Life With Mikey [8-03-09]

By Mikey

I used to hate mowing the lawn. Then I got a riding lawn mower. It's not as fun as taking a trip in the car, because I don't inevitably end up at an Arby's or Sizzler. I just end up in the garage, but at least the lawn is mowed for a couple weeks and my wife isn't yelling at me anymore.

When I see a person wearing a shirt with the Tazmanian Devil on it I know to avoid that person.

I don't mean to ruffle any feathers, but maybe the Church shouldn't tell people not to wear condoms.

Underdog is better as a giant balloon than it is as a live action movie. That was the last time I let my wife pick which movie we'd get from Netflix.

Donkey Kong Jr. is better than Donkey Kong, in my opinion.

Sometimes my neck hurts so much after I wake up from sleeping. Maybe I should do yoga, but I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Sometimes I buy chow mein noodles instead of Pringles.

I don't really find The Onion funny. It's just fake news stories, anybody could do that.

I find Mr. T's style of dress to be gaudy.

I'd rather protect my family with throwing stars instead of a gun. Guns are too loud.

Mr. Magoo isn't funny at all. He's just blind. Nothing funny about disabilities.

I'm not a huge Johnny Depp fan, but I'd definitely let his character Edward Scissorhands give me a haircut.

I just got a bunch of new fishing lures.

Superman is actually a really good scientist. I think people overlook that usually.

I wish they'd stop making movies based off of 80s cartoons. I'm moving to Antarctica if a Pound Puppies movie comes out.

I bet I could eat more hamburgers than Jughead.


  1. you don't think the onion's funny?! i think this is the first times our opinions have ever differed on anything.

    i have neck troubles too. sometimes yoga helps, sometimes it doesn't. nothing helps as much as three G&Ts and a handful of ibuprofen, though... try that.

  2. You can drive your lawnmower to fast food restaurants where I live as long as you wear a helmet and power the mower on biofuels.

  3. I want to tell you how much I enjoyed this, but I don't even know where to begin.

  4. Start with the truth and then go from there.

  5. I would not let Edward Scissor hands give me a haircut.

  6. chow mein noodles? you're so exotic.



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