Attention: Good Morning

By Bub 



Good Morning. Today's weather is not of your concern at this time. Check back later to find out whether the weather has become significant enough to inform you of its state. Until that time, sit quietly at your textile machines and continue the manufacture of textiles.



Today's textile is the dusky olive Kalapana. This hand-loomed fabric is produced in the forests of Nepal by industrious young volition-filled communists. These model comrades have already achieved at age 8 what many capitalists are incapable of even as adults - a 16-hour workday. They use the spirit of brotherhood & sisterhood to motivate them beyond selfish thoughts such as 'I'd like to be playing right now instead of manufacturing textiles' and 'I wonder what the weather forecast is', to selflessly producing textiles, taking hostages at local police outposts, and writing scripts for 'Two and a Half Men'.



Today's sitcom is 'Two and a Half Men'. This sitcom is about two American men and a younger American boy which only qualifies as a half-person in capitalist societies. One of the Americans, Charlie, portrays the capitalist ideal - brash, sexist, a love of bowling shirts. The other American adult, Alan, portrays a capitalist conceived cartoon of communists - effete, weak, Volvo driving chiropractors that can't hang with Charlie Sheen as a sitcom character or in real life because they are busy taking care of their son. This is not rocket-science. Just have Charlie make boilerplate references to cigars and meat and loose women, and have Alan react with disgust - somehow that translates to comedy for Americans. Do not question it as you do not question how the loom produces fabric or why I had to shoot your brother. If you make any protest you'll be taken off 'Two and a Half Men' and sentenced to 'Til Death'.

Today's prediction: You will be taken hostage by Maoist rebels dressed in camouflage ponchos while staring at your computer screen waiting for weather that warrants an update on its condition. They will try to force you to write scripts for 'Two and a Half Men' but you hold out and refuse to write for anything worse than 'How I Met Your Mother'. Even this compromise of values is so drastic that you begin to question your whole moral and philosophical foundation. You convert to Islam and become a progressive Muslim leader in Yemen that helps usher in a new era of peace, prosperity and human rights in the southern Arabian peninsula. After 30 years you will be assassinated by an elderly Charlie Sheen for not liking babes enough as you stare at your computer wondering about the weather.

8 comments:

  1. I have never seen Two and .5 Men or How I Met Your Mother, but I have manufactured textiles, so I mostly got the post. A great GM, even though it's 1:15 for me.

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  2. Gr8 prediction! I can't wait!

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  3. God. Oneyearintexas.com: the more Bub, the better.

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  4. I know the Maoists are technically not rebels anymore in Nepal but they do employ thousands of child soldiers

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  5. This was great. Written in a voice I am literarily and emotionally incapable of.

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  6. hahaha, i'm on my sister's computer. THIS IS MADDIE.

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  7. Lily don't fuck with us please.

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