here about what I think they mean, but I never graduated from high school. It's as sore of a spot for me as it was for Uncle Jesse on that episode of Full House. The day I went to get my GED, the weather forecast was just an L - not unlikely the big red L sitting over my state on the map above. So i stayed home instead because I didn't know what it meant and still don't. Ideas? Post in the comments section for reader input.

Today's Error Message

I always get this fucking message when I'm trying to listen to Talking Heads or Wilco on iTunes. Sometimes I even get it when I'm listening to less hip bands like Xiu Xiu or Blues Traveler. I'd like to think that error message comes on when I start listening to music I shouldn't be listening to, like really early Beach Boys. You know, when all the songs were about driving around in some fucking car or making out with girls. These are things no self respecting man would ever want to hear in music in 2005, which must be why my computer from that year brings up that error message every time I listen.

Today's Buffalo
There are buffaloes all over the world, but why dance around the obvious? There's only one largest buffalo in the world, and it's this one. It's located right now in Jamestown, North Dakota which is to North Dakota what Hoboken is to New Jersey. The buffalo is 26 feet high, 46 feet wide and weighs 60 tons. To put it in perspective, that's bigger than the moon and sun combined! Unlike those planets, this buffalo doesn't revolve around our Earth but the Town of James definitely revolves around it. The buffalo, and the "old time" wild west village that surrounds it account for nearly 85% of the town's GDP. Between the souvenirs and bubble gum ice cream cone I got, I probably paid enough money to fund a year of primary education for the few children who survive the harsh Jamestown winters. The buffalo is really big but too tall for me to ride it. So I took that picture instead.

Today's Prediction
The Jamestown Buffalo, long ago killed for the sake of tourism, will come back to life and ride along the blue and red trails laid down in that fucked up H and L weather shown above. After I leave North Dakota in a few months I'll go back in time, kill Brian Wilson and Mike Love, and then rewrite all the songs the Beach Boys wrote about cars to be about buffaloes instead. That way when the Jamestown World's Largest Buffalo goes on its walking rampage in 2009 I'll make a shit load of money off the royalties and will finally be able to replace my four year old computer and listen to as much Blues Traveler as anyone can realistically stand.


  1. did you know that david lynch posts a video weather forecast on his website every day?! he is my second favorite lovable weirdo, after you, of course, glennnnnnn

  2. you and your fucking bubble gum ice cream!!! so gross.

  3. I'm glad you finally moved away from Blind Melon and are now on Blues Traveler. In a few years you'll be all the way up the Clash. Then we can get drunk and sing "Police on Our Back" at karaoke.

  4. I mean "Police on [Our] Back". I think "My" would have to change if it was more than one person singing it. Like if The Dancehall Crashers covered it.

  5. That buffalo is not Paul Bunyan nor Babe the Blue Ox. I am so disappointed.